Not being beaten as a child - possible cause of fear?

[suffering]

I want to begin by saying that not only do I think beating children is wrong, but I also oppose bringing them into this world of suffering!
That being said, could not being beaten as a child be correlated with feelings of fear, pain aversion and indirectly survival instinct? Although I was mental abused by my parents, I was never beaten. I never experienced violence, not only as a child, but never in my life. I get scared if I get frightened with physical violence, because I don't know what to expect. It's a fear of the unknown to some degree, of unknown pain. Maybe if I had been beaten, I would be less afraid of it, and I could also approach suicide with more ease? I'm sometimes like a sensitive flower, slightly hypochondriac, always careful not to get injured. Maybe this is correlated somehow to SI?
Those of you who have been beaten, do you feel like you have more courage?
Those of you who have not been beaten, do you feel more adverse to pain?

 

[bath salts]

My father was physically abusive to me, and at first I would flinch every time he would turn to talk to me. As it continued, I began to grow used to the feeling and instinctively disassociate. Now, my pain tolerance (both mentally and physically) is very high. I find that it's been easy to test methods and attempt. I don't know if I would call it courage... Maybe my personality plus those experiences makes it seem less daunting? Definitely think it played a part, though.

 

[Soul]

It's hard to tell whether it reduces fear and SI, since I've never *not* been beaten as a child. But it sounds like a great doctoral thesis: Are abused children more suicidal or just more likely to succeed at it?

 

[Dreamcolleger]

I see your point but I think I would have been a lot better off doing a combat sport and generally getting into mutual fights than getting beat by an adult when I was a child. I think you need confidence too and abuse did not make me confident.

 

[262653]

Or being beaten as a child is possibly causing the lack of fear. As a child I've been headstruck by environmental objects a couple of times. A wall, a ball, a swing.
Parents used to say I was unusually serene and rarely ever cried. They could be lying, or sealed shut their uncomfortable memories, as probably I did... Anger issues, lack of empathy, I don't find gore stuff gross. "Horror" life stories about tough upbringing rarely ever bring me anything but joy and excitement.
"Instinctively dissociating." Yes, that's a good way to name it. The inner council has decided to compromise some bodily functions to preserve the whole.

I do still have to deal with fear and SI... just get less agitated by worldly bullshit, I think.

 

[Sailfisher]

I learned that if I didn't resist, it didn't seem to be enjoyable to him so he would stop.

 

[Lennox]

Man, I think there's nothing wrong with being avoidant to pain. If there are painless methods to end it all, why not take them.
If it really bothers you, I think that martial arts classes could diminish one's fear to pain and confrontation.

That said, I was never beaten or abused in any way by parents and I've always had a pretty good resistance to pain, you would hardly believe a few stories I have to tell.

 

[Saga]

i think being beaten as a child it shaped me...but it didnt give me confidence to ctb,it made me live more in fear thinking that everyone will do it to me...as a suicidal i think it started only when i was 9 when i realized what happened to me after getting sexually abused by my cousin,thats where my suicidal attempt started...growing up being beaten by my mom i think it made me believe that it was a form of their love for me,but at the same time i always have my guard up because whenever they apologize they give me a new toy or take me out for a nice vacation,but if i fucked up i ended up being hit it was a cycle...so in conclusion to that being beaten up is not gaining confidence in going to ctb it made me live in fear of people and at the same time always had my guard up when people try to love me..

 

[seekingoblivion]

I don't think being beaten as a kid did much but kill my self esteem. I'm still very pain averse. I can tolerate a decent deal of it though, but I'd still always rather I didn't have to. With that said I went through a period in high school where I wanted friends to think I was tough so I would let them punch me on my arms and torso and pretend it didn't hurt. I think the beatings as a kid had something to do with my pain tolerance then. Also the last time my mom wanted to beat me I went in the closet and got her a belt myself (really did not want to do whatever the fuck it was she wanted me to do). I'm wondering if that meant I'd become more tolerant of the pain. I'm sorry you were mentally abused as a child. Such things make me wish there was a filter of some kind for selecting who should bear children and who shouldn't.

 

[Final Escape]

I don't think being beaten as a kid did much but kill my self esteem. I'm still very pain averse. I can tolerate a decent deal of it though, but I'd still always rather I didn't have to. With that said I went through a period in high school where I wanted friends to think I was tough so I would let them punch me on my arms and torso and pretend it didn't hurt. I think the beatings as a kid had something to do with my pain tolerance then. Also the last time my mom wanted to beat me I went in the closet and got her a belt myself (really did not want to do whatever the fuck it was she wanted me to do). I'm wondering if that meant I'd become more tolerant of the pain. I'm sorry you were mentally abused as a child. Such things make me wish there was a filter of some kind for selecting who should bear children and who shouldn't.

Haven't seen u in a while hi :)

 

[seekingoblivion]

Haven't seen u in a while hi :)

Hey there! Yeah I haven't been posting much recently. Too tired from work and feeling a little extra low. How are you doing ?

 

[Final Escape]

Hey there! Yeah I haven't been posting much recently. Too tired from work and feeling a little extra low. How are you doing ?

Shitty, I'm planning again to try to go through with ctb. I've concluded I can't make the necessary changes to remain in existence. I'm in lots of emotional pain too frequently.

 

[seekingoblivion]

Shitty, I'm planning again to try to go through with ctb. I've concluded I can't make the necessary changes to remain in existence. I'm in lots of emotional pain too frequently.

I'm so sorry. I'm pretty much on the same conclusion for myself and I know how much that can be a heavy feeling to carry. I'm so sorry.

 

[Final Escape]

I'm so sorry. I'm pretty much on the same conclusion for myself and I know how much that can be a heavy feeling to carry. I'm so sorry.

Thanks :) it is what it is. Some of us just got dealt a rotten hand and then we end up bitter and it becomes difficult to change your mindset. You accumulate more and more problems and baggage. I definitely don't want to die but I feel like I have no purpose or meaning. This site does give me a little meaning though. It's helped me hang on.

 

[seekingoblivion]

Thanks :) it is what it is. Some of us just got dealt a rotten hand and then we end up bitter and it becomes difficult to change your mindset. You accumulate more and more problems and baggage. I definitely don't want to die but I feel like I have no purpose or meaning. This site does give me a little meaning though. It's helped me hang on.

Oh man that's so true. After years of crap thrown at us it gets to a point of there being absolutely no reasonable hope. And it just gets into a cycle of crap and more crap.
I definitely don't want you to die either. Life has been unfair to you and so many here and it's incredibly sad that you're at a point where you feel death is the only way to get relief. None of us actually wants to die I think. It's just there's more pain in our lives than we'd like to live with.
This site is amazing. I talk about how I no longer feel much comforted by this site but it's amazing that there're all these beautiful people in one place sharing the same pain.

 

[bacardirum]

Individuality, you will get a kid abused daily who goes on to be a child abuser, whilst someone else abused will go on to make a true life, and that reflects on everything, people growing up in poverty, people with parents, kids who's parents got divorced, I think everyone has fear, just different ways people react to it.

 

[AngelGirl]

Yeah I think it is possible to feel that way.
In fact I feel that way too about other things.
I was beaten as a child which traumatized me.
But I am also so scared of things that I have not experienced. I think the fear comes from the news and movies. I'm never raped but I'm really scared of being raped, especially the brutal and torturous ones.. I am really scared of those, but also just any rape.

If it happens I would probably gain the courage to end my life but I don't want to suffer or be traumatized any more.

 

[21Neberg]

I've actually had an opposite experience from some of the people in this thread. I was beaten often by bullies when I was quite young, and that only made me more quiet, insecure and scared.