Venting Not cut out for full time work

[Squiddy]

I wish I could ctb right now. My anxiety is at an all time high right now. I had hung out with a friend earlier and I could feel my social battery draining, but I kept on being social and on my ride home, I felt like screaming and when I got home, I had to close my shades because light annoyed me and became too bright and I also had to put on ear buds because talking also annoyed me.

Currently at work and I'm working slower than usual. I really wish I could leave early. The lights are too fucking bright and I don't want to interact with anyone. Probably doesn't help that I took a bunch of caffeine earlier which contributed to all of this. I feel like I'm not cut out for full time work, but I can't get back on disability as I wouldn't be able to live on my own and my parents were trying to push me off of it. Trying hard not to hyperventilate and start crying

 

[hush hush]

I wish I could ctb right now. My anxiety is at an all time high right now. I had hung out with a friend earlier and I could feel my social battery draining, but I kept on being social and on my ride home, I felt like screaming and when I got home, I had to close my shades because light annoyed me and became too bright and I also had to put on ear buds because talking also annoyed me.

Currently at work and I'm working slower than usual. I really wish I could leave early. The lights are too fucking bright and I don't want to interact with anyone. Probably doesn't help that I took a bunch of caffeine earlier which contributed to all of this. I feel like I'm not cut out for full time work, but I can't get back on disability as I wouldn't be able to live on my own and my parents were trying to push me off of it. Trying hard not to hyperventilate and start crying

As Prof. Thomas Szasz (the only real psychiatrist) wrote in his book "Suicide Prohibition: The shame of medicine", "...we might say that the young choose voluntary death to escape the pain and responsibility of having to make a life for themselves..."

Amazon product ASIN 0815609906No one chooses to be born, yet we are expected to pay bills and bs, because society won't allow painless medical euthanasia or Sarco euthanasia device. Norm Macdonald was right about suicide:

 

[Squiddy]

As Prof. Thomas Szasz (the only real psychiatrist) wrote in his book "Suicide Prohibition: The shame of medicine", "...we might say that the young choose voluntary death to escape the pain and responsibility of having to make a life for themselves..."

Amazon product ASIN 0815609906No one chooses to be born, yet we are expected to pay bills and bs, because society won't allow painless medical euthanasia or Sarco euthanasia device. Norm Macdonald was right about suicide:

If only we could have euthanasia. I ended up leaving early as I couldn't take it. I feel like a failure

 

[NoLightRemains]

I feel very similarly often. I progressively get more and more sensitive to light/sound the longer I'm doing something social or otherwise draining. I also have chronic headaches that accompany this.

 

[hush hush]

If only we could have euthanasia. I ended up leaving early as I couldn't take it. I feel like a failure

You are not a failure, you never chose to be born, let alone ever agreed to the terms and conditions of existence or the needs of society, including having to be "useful". F everyone and everything.

 

[whatevs]

You are not a failure, you never chose to be born, let alone ever agreed to the terms and conditions of existence or the needs of society, including having to be "useful". F everyone and everything.

It makes sense that you need to be useful though. Everything has a cost, life is hard and we use up resources and the work of other people. Although personally I have no qualm freeloading sometimes, after all parasites make up a large swath of all lifeforms. It's successful and agrees 'to the terms and conditions of Nature'. You just need to be smart about it.

@Squiddy Obviously you shouldn't be forced to work in there with you condition. In an ideal society you'd probably still be pressured into doing something but it would be something you actually can withstand or even like. I'm autistic too and sometimes I would just go away quietly, while neurotypicals could talk about bullshit for hours.

 

[hush hush]

It makes sense that you need to be useful though. Everything has a cost, life is hard and we use up resources and the work of other people. Although personally I have to qualm freeloading sometimes, after all parasites make up a large swath of all lifeforms. It's successful and agrees 'to the terms and conditions of Nature'. You just need to be smart about it.

It is your right to be lazy and also your right to commit suicide once you want to withdraw from the terms and conditions of existence. Society needs to acknowledge this or pay the bills of suicidal people, as it is unethical to prevent suicides and force people to endure the burden of existence once they decide they no longer want it. In Germany, assisted suicide is already a universal human right: https://www.bundesverfassungsgericht.de/SharedDocs/Pressemitteilungen/EN/2020/bvg20-012.html

You can read these articles to understand why assisted suicide must be a universal human right: https://schopenhaueronmars.com/

 

[whatevs]

You can read these articles to understand why assisted suicide must be a universal human right: https://schopenhaueronmars.com/

I already believe that we have a right to dispose of our own life, but thanks for the link. I don't agree that a large state should assist you with this process with tax-payer money, though. Humanity, for what it is worth, which isn't much, only retains some value when we aren't in a completely intrusive society and some personal autonomy and creative chaos is allowed.

 

[hush hush]

I already believe that we have a right to dispose of our own life, but thanks for the link. I don't agree that a large state should assist you with this process with tax-payer money, though. Humanity, for what it is worth, which isn't much, only retains some value when we aren't in a completely intrusive society and some personal autonomy and creative chaos is allowed.

N (Dolethal/euthasol) costs 30-50$ in Europe. We just need prescription laws to be abolished, so that we can buy them over the counter

 

[Ligottian]

I already believe that we have a right to dispose of our own life, but thanks for the link. I don't agree that a large state should assist you with this process with tax-payer money, though. Humanity, for what it is worth, which isn't much, only retains some value when we aren't in a completely intrusive society and some personal autonomy and creative chaos is allowed.

I'm no fan of big government, but I'd rather pay for state subsidized suicide clinics over subsidizing women who have out of wedlock children. The latter is a huge expenditure, and the former would be a relative pittance.

 

[whatevs]

I'm no fan of big government, but I'd rather pay for state subsidized suicide clinics over subsidizing women who have out of wedlock children. The latter is a huge expenditure, and the former would be a relative pittance.

Best of two evils, no doubt. But really, I think the State should subsidize men that STAY "in wedlock", things would run a lot smoother in some countries.

 

[waiting4thenextbus]

I'm no fan of big government, but I'd rather pay for state subsidized suicide clinics over subsidizing women who have out of wedlock children. The latter is a huge expenditure, and the former would be a relative pittance.

Yes! Came here to say this.

 

[Well-Edited Chaos]

I wish I could ctb right now. My anxiety is at an all time high right now. I had hung out with a friend earlier and I could feel my social battery draining, but I kept on being social and on my ride home, I felt like screaming and when I got home, I had to close my shades because light annoyed me and became too bright and I also had to put on ear buds because talking also annoyed me.

Currently at work and I'm working slower than usual. I really wish I could leave early. The lights are too fucking bright and I don't want to interact with anyone. Probably doesn't help that I took a bunch of caffeine earlier which contributed to all of this. I feel like I'm not cut out for full time work, but I can't get back on disability as I wouldn't be able to live on my own and my parents were trying to push me off of it. Trying hard not to hyperventilate and start crying

Are you able to get by working, say, 30 hours a week instead of full time? That would cover your expenses and give you more time to recover from the hours you do work.

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds really stressful what you have to go through. I'm sorry that you are in this situation, it really is such a cruel and unfair life. I know that it is awful when things just get worse. I hope that you find relief from your suffering.

 

[Squiddy]

Are you able to get by working, say, 30 hours a week instead of full time? That would cover your expenses and give you more time to recover from the hours you do work.

I'm thinking about going to management and asking to cut down my hours. Just woke up a few minutes ago and am still feeling a little burnt-out. I enjoyed being unconscious for a few hours

 

[Well-Edited Chaos]

I'm thinking about going to management and asking to cut down my hours. Just woke up a few minutes ago and am still feeling a little burnt-out. I enjoyed being unconscious for a few hours

Good luck!!

 

[nolifer]

I feel the same. The problem is that it's difficult to find part time work. Even 75% is bad because 1 hour UNPAID lunch break means work 4-5 hours, then sit around for 1 hour unpaid, then work 1-2 hours and go home.
So I prefer at most 50% so you can do your 4-5 hours and then go home. EFFICIENT!

Almost all job ads are for full time positions. Part time is rare. I guess it depends on your country too.

 

[Squiddy]

Good luck!!

Thanks :)

I feel the same. The problem is that it's difficult to find part time work. Even 75% is bad because 1 hour UNPAID lunch break means work 4-5 hours, then sit around for 1 hour unpaid, then work 1-2 hours and go home.
So I prefer at most 50% so you can do your 4-5 hours and then go home. EFFICIENT!

Almost all job ads are for full time positions. Part time is rare. I guess it depends on your country too.

I think one of my co workers at my job is only working 32 hours a week so I might ask management if I can do the same

 

[Well-Edited Chaos]

I think one of my co workers at my job is only working 32 hours a week so I might ask management if I can do the same

That's a good idea. I think it's better to go in with a specific goal, rather than just say "fewer hours" or "part-time" so you don't wind up with a *lot* fewer hours than you intended.

 

[Squiddy]

That's a good idea. I think it's better to go in with a specific goal, rather than just say "fewer hours" or "part-time" so you don't wind up with a *lot* fewer hours than you intended.

True. I just hope they give it to me. 40 is exhausting. I've been doing 40 for a little over 2 months now and I've been trying to keep it together, but am falling apart :(

 

[friendofbirds]

I'm thinking about going to management and asking to cut down my hours. Just woke up a few minutes ago and am still feeling a little burnt-out. I enjoyed being unconscious for a few hours

i feel this. i was "part time" at a pharmacy for a while and the store was so understaffed that i was practically full time, but without the benefits. it got so bad that near the end of me working there i would drive after my work at the night shift to the tallest bridge in my area and contemplate jumping off of it. did this continuously for about a month or so. i dont know if i will ever be able to handle full time employment either, it is something i worry about too.

i will pray you find something that works for you and you find some peace and rest soon.

 

[Squiddy]

i feel this. i was "part time" at a pharmacy for a while and the store was so understaffed that i was practically full time, but without the benefits. it got so bad that near the end of me working there i would drive after my work at the night shift to the tallest bridge in my area and contemplate jumping off of it. did this continuously for about a month or so. i dont know if i will ever be able to handle full time employment either, it is something i worry about too.

i will pray you find something that works for you and you find some peace and rest soon.

Full time sucks :( I hope you can find something and thanks

 

[Fish Face]

Best of two evils, no doubt. But really, I think the State should subsidize men that STAY "in wedlock", things would run a lot smoother in some countries.

I get what you mean but you cannot force someone to be in wedlock if they don't want to be. Everyone in the family will suffer.