Venting Not being able to find a remote job is my main reason for wanting to CTB

[lawlietsph]

I've come to the realization that if I could finally work from home, I might be relatively okay. I would still be dealing with mental illness, but I have already come to terms with being completely alone in this world. The problem is that I can't function in a regular job. I'm a 27-year-old female with no particular talents in any field. I did try working in retail before – I swear I did – but after just 5 days, I was completely burnt out and felt like I wanted to die. I am fairly certain that I have undiagnosed autism or something similar. Certain noises, lights, objects, and things bother me so much that it's physically painful. I'm terrified of people – I was literally scared for my life when someone asked me where the milk was in the store. I constantly feel like someone is trying to hurt me, and I believe that everyone in the world can see that I'm just a burden.

I struggle to communicate in person; conversations are painful, making eye contact takes all my strength, and I just want to escape the situation. I've isolated myself pretty much since finishing high school. I was accepted into college, but I never attended because I felt like nothing mattered anymore.

I'm currently living with my mother, and I want to emphasize that I'm not lazy. I do everything I can – I clean the house, mow the lawn, do the laundry, wash the dishes, and more. However, I really can't stand being around people, and it's driving me crazy. I've tried platforms like Fiverr, UpWork, and affiliate marketing, and I've applied to various small jobs, but I haven't received any responses. I come from a small European country where remote work isn't very popular, except in the IT field.
I actually built a WordPress webshop entirely from scratch with the help of YouTube videos, and it turned out pretty well. Initially, it was going fine, but due to the pandemic, I had to shut it down, and all my savings went into it. I was left with nothing.
I believe I'm capable of learning anything, but, of course, nobody wants to hire me without "real experience." I've tried my hand at making logos, designs, translations, and things like that. I can edit videos, manage social media, and, of course, I know WordPress and Elementor. However, because I'm not an expert in any particular field, nobody seems interested in me.
I can't even begin to describe how this feels. I feel like a burden, an unemployed piece of crap, and I'm so tired of living like this. Thoughts of ctb occupy my mind all day, every day, because I have no money, and it just feels so unfair. The worst part is that I have several rescue pets, and I'm constantly terrified that they'll fall ill, because then I wouldn't be able to afford vet bills.
My mother is in poor physical health, so I do my best to help her in every way I can, but we're struggling with only her income. She wasn't a good mother, far from it actually, but I've made peace with it and just want to be able to help her.
My ultimate dream is to move out, far away from my toxic family members, and never look back. But right now, it feels impossible.
I just want this to end. I've lost all hope, and I'm just an empty, shallow shell. Life has become unbearable, and my mind keeps urging me to hang myself because it'll never get better.

 

[Gaga786]

I'm so sorry to see you suffering so immensely. I relate to you because I have the same challenges that you are facing, and I feel like I have nothing to offer. I doubt I'll ever be able to work in my life. Even if I do work, no one will accept me because I have zero credentials, why would they even hire such a loser like me.It's so exhausting feeling like a burden to everyone. I hope your suffering eases and that you gain the inner peace that you desire.Please take care of yourself

 

[FuneralCry]

It really is so unfair how people suffer so much, I understand why you'd feel so tired of being trapped in that situation, existence really is too cruel. But anyway I wish you the best.

 

[neonzebra]

I can relate to you a lot... Feeling burnt out from being around people and probably undiagnosed autism.

I know it's not very useful to hear this sort of thing when you're feeling bad; but you do sound like a very talented and resourceful person and I'm sure there are jobs out there you'd be ideal for.

 

[LonelyKitten]

This hits close to home, on too many levels. I hate how exclusionary Europe feels for entry level.
If you already struggle to work or make ends meet, how are you supposed to get the experience, or afford the qualifications they want you to get?
Or work a little to build confidence/skills? Whether you'd be suited to it or not, being given a chance is just ruled out from the start for so many.
Being made to feel like a perpetual burden, never getting a chance to improve, try, or show that you can contribute, is just exhausting to the core.
I'm sorry to hear you got caused in this snag. I hope you can find what brings you the relief you seek.

 

[F&Inside]

Hello lawlietsph.
I feel sadness reading you. But I see a lot of potential in you, because you have made peace with your mother, you contribute to the home, you want to work, you have the attitude. You seem like a complete and mature woman to me.
With that fighting attitude you deserve the opportunity to work and earn a living, a stable job, you deserve to experience that before doing anything else, live your life and in your own home. Later we will see what happens.

Good luck I hope you reach your goal soon.

 

[natthebrat]

I relate to so much of this. I did all online classes late in college and did very well (>95% score in multiple classes well) and that was really the only time in all my years of school that I didn't absolutely hate it. I realized that I actually loved to learn and didn't mind working, just hated the social aspect of school and work. After finishing college, I took a job working retail and was more miserable than ever before, despite only working 16 hours/ 2 days a week. I can't imagine how insane I'd be if I was working retail full-time. In late 2021, I decided to go back to college, hoping to be able to WFH, but now that most jobs are back in person, I feel like going back was completely just a waste of my time. Might not even be able to work in the field I studied for at all and at least take advantage of higher pay since my interviewing skills are such shit. My girlfriend and I will be moving soon once she gets a transfer for her job, and even though she tells me otherwise, I feel like such a terrible partner, being able to contribute so little to our household. No idea what the future holds for me, but it definitely can't be anything good.