Venting not feeling like you belong anywhere.

[Aleksandra]

i think that's one of the main reasons as to why i feel suicidal - your family takes you to a better country and immediately you don't feel like you belong. i was the only polish kid in all the schools i attended and got picked on for it, small things are what bothers me about it. even when someone can't pronounce your name when you explain it over and over to that same person, when in history you learn about the holocaust and you get asked all the time what you know about it. if your distant relatives were in it. you know, stupid little things like that. no one ever asks a black/irish person if their distant relatives were slaves. or even now, i have an english passport and employers will still ask for more proof. had an interview a few months back, group one. everyone there was british and i was the only person with dual-citizenship, but held the same passport. i was the only one asking if i was leaving the country, if i had a visa, or if i had a legal document. i go to a pub and my friends call, i speak my language to them and people say "speak english", "you're in england". stupid comments like that. you have political conversations with people and immigration comes into conversation, almost every person i've spoken to seems to think poles come to the uk to take the benefits, says they should fuck off back to their countries. it's why half the time if it's not anything legal i just use an english equivalent of my actual name. that's not even all.

i get so much shit from other poles and in poland too. a lot of the times, they're nicer but when i go to a polski sklep, to get groceries, they start chatting shit about my ethnicity. my mum's thai, therefore i'm not fully white as they're used to. "why is she here?" "what's a chinese doing here?". go back to poland and the amount of nasty slurs that are thrown to me when i go on nights out in my home city, my friends expect me to pay for everything because i earn pounds. i just don't feel like i belong. in fact, one of my ex boyfriends, his family couldn't properly accept me because i wasn't fully white.

i get racism happens and that's just fucking life, but it's not about racism, i just don't feel like i belong. i love my home city, i used to visit every two weekends, but i don't feel accepted. i love the uk, but again, not fully accepted. it's easy for someone who was born here to just say "ignore it", it becomes an everyday thing and puts a strain on you. i guess i never noticed how much it affected me until yesterday, i was crying myself to sleep because i feel like i don't have a place in this world. i'm sensitive and i can't help it.

i just wanted to rant i guess, because it's making me suicidal and i've been too scared to write it out to any of my friends because it seems like a stupid and petty reason to why i want to ctb. it's not the only reason, but i think one of the few main reasons. i don't see anyone calling an italian immigrant a job thief or benefits scrounger. i don't really want to hear that i could be in _______ country because they have it worse. i already know it. that's why i'm too scared to say it to my friends.

 

[JimFord99]

Can I ask how long you have been living in the UK?

 

[Aleksandra]

Can I ask how long you have been living in the UK?

about 12 years now

 

[JimFord99]

Hey, you and I had some good chats recently, why you suddenly feel so down? Has anyone sort of directly made racist comments towards you? I mean in public? That is not on.

 

[Aleksandra]

Hey, you and I had some good chats recently, why you suddenly feel so down? Has anyone sort of directly made racist comments towards you? I mean in public? That is not on.

actually, on here. i thought this was somewhat a safe space and could freely and somewhat be okay with stating my nationality but it's the same as real life. and in real life, went to spoons and one guy outside when i was having a smoke started talking to me. he proceeded to ask where i'm from due to my accent and i told him - he responded with "polish girls are only good for fucking around here hahaha" i get it's a joke but it's like uh okay. i isolated myself in my house for nearly a year and i go out once other than work and that's a comment i get haha

 

[JimFord99]

Report those bastards to the forum moderators and they shall be banned. This is here to help and support people and even encourage them, nor to give any sort of abuse. I am utterly gutted that this happens to you. You know how to contact me in private if you want to chat again. Got to go soon, but will be back in the afternoon and all evening. Take it easy, please.

 

[Temporarilyabsurd]

I can relate a little .

Left the UK at nine to go to X country

Became a " pombie bastard " overnight . Awesome .
Forty years later it is still an issue . Some folks here can't handle it ... they fucking hate my accent I think ( BBC posh from Buckinghamshire I think ).
In the mix is No.2 cultural dislocation of being a Jehovahs Witness with all their anti world mind control shit .
Then No.3 was Dad wasn't a JW ... so another division right there at home .
Split three or more ways inside myself .
The only crew I relate to are the exJW crowd on line and a few other culturally split child emigre's (?) I've met .

Racism is shit . So many people do it ... so casually .

I really don't have any recomendations on how to deal with it ...

One of the many things I regret is not doing martial arts for my confidence .
Also to be able to defend myself .
Would it be worth giving something like that a go ?
I'm just getting at athe idea of a safe group activity where ( hopefully ) racism would be heavily frowned upon .

Lastly - don't be mad at yourself for feeling so hurt over it.
Social belonging is a HUGE component in just being OK .

 

[Aleksandra]

I can relate a little .

Left the UK at nine to go to X country

(New Zealand ( paradise right ?) I will delete this as I'm paranoid about my identity / location
Not least is our nanny Govt blocking this site because suicide increase is a big deal here ).

Became a " pombie bastard " overnight . Awesome .
Forty years later it is still an issue . Some folks here can't handle it ... they fucking hate my accent I think ( BBC posh from Buckinghamshire I think ).
In the mix is No.2 cultural dislocation of being a Jehovahs Witness with all their anti world mind control shit .
Then No.3 was Dad wasn't a JW ... so another division right there at home .
Split three or more ways inside myself .
The only crew I relate to are the exJW crowd on line and a few other culturally split child emigre's (?) I've met .

Racism is shit . So many people do it ... so casually .

I really don't have any recomendations on how to deal with it ...

One of the many things I regret is not doing martial arts for my confidence .
Also to be able to defend myself .
Would it be worth giving something like that a go ?
I'm just getting at athe idea of a safe group activity where ( hopefully ) racism would be heavily frowned upon .

Lastly - don't be mad at yourself for feeling so hurt over it.
Social belonging is a HUGE component in just being OK .

that's so sad. :( it's stupid really, how you get treated. have you ever considered moving back?

Report those bastards to the forum moderators and they shall be banned. This is here to help and support people and even encourage them, nor to give any sort of abuse. I am utterly gutted that this happens to you. You know how to contact me in private if you want to chat again. Got to go soon, but will be back in the afternoon and all evening. Take it easy, please.

i know, but as you know my sleep schedule means i'm not around on social hours uk time, i've been awake since 9pm xd

 

[blanketyblk]

actually, on here. i thought this was somewhat a safe space and could freely and somewhat be okay with stating my nationality but it's the same as real life. and in real life, went to spoons and one guy outside when i was having a smoke started talking to me. he proceeded to ask where i'm from due to my accent and i told him - he responded with "polish girls are only good for fucking around here hahaha" i get it's a joke but it's like uh okay. i isolated myself in my house for nearly a year and i go out once other than work and that's a comment i get haha

That guy is scum and not worth your time worry about. and if anyone bug you on here. report their ass and if you up for it posted it publicly so we can all flame their ass. but i am sorry for the issues your having.

 

[Aleksandra]

That guy is scum and not worth your time worry about. and if anyone bug you on here. report their ass and if you up for it posted it publicly so we can all flame their ass. but i am sorry for the issues your having.

i've reported a number of people in my pm's, i'm actually a bit shocked at what kinda people are on here. not even for racist issues, but also people who come on here to be point blank creepy. one messaged me asking me how to say summat in polish, then proceeded to treat the forum as a tinder. he asked me if i was to kill myself, if i could call him whilst i'm doing it. stuff like that you know? it's why i'm thinking of just going back to reddit at times

 

[Life+me=error]

@zajebistakaczka you are not alone with that feeling. I know so many who feel that way myself included. I am half German half Arab so I can absolutely relate to your pain.
I have no place I can call home really. Also, unfortunately for me, I moved alot from one country to another in my short life which intensified my identity crisis. My inner world is so messed up as a result.

My life is locked into an irreversible death spiral.

Many times I dream of a country or place for people who belong nowhere. A community where everyone can feel at home. Lol what a ridiculous dream.

I tried to fit in, I fought, I really did. But I lost I guess. Death is my only real friend rn who can help me feel better about myself.

 

[Aleksandra]

@zajebistakaczka you are not alone with that feeling. I know so many who feel that way myself included. I am half German half Arab so I can absolutely relate to your pain.
I have no place I can call home really. Also, unfortunately for me, I moved alot from one country to another in my short life which intensified my identity crisis. My inner world is so messed up as a result.

My life is locked into an irreversible death spiral.

Many times I dream of a country or place for people who belong nowhere. A community where everyone can feel at home. Lol what a ridiculous dream.

I tried to fit in, I fought, I really did. But I lost I guess. Death is my only real friend rn who can help me feel better about myself.

i have a half arab half polish friend... they get it way worse than me in poland. i hate that you suffer too. fitting into society or trying to is the most degrading feeling in the world. usually when someone says to you "that's just how the world is" haven't truly felt the oppression and lack of acceptance. they're usually people who naturally fit in. i admire people who aren't naturally fitted in and made a name for themselves, but i'm not one of those people. yeah i always wanted a place where i could feel at home. i've visited many countries due to the nature of my family, but never have i felt like anywhere was home. i feel like a tourist anywhere i am, no matter how long i stayed. usually people who try to tell me "racism is just part of life and it always will be" are people who are fully white. and then i feel like shit when someone who is a poc tells me i could have it worse because i'm a half cast. like fuck, no one will accept me regardless

 

[blanketyblk]

i've reported a number of people in my pm's, i'm actually a bit shocked at what kinda people are on here. not even for racist issues, but also people who come on here to be point blank creepy. one messaged me asking me how to say summat in polish, then proceeded to treat the forum as a tinder. he asked me if i was to kill myself, if i could call him whilst i'm doing it. stuff like that you know? it's why i'm thinking of just going back to reddit at times

sadly bastards are bastards everywhere ;-( i do hope you stick around and just keep reporting them and most it public so we can all make sure they get thier ass off this site. but don't ever think your not welcome on this site!. as you are and your voice and thoughts matter to everyone on here

 

[Aleksandra]

sadly bastards are bastards everywhere ;-( i do hope you stick around and just keep reporting them and most it public so we can all make sure they get thier ass off this site. but don't ever think your not welcome on this site!. as you are and your voice and thoughts matter to everyone on here

i won't be leaving, i do like being on here over reddit but often at times i don't feel like i'm accepted here either, or maybe i just don't have a sense of humour. i don't know, i just feel really alone i guess. thank you though

 

[Temporarilyabsurd]

Have I ever considered moving back ?
I don't have an employable skill ...
Also it looks a bit scary to be honest .

 

[Life+me=error]

i feel like a tourist anywhere i am, no matter how long i stayed.

Exactly how I feel no matter where I am at.

For your case.. May I suggest a solution. I know of a half German half Thai who made a TV career in Thailand. Many in Thailand desire to be more white and also people of mixed ethnicity are usually good looking.
But I guess living in Thailand is not really appealing to you.

Pleasedont feel too alone. Reach out to any member with whom you feel comfortable. I met great people here.

 

[Aleksandra]

Have I ever considered moving back ?
I don't have an employable skill ...
Also it looks a bit scary to be honest .

i mean besides the uk falling apart, not that bad xd

Exactly how I feel no matter where I am at.

For your case.. May I suggest a solution. I know of a half German half Thai who made a TV career in Thailand. Many in Thailand desire to be more white and also people of mixed ethnicity are usually good looking.
But I guess living in Thailand is not really appealing to you.

Pleasedont feel too alone. Reach out to any member with whom you feel comfortable. I met great people here.

i cant speak thai, my mum also said it's dangerous for a white/anyone who looks white (halfies) to live in thailand as it's very corrupt still and not safe for a girl like me, especially since i can't speak the language. sad really

 

[Temporarilyabsurd]

i mean besides the uk falling apart, not that bad xd

Boris'l fix it .

 

[JohnUK]

Sorry for all the problems you have had on here since you first came onto this site. Hope you get banned most of the horrible people that have been so bad towards you and finally give you happiness at the thought that there is a good thing that goes on in this site and th moreere good kind wonderful people than there is bad xx

 

[omoidarui]

report their ass and if you up for it posted it publicly so we can all flame their ass.

How is that different/better than their bullying? Just wondering.

 

[magick'sgone]

i think that's one of the main reasons as to why i feel suicidal - your family takes you to a better country and immediately you don't feel like you belong. i was the only polish kid in all the schools i attended and got picked on for it, small things are what bothers me about it. even when someone can't pronounce your name when you explain it over and over to that same person, when in history you learn about the holocaust and you get asked all the time what you know about it. if your distant relatives were in it. you know, stupid little things like that. no one ever asks a black/irish person if their distant relatives were slaves. or even now, i have an english passport and employers will still ask for more proof. had an interview a few months back, group one. everyone there was british and i was the only person with dual-citizenship, but held the same passport. i was the only one asking if i was leaving the country, if i had a visa, or if i had a legal document. i go to a pub and my friends call, i speak my language to them and people say "speak english", "you're in england". stupid comments like that. you have political conversations with people and immigration comes into conversation, almost every person i've spoken to seems to think poles come to the uk to take the benefits, says they should fuck off back to their countries. it's why half the time if it's not anything legal i just use an english equivalent of my actual name. that's not even all.

i get so much shit from other poles and in poland too. a lot of the times, they're nicer but when i go to a polski sklep, to get groceries, they start chatting shit about my ethnicity. my mum's thai, therefore i'm not fully white as they're used to. "why is she here?" "what's a chinese doing here?". go back to poland and the amount of nasty slurs that are thrown to me when i go on nights out in my home city, my friends expect me to pay for everything because i earn pounds. i just don't feel like i belong. in fact, one of my ex boyfriends, his family couldn't properly accept me because i wasn't fully white.

i get racism happens and that's just fucking life, but it's not about racism, i just don't feel like i belong. i love my home city, i used to visit every two weekends, but i don't feel accepted. i love the uk, but again, not fully accepted. it's easy for someone who was born here to just say "ignore it", it becomes an everyday thing and puts a strain on you. i guess i never noticed how much it affected me until yesterday, i was crying myself to sleep because i feel like i don't have a place in this world. i'm sensitive and i can't help it.

i just wanted to rant i guess, because it's making me suicidal and i've been too scared to write it out to any of my friends because it seems like a stupid and petty reason to why i want to ctb. it's not the only reason, but i think one of the few main reasons. i don't see anyone calling an italian immigrant a job thief or benefits scrounger. i don't really want to hear that i could be in _______ country because they have it worse. i already know it. that's why i'm too scared to say it to my friends.

Sorry to hear about your shitty experiences, mate. Sadly, they don't surprise me at all.

I worked in a factory where the employees were a pretty even split of Polish and English people. The ignorance and bigotry from both nationalities was astounding. Sweeping generalisations and stereotypes were commonplace. I get what you said about people not being able to pronounce your name despite you explaining it over and over. I think if it wasn't for their diminutive forms (Katarzyna to Kasia, Joanna to Asia, etc) the English people in the factory would have had to give the Poles numbers rather than names. It would kinda piss me off and i'd feel embarrassed for being English, but then I saw that many of the Poles were the same. A Filipino guy started work there and both the Brits and the Poles (not all, of course) referred to him as "the little monkey". I got on well with everyone so I was kinda looking on from a unique angle. The Polish women I worked with would tell me about racism they had experienced and how they hated it, then the next day would be using derogatory terms for Black or Asian people.
Explaining the hypocrisy was pointless, they felt it was somehow in a different context. My last housemate was Polish, and highly intelligent. Her spoken and written English was better than most natives, yet because of the slight accent, English people would talk to her like an idiot. The same intelligent, educated woman once told me that she wasn't racist, but the thought of having sex with a black man made her feel physically sick.
My Ex GF is Polish and was really struggling to get her dual citizenship. In one sentence she complained that making her take the test was "racist", and why should she have to when "the Taliban" don't, and then gestured towards a (clearly British) Asian family. I saw the same shit in South East Asia. Thai girls would chat to me about how white people have an ingrained attitude of racial superiority just because they had more wealth (which was accurate in many cases), then proceed to be insanely racist about the poor African and Indian immigrants in Thailand, or tell me how all Burmese people were easy to exploit because they were so desperate for money.

It's not a stupid reason that's making you feel this way, it's very justified. You're viewing and experiencing a very disappointing side of humanity. A side of humanity that exists in every corner of the World. If it makes you feel any better; I've travelled quite a lot, and never felt like I belonged anywhere. I'm British, but sure as fuck don't feel at home here. Wszędzie dobrze, ale w domu najlepiej. They say home is where the heart is, so maybe I just need to find the former, and the latter will show up too.
Basic English people love to talk shit about immigrants and benefit scroungers because it makes them feel better about being failures. It's pretty much the entire reason most Brexit supporters voted the way they did. My Grandfather came to this country in the 1940s, both my parents were born and raised in this country, as was I, I'm straight up British, and i still get shit for my "foreign" last name.

Keep your head up, dude. This world is full of idiots and shitty people, be happy that you aren't one of them. To some of us English people, you are very welcome here. More so than the idiots who have made you feel bad. Take care and try not to let it hurt you too much

Hope you have a beautiful day :)

 

[blanketyblk]

How is that different/better than their bullying? Just wondering.

if you don't understand the difference's between harassing someone and bulling then well ok.

 

[omoidarui]

if you don't understand the difference's between harassing someone and bulling then well ok.

Aren't they both bad?? How can you follow up an anti-bullying rant with a comment saying, "post them publicly so we can all flame their ass"

 

[Aleksandra]

Sorry to hear about your shitty experiences, mate. Sadly, they don't surprise me at all.

I worked in a factory where the employees were a pretty even split of Polish and English people. The ignorance and bigotry from both nationalities was astounding. Sweeping generalisations and stereotypes were commonplace. I get what you said about people not being able to pronounce your name despite you explaining it over and over. I think if it wasn't for their diminutive forms (Katarzyna to Kasia, Joanna to Asia, etc) the English people in the factory would have had to give the Poles numbers rather than names. It would kinda piss me off and i'd feel embarrassed for being English, but then I saw that many of the Poles were the same. A Filipino guy started work there and both the Brits and the Poles (not all, of course) referred to him as "the little monkey". I got on well with everyone so I was kinda looking on from a unique angle. The Polish women I worked with would tell me about racism they had experienced and how they hated it, then the next day would be using derogatory terms for Black or Asian people.
Explaining the hypocrisy was pointless, they felt it was somehow in a different context. My last housemate was Polish, and highly intelligent. Her spoken and written English was better than most natives, yet because of the slight accent, English people would talk to her like an idiot. The same intelligent, educated woman once told me that she wasn't racist, but the thought of having sex with a black man made her feel physically sick.
My Ex GF is Polish and was really struggling to get her dual citizenship. In one sentence she complained that making her take the test was "racist", and why should she have to when "the Taliban" don't, and then gestured towards a (clearly British) Asian family. I saw the same shit in South East Asia. Thai girls would chat to me about how white people have an ingrained attitude of racial superiority just because they had more wealth (which was accurate in many cases), then proceed to be insanely racist about the poor African and Indian immigrants in Thailand, or tell me how all Burmese people were easy to exploit because they were so desperate for money.

It's not a stupid reason that's making you feel this way, it's very justified. You're viewing and experiencing a very disappointing side of humanity. A side of humanity that exists in every corner of the World. If it makes you feel any better; I've travelled quite a lot, and never felt like I belonged anywhere. I'm British, but sure as fuck don't feel at home here. Wszędzie dobrze, ale w domu najlepiej. They say home is where the heart is, so maybe I just need to find the former, and the latter will show up too.
Basic English people love to talk shit about immigrants and benefit scroungers because it makes them feel better about being failures. It's pretty much the entire reason most Brexit supporters voted the way they did. My Grandfather came to this country in the 1940s, both my parents were born and raised in this country, as was I, I'm straight up British, and i still get shit for my "foreign" last name.

Keep your head up, dude. This world is full of idiots and shitty people, be happy that you aren't one of them. To some of us English people, you are very welcome here. More so than the idiots who have made you feel bad. Take care and try not to let it hurt you too much

Hope you have a beautiful day :)

poles.. they're very sheltered. not justifying the racism as they like to complain about xenophobia but they are sheltered. it's actually common to call a black dog a certain name which can basically mean the n word. they're very non accepting of arabs/pakistani people too. not everyone but the vast majority. a chinese girl i know who joined polish fb groups (mostly full of high schoolers/uni students) likes to live stream and practice her polish as she studies polish and english in china as a degree. a lot of people like to make rude comments about how she eats dogs and isn't welcome, or they can't tell if she's blinking or not. fucking stupid. it's only the well known cities that tolerate the minorities, so warsaw, kraków, wrocław, etc. the fucking villagers are the issue, but i suppose that's why the big city people make fun of them.

my ex used to jokingly use racist words at home, like "why are you watching that n*****" if i'm on youtube. he doesn't think down on people of colour, or other races BUT he will make those jokes because it's a norm for poles. backwards country lol.

as for thai people, even on airlines, they treat thai people with less respect than white. thais are the worst for when it comes to it, when they see a white person they think wealth. that's why my mum blackmailed my dad into marrying her because she was pregnant with me and he was a wealthy man. whites are just seen as royalty there i guess. again, sad.

Boris'l fix it .

boris is a national treasure ;)

 

[blanketyblk]

Aren't they both bad?? How can you follow up an anti-bullying rant with a comment saying, "post them publicly so we can all flame their ass"

wow.. just wow.. you my friend are my first ignore on the site.. congrats.. free cookies for all

i should just point out. that if you think i should feel sorry and worry about the hurt feeling of someone who is harassing someone on this site from being bullied themselves.. then no. you harass people on this site. then you should be tared and feathered and ran of this site. people on here have enough things to worry about without having some jerk make their life even harder

 

[Aleksandra]

Sorry for all the problems you have had on here since you first came onto this site. Hope you get banned most of the horrible people that have been so bad towards you and finally give you happiness at the thought that there is a good thing that goes on in this site and th moreere good kind wonderful people than there is bad xx

i know there are good people here! more than bad but it's not exactly what puts me off, just the creeps if anything. i only get one a day, can't imagine how many other people get it x

 

[magick'sgone]

Creeps seem to permeate every aspect of life. The workplace, Wetherspoons, facebook, reddit, Sanctioned Suicide, etc etc. On sites like this it's better not to disclose your gender. I think lots of creepy fuckers are attracted to the vulnerability of suicidal people.

 

[IsadoraBeauxdraps]

Hi zajebistakaczka,
I'm sorry that happened to you. In France too we have a lot of racism.
Please don't leave us because of that stupid people.
I give you a hug

 

[Aleksandra]

Hi zajebistakaczka,
I'm sorry that happened to you. In France too we have a lot of racism.
Please don't leave us because of that stupid people.
I give you a hug

i love france, been there 4x. many hugs to you

 

[IsadoraBeauxdraps]

i love france, been there 4x. many hugs to you ♥

So nice !
Yes a beautiful country ! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!