Venting Not interested

[Hewburt]

Hi everyone, first time post but I have been lurking for a while. I wanted to say hello and introduce myself a bit. I usually just think of something to say and then decide not to bother so I never even made an account until the other day. This is not the first time I have started even this post but I'm going to post something this time.. I'm an almost 30 year old male with a job, a wife and kids. I went through a few different forms of abuse as a young child from various people/family members for various lengths of time and that's probably the root of most of my issues. I don't have many friends, one good one really, but I don't really mind because I prefer to keep to myself. The rest of my family even the ones that live 5 minutes away don't really talk to me unless they need a favour or to take advantage of some of my skills that people usually pay for. On top of my intolerance of people and enthusiasm for living, my memory is so bad I can hardly remember my own life or even things that happened a few hours ago sometimes. I got diagnosed with MS a few years ago, I don't remember even the year (my memory sucked when I was a kid too, though). I don't know what year I graduated high school or college, how long Ive been at my job, how long ago or when I met my wife, or where. I got to this point in writing before I remembered the whole reason I wanted to post something anyways was to talk about my fear of leaving my kids behind. I know they love me, but I'm not sure the difference having me in their lives will make, I'm inclined to think I'll just make it worse since I'm always unhappy. I have planned everything out but this is the only thing really holding me back, if I didn't have kids there would be no I.

 

[Wisdom3_1-9]

Kids often don't see the struggles their parents endure. They have a more idealistic view of the world. Their parents are monuments. You may not feel it because you know the full depth of your struggles. To your kids, you're a hero.

 

[reareq]

Hello, my heart hurts for you. Doesn't your illness make your job difficult for you? I'm impressed you held out for so long! You have a wife and kids who love you, please cherish them until the end. I understand your desire to end it all (otherwise I wouldn't be a member here lol), but, as you said, losing a parent would be devastating for them, so please endure as long as you can.

 

[TAW122]

I'm sorry to hear about your MS diagnosis, and kudos for sticking around for your family, I'm sure they appreciate it and all. It would not be easy leaving them and I only wish you the best and peace in whatever decision you decide to make.