coolgal82
she/her, terminally silly :3
- Sep 10, 2024
- 173
I hate myself so much i have no real issues, nothing bad has ever happened to me to like make me like this my brain is just the way it is, idfk if its genetic (the autism and adhd are atleast) or my brain chemistry is just wrong (my brain is weird i did have to have like surgery on it at like 2 for cortical dysplasia or something) or idfk. but the point is like everyone i see with any kind of issues no matter the severity related to mine, currently have or have had actual issues in their life. i don't. all my issues are of my own creation. and like they arent even that bad but i'm just too fucking weak to handle them. i don't deserve to be free from this pain tbh. i dont have any real pain to be free from. (plus most of my issues are probably just made up in my head to like trick people and get attention and ive either convinced myself of them or do it subconsciously idfk.) the only real "issue" i have is being trans really and yeah being trans sucks but it's like smaller in comparison to other stuff rn idk.
if anyone else was in my place they'd excel. i have good parents that have tried their best for me (especially when i was younger, and also i just repay them by being the worst daughter ever and just causing more and more trouble and stress), not like rich but not poor either, and like just idfk. i don't deserve this life i wish i could just swap with anyone else. i'm just useless and weak and literally everything wrong with me is entirely my fucking fault and i hate it. sometimes i feel like this is just a dream and i'll wake up soon or if i believe hard enough everything will change. idk. until then i will just go on suffering with this almost constant mental anguish cus it's what i deserve (i deserve worse frankly but i cant bring myself to do anything.)
i hate myself so fucking much.
if anyone else was in my place they'd excel. i have good parents that have tried their best for me (especially when i was younger, and also i just repay them by being the worst daughter ever and just causing more and more trouble and stress), not like rich but not poor either, and like just idfk. i don't deserve this life i wish i could just swap with anyone else. i'm just useless and weak and literally everything wrong with me is entirely my fucking fault and i hate it. sometimes i feel like this is just a dream and i'll wake up soon or if i believe hard enough everything will change. idk. until then i will just go on suffering with this almost constant mental anguish cus it's what i deserve (i deserve worse frankly but i cant bring myself to do anything.)
i hate myself so fucking much.