Venting Not okay

[willitpass]

I'm not okay right now. At all. I feel like I'm fucking loosing it and I don't know what to do. I failed my attempt a few days ago. I haven't slept since the meds wore off. It's been about 40+ hours since I last slept. I don't know how to get myself to sleep without overdosing on meds and even that only gets me a few sleepless hours at most as I'm rather immune to sleep aids and always have been. I feel so desperate to die. I just want to die. I wish I had a gun. I wish I could commit suicide by cop. I just want to fucking die. My body feels so tingly and strange. My body is probably fucked from not getting medical treatment. I just need to sleep. I just need to die. Fuck. My mind is screaming.

 

[canijo]

I read some of your posts, i really hope u can at least get some sleep. Hugs & love from here

 

[willitpass]

I need sleep or I'm fully going to loose it.
Too fucking much going on. My mind is going 100 miles a minute. I need to sleep I don't know how to sleep. I need everything to stop. I can't make it stop.

 

[Wolf Girl]

This sounds like my manic episodes triggered by lack of sleep. Is weed legal there? That's the only thing that puts me to sleep.

 

[hopscotch]

i only now had the time to catch up to how your attempt went. i'm so sorry. i know that doesn't help but i'm really fucking sorry. i hope you can get some sleep.

 

[opheliaoveragain]

truly hoping your mind lets you rest soon. so sorry that this is happening

 

[astr4]

i'm sorry, this must feel incredibly frustrating. i hope you are able to be gentle with yourself, take a nice long shower, watch something you love on tv, eat your favourite foods.

 

[willitpass]

Slept about 9 or so hours. Feeling a lot more with it now.

 

[nir]

Slept about 9 or so hours. Feeling a lot more with it now.

yaaaaaayyy!!! Oh I'm genuinely so happy to read this.

 

[James Sunderland]

It sounds so intense and exhausting. I can never begin to imagine how hard it must be to be this sleep deprived on top of everything else. I'm not sure if this helps at all, but sometimes when I can't sleep, things like a warm shower or listening to calming music or ambience makes thing a little easier to handle, even if just for a while. No pressure, throwing it out there in case it might give you a break.
You're come so far, I admire that. If you ever want more to talk about, I'm here for you.

 

[Tramwajarz]

I never meant to be dissrespectful. Your problem is very, very serious. But that said i dont want to dissrespect - i wanna give you some advice. If its stupid - just ignore. But try not to force sleep in anyway - play video games, watch series at night , and maybe you will fall asleep easier. At lease that works for me.

 

[opheliaoveragain]

i'm so happy to hear you got to sleep

 

[willitpass]

Cleaning my apartment today. Feels strange to just go back about life like nothing happened. I'm a lot more put together now that I have slept.

 

[Z-A]

I'm really surprised how your body survived after all the damage you did to yourself. Not to mention the long term effects from it coming. It's just so sad honestly and makes me lose more hope in this world.

 

[willitpass]

Maybe I'll just say fuck it sometime soon and just take 15 bottles of Visine and see what fucking happens. What do I have to lose at this point?
I'm on a death march. If I just keep trying time after time after time something has to give at some point.

 

[opheliaoveragain]

honestly if it didn't feel weird, that might be more weird. that's a huge step. I managed to do it yesterday for the first time in a week. sending hugs.

 

[pennydrop]

Maybe I'll just say fuck it sometime soon and just take 15 bottles of Visine and see what fucking happens. What do I have to lose at this point?
I'm on a death march. If I just keep trying time after time after time something has to give at some point.

From personal experience, upping the amount of visine just makes you feel extremely fucky. Then again, most I did was 4 in one day and I'm relatively healthy, so ymmv. But side effects are unpleasant. I felt like I was gonna have a seizure and my eyes kept vibrating in my head and jerking independently. Some person on here took like 10 bottles and just pissed themselves.

I feel your pain, but I'm seeking other options bc visine is becoming more of a SH method than an actual viable way to ctb at this point. Who knows tho, maybe it'll all catch up to me. I think its caused clots or something in my arm. Occasionally I get the feeling like I've taken visine without actually ingesting any recently. Just thought I'd warn you because the side effects absolutely exist, without any real pay off. I'd hate for you to suffer more.

 

[willitpass]

From personal experience, upping the amount of visine just makes you feel extremely fucky. Then again, most I did was 4 in one day and I'm relatively healthy, so ymmv. But side effects are unpleasant. I felt like I was gonna have a seizure and my eyes kept vibrating in my head and jerking independently. Some person on here took like 10 bottles and just pissed themselves.

I feel your pain, but I'm seeking other options bc visine is becoming more of a SH method than an actual viable way to ctb at this point. Who knows tho, maybe it'll all catch up to me. I think its caused clots or something in my arm. Occasionally I get the feeling like I've taken visine without actually ingesting any recently. Just thought I'd warn you because the side effects absolutely exist, without any real pay off. I'd hate for you to suffer more.

I already overdose on various meds as a form of self harm, so Visine would just be the same old shit in a different font for me.