Venting Not sure of what to do

[arcadia]

I had only really told my mother about how I feel, about how I'm severely depressed and cannot seem to get better. We promised to keep it between us regardless of how she responded. (Get right with god, pray more, it's the devil, I wont allow you to seek professional help and stay under my roof ect.).
Today she told my father, who does not live with us, about it. I presume out of desperation or frustration. I discovered this through him turning up and banging on my door to 'talk'. He sorta just sat there and yelled at me about being normal, about how I was an embarrassment, how I'm 'so smart' and 'squandering my potential', how 'theres nothing wrong with me and that others in the world have it worse and are happy' you get the deal. I couldn't even respond or explain how I felt. I could only just weep silently, it was embarrassing. I really don't know what to do with myself. My grandmother is currently sick, and he mentioned how he could've been visitjng her but instead had to waste his time on me because I hadn't considered just 'trying to be normal.'
I don't even get it. Why would they even do this. I think I'm gonna ctb by the end of this week, this is the lowest I've ever felt. I've always tried to keep a good image infront of my father and now its all gone. After all of that he left me £40 in paper notes to freshen myself up cause I looked like shit. I can get a ticket to beachy head and end it all on the weekend. If I'm not a coward.

 

[FuneralCry]

Those people sound really insensitive, I could never see it as being beneficial to open up to people like that who won't even try to understand. It really is so awful how people can be so cruel and dismissive like that, I do believe that humans are certainly responsible for so much of the suffering that exists in this world. But anyway, best wishes.

 

[manocsak]

I love this world "normal", normal like fathers, cannot listen to their children? Normal to verbally abuse after he left? Normally cannot answer simple questions, like why they left, or why they didn't come back, normally when you look into their eyes telling them, "dude 15 years passed... where have you been?!"

We cannot choose our family, there is nothing to do against it. All you can do is stand out for yourself.

Funny part about fcked up parents, actually doesn't matter what you do, he will understand at some point, if you ctb he will understand your pain, if you better yourself make a life that he cannot imagine and isolate yourself from his weakness he will understand. And even if you do nothing, he will understand, cause no one likes a bully!

 

[Fl4u]

I had only really told my mother about how I feel, about how I'm severely depressed and cannot seem to get better. We promised to keep it between us regardless of how she responded. (Get right with god, pray more, it's the devil, I wont allow you to seek professional help and stay under my roof ect.).
Today she told my father, who does not live with us, about it. I presume out of desperation or frustration. I discovered this through him turning up and banging on my door to 'talk'. He sorta just sat there and yelled at me about being normal, about how I was an embarrassment, how I'm 'so smart' and 'squandering my potential', how 'theres nothing wrong with me and that others in the world have it worse and are happy' you get the deal. I couldn't even respond or explain how I felt. I could only just weep silently, it was embarrassing. I really don't know what to do with myself. My grandmother is currently sick, and he mentioned how he could've been visitjng her but instead had to waste his time on me because I hadn't considered just 'trying to be normal.'
I don't even get it. Why would they even do this. I think I'm gonna ctb by the end of this week, this is the lowest I've ever felt. I've always tried to keep a good image infront of my father and now its all gone. After all of that he left me £40 in paper notes to freshen myself up cause I looked like shit. I can get a ticket to beachy head and end it all on the weekend. If I'm not a coward.

"But you are so smart" --- Heard this so often. You don't even know me. You tell this everyone. How would you know.

 

[hrsprayqn]

This is the reason I've always hated the phrase "blood is thicker than water", it's absolute horseshit, sometimes your family treat you worse than anyone else.

Your dad sounds like an insensitive arse, and I'm really sorry to hear about that Arcadia. If you're going to ctb, please think it through beforehand. Remember, it's fine to back out if it's not your time to go.