Venting Not feeling suicidal, but I got nothing to live for

[Chemical Animal]

One thing that really helped me not feeling anxious or depressed is giving up love, romance and dating. Not having to worry about getting a girlfriend, losing my virginity, starting a family, fulfilling my role as a man etc, I have a couple of reasons less to feel like I'm a loser, a failure, a waste of oxygen or whatever, and I don't remember that I'm socially inept as often as before.

It's been three months living without wanting to CTB, but now I have zero life goals, everything has become uninteresting and not worth the effort, I'm just a zombie/npc character that just goes on it's routine.

All I want is to become a NEET/hikikomori, since the lockdown due to the COVID-19 pandemic was the period that I was the most mentally healthy and stable in the last 10 years. Staying at home playing videogames, binge watching shit on yt/twitch and masturbating, all of this while getting unemployment insurance paychecks, was pure blissful to me. But that's not considered a life goal, so outside of that I got nothing to live for.

 

[strawberrydino]

become busy. if you have money spend it on a hobby so you feel monetarily forced to do that hobby. or get a gym membership - i know its time old advice but actually moving helps so much - plus again monetary incentive. this is stupidly philosophical, but you dont need a "reason to live". life inherently has no value, life sucks the empty carelessness of the universe is awful, but humans live anyway. you don't need to be something just do anything. its fucking hard and hard and hard. but fuck it we ball? i hope you can start something anything. bc it seems like posting this in recovery is a small type of resolve to recover