Venting Not sure if I'm meant to be here

[RainyDaysGrapefruit]

I feel so alone. It feels like I'm not meant to be in society anymore, or like exist at all. I've been through a lot of horrible stuff, but all the people around me just joke about it and say I'm a sensitive jerk when I start panicking. I don't know what to do anymore. It feels like I'm not even meant to be alive anymore, like I shouldn't have survived. I was a few remarks away to ending up on a true crime show, and I'm not sure if I'm meant to be here. I feel like I'm not here, not anywhere. I wasn't meant to survive, so how am I supposed to go on? I feel miserable and angry. This might be confusing because I'm not feeling well, sorry.

 

[nonn_ee]

I can understand why you feel like you can't go on. It sucks that people joke about the horrible things that happened to you, they're in the wrong for that.

 

[SchizoPolyGymnast]

I felt in a similar way for years. I always thought I was "meant" to die at 17. Then 21. Then 25. Now I'm 35 and I'm terrified. It looks like I might actually live a normal lifespan and I'm now obligated to actually do something with my life. It's a lot to process. Even now I half anticipate that I'm going to, say, fall asleep behind the wheel. I think a lot about making every day count because I'm going to die soon.