hi. i dont know how to start this or even if i can post this, but tonight has been really hard for me. my dad, who was out of my life for twelve years because my mom used us as pawn in the divorce game, basically told me he doesnt want me here anymore and it crushed my heart. i put my whole life on hold to move down here to give him the chance to be a dad and i have never been more suicidal in my life. specifically, this last week has been really hard. my depression and suppression have been catching up with me like crazy and its hard to even look at myself in the mirror. intrusive thoughts have been eating at my head and i just kind of need someone to talk to i guess. im having suicidal thoughts and i dont know where else to go, i found this website on accident and it kind of seems like what i need right now..thanks in advance