Venting Not being missed

[meiteki]

I'm already slowly passing from two diseases, my family doesn't really care to get me treatment and after all my friends also CBT I don't see a reason to go anymore, my biggest hangup is I do have a child but I made plans for where she'll go after I'm gone. I just wanted to express how lonely it is to know absolutely nobody will miss you, even if they pretend to care and tell you they will, I know it's all pity and they don't believe I'll really go through with this. I know that id be forgotten within a year, and if my death were mentioned again it would likely be for sympathy, I have made no societal impact with my life, I've never even had a job. I have spent my pathetic 21 years begging for love that doesn't exist. Love doesn't exist and that's hard to accept but I just want to accept everything before the end. I don't know what the point of screaming into the void is, but maybe somebody out there just knows how it feels and maybe this will help them feel less alone? I don't know. My life was going to end early either way, but I'd rather take it into my own hands than rot away in everyone's view while they just wait and hope id go quicker. I'll never amount to anything more than I've already done in this life, everyone thinks I'm a liar. I have nothing. I have nobody.

 

[Forever Sleep]

It's so sad that your family aren't more supportive. This isn't likely to help you and it's not meant to guilt trip you either, it's more curiosity really. Do you not think your child might miss you? My Mum died when I was 3. I barely remember her at all. I'm 43 and I still cry about her now. Sometimes, daily.

I know it must be hard though for parents struggling that much, where they may think staying alive might do more damage than good. I actually hate the guilt trip method of emotionally blackmailing people to stay but honestly, I imagine in some way or another, someone would miss you. It's very possible to miss someone you never even got the chance to properly know or, know at all. Still, I do understand that probably in your mind, you think she will have a better life with another caregiver. I'm so sorry your life has turned out this way.

 

[OptingOutSmiling]

I'm sorry you feel this way, maybe you underestimate the impact you have? You are still so young and from your post, I get that you are a caring person hoping that others may feel less alone hearing your screams. You are not alone on here at least and I hope your screams out there will not go unanswered