Your frustrations are understandable. It really isn't easy to leave all of the suffering behind, especially if it's a less than ideal method like hanging. It makes hanging sound so much easier than it actually is when you hear of all these people succeeding with it. Maybe many of the people who overcame the SI just got desperate enough, those who successfully ctb cannot share how they managed to go through with hanging as they are not here to answer, but I do envy them, they are lucky, they managed to set themselves free from the pain of living.
I wish you freedom.