Venting Not good enough.

[SipSop]

Do you guys feel that is simply that you were dealt a bad hand in life?
Like, you are born with weak genes, then you were raised in a toxic, unnurturing environment,
Then you get to witness others living the good life.
Being able to connect with others easily, to relate, to laugh, to have energy, to have partners easily, to have a strong sense of purpose and self.
They get the life, the simple life that you desire.
And you just stare at them, like there is nothing you can do.
Like you watch them through a window inside your body.
Do you feel that too?

 

[who doesn't matter]

Never thought someone else would pen my thoughts so precisely. What you struggle to get for days, months, or maybe years, others just have it. Why? Because they have good parents, caring friends, and an overall nurturing environment. You look at yourself and you see a person, barely surviving for no particular reason.

 

[SipSop]

Never thought someone else would pen my thoughts so precisely. What you struggle to get for days, months, or maybe years, others just have it. Why? Because they have good parents, caring friends, and an overall nurturing environment. You look at yourself and you see a person, barely surviving for no particular reason.

Yes!
For so much time I tried to manufacture for myself reasons to keep trying.
But it seems for others is so natural, unforced process. Is about what they feel. I have to think about it, they get to just be and I have to try to be.

So glad you said that. Thank you.

 

[who doesn't matter]

Yes!
For so much time I tried to manufacture for myself reasons to keep trying.
But it seems for others is so natural, unforced process. Is about what they feel. I have to think about it, they get to just be and I have to try to be.

So glad you said that. Thank you.

You are not alone at that pal. For others who were simply lucky, it's a life they get to enjoy but for me, it's just about time. How long can I maintain the balance between sanity and complete breakdown. There is always a ticking clock no matter how fast you run, but all you can do is run. I have seen people with motivations, ambitions, ideas and that surprises me. All I ever learned was to survive alone for as long as possible.

 

[JoeFailure]

Do you guys feel that is simply that you were dealt a bad hand in life?
Like, you are born with weak genes, then you were raised in a toxic, unnurturing environment,
Then you get to witness others living the good life.
Being able to connect with others easily, to relate, to laugh, to have energy, to have partners easily, to have a strong sense of purpose and self.
They get the life, the simple life that you desire.
And you just stare at them, like there is nothing you can do.
Like you watch them through a window inside your body.
Do you feel that too?

For me it's mostly the "quiet mind". It really is true that to have a rich life is to have a quiet mind. I know some people that are wealthy and some people who are just getting by that are happy. They have their ups and downs too...and their lives are hard sometimes...but in a different way. The backdrop is still simple. They don't have mental illnesses and they haven't gone down the rabbit hole of existentialism or how much suffering there is in the word. They don't think about all of the fucked up things that a lot of us here on this board do. That in itself is a gift.

I have a friend who drives a garbage truck that I met through playing volleyball, doesn't make a whole lot of money but it's just enough. He invited me over to his home one day after we played and I had dinner with his family. I remember after dinner he just sat down with his little daughter in his lap and he just sighed this total sigh of peace. Like in that moment nothing else mattered, just the love that he had for his family and that they had each other, the rest of his brain was totally turned off. I left really shortly after because I almost had a panic attack, knowing that I very likely will never get to experience that.

Corny as fuck...but that's really the good life to me, is to have that peace at the end of the day. And i'm not bitter that other people got it. Just sad for those of us who didn't.

 

[EmbraceOfTheVoid]

Your post is so accurate that I almost feel personally attacked.

Life is entirely about luck from the beginning to the end of it. That realization made me want to end it more because I realistically never had a chance from the moment I was born. Normal people like to lie to themselves that they got as far as they did because of things like "hard work."

I remember some woman was working 3 jobs on the news and couldn't make ends meet so she committed suicide. Even how hard you are able to work was determined by your circumstances and it makes you realize that life is completely unfair and shit. Someone that spent their entire childhood being heavily abused is never going to get as far as someone who came from a loving home.

If you've watched the movie Butterfly Effect, it's a prime example of luck.

 

[SpottedPanda]

In hindsight, I'm not all that enamoured with the me I was before I developed the illness, but I failed the sperm lottery by being one of the 1 out of every 100 people who develops schizophrenia. Without that happening, things would have likely been much better, objectively speaking.

 

[SipSop]

For me it's mostly the "quiet mind". It really is true that to have a rich life is to have a quiet mind. I know some people that are wealthy and some people who are just getting by that are happy. They have their ups and downs too...and their lives are hard sometimes...but in a different way. The backdrop is still simple. They don't have mental illnesses and they haven't gone down the rabbit hole of existentialism or how much suffering there is in the word. They don't think about all of the fucked up things that a lot of us here on this board do. That in itself is a gift.

I have a friend who drives a garbage truck that I met through playing volleyball, doesn't make a whole lot of money but it's just enough. He invited me over to his home one day after we played and I had dinner with his family. I remember after dinner he just sat down with his little daughter in his lap and he just sighed this total sigh of peace. Like in that moment nothing else mattered, just the love that he had for his family and that they had each other, the rest of his brain was totally turned off. I left really shortly after because I almost had a panic attack, knowing that I very likely will never get to experience that.

Corny as fuck...but that's really the good life to me, is to have that peace at the end of the day. And i'm not bitter that other people got it. Just sad for those of us who didn't.

The rabbit hole of existentialism. This made me think. I know I tried to figure out this world from a young age. Most likely because my father is a pathological liar and a bully. Constant belitteling and put downs, without any guidance or explanations about life.
I feel I was curious about things but I went down that rabbit hole of existentialism, slowly separating myself from the crowd into isolation. And in the end, ending up alone, behind in life.
That life, omg, to have that. Imagine to go home to a wife who loves you for who you are and you spend some family time with your kids. Bet it feels good, bet it feel wholesome.

 

[JoeFailure]

The rabbit hole of existentialism. This made me think. I know I tried to figure out this world from a young age. Most likely because my father is a pathological liar and a bully. Constant belitteling and put downs, without any guidance or explanations about life.
I feel I was curious about things but I went down that rabbit hole of existentialism, slowly separating myself from the crowd into isolation. And in the end, ending up alone, behind in life.
That life, omg, to have that. Imagine to go home to a wife who loves you for who you are and you spend some family time with your kids. Bet it feels good, bet it feel wholesome.

I'm sorry you went through that and I hear you. I feel like I didn't truly understand life until last year, in my 30's. I don't wish it on anyone. It's really true that ignorance is bliss.

I can't imagine it either. It's not an easy life, but it's simple. Sometimes I wonder, and I don't doubt that some people just truly love their kids, but if it's also for that distraction. Like if you have work, a partner, and kids to care for, that can take up so much of your time that you don't have to think about these things ever and you can get through this life and even enjoy a good chunk of it.

 

[Bct]

I agree some of us aren't good enough even since the life began. It's really envious to see most people are able to attain some things like supportive friends & lover, a good & fulfilling job, when we just suffer with loneliness & too broke to afford a decent live.