Wanting to permanently cease existing is all I personally know, I just have no interest in the torturous and futile burden of human existence that was so tragically imposed and I'd prefer to not exist no matter what, permanent non-existence is all that's desirable for me, I'm just not meant for this existence of pointless suffering rather I'm only meant for the peace of an eternal, dreamless sleep instead. I'd always prefer to not exist than be conscious in this existence that just caused suffering all for the sake of it and problems there were never a need for, for me existence itself is the ultimate problem which is why I only wish and hope to permanently cease existing.
My wish to die is a response to existence, it's a response to being burdened with this existence that I see as so deeply undesirable in every way, I wish to cease existing as I just wish for permanent peace from this existence I always saw as the most terrible, tragic mistake. The thought of being enslaved in this existence for much longer just to die in agony from old age is horrific and unbearable to me, I just don't want to suffer at all in any way and in this reality there is no limit as to how much one can suffer, I'd never want to exist, to me existence really is an abomination.