Ai, I guess we disagree deeply on our outlook towards homosexuality. To me, limiting the scope of what constitutes "real" passion to prescribed genders kinda just reinforces the rigid roles that we're talking about suffering under (in addition to, yeah, hurting gay people - and being patently false imo
). Bc I do agree that it's this compulsively binaried gendering we're exposed to all time that leads to our whole mess. So non-binary (or even anti- ) is a fine term by me
As Pluto suggested, it might be good to explore around for an LGBT community to work some of this specific stuff out (with their disclaimer in mind). Ik you're cautious (and may have had bad experiences) but with the right people it can truly be rewarding. Your suicidality might honestly be eased somewhat by targeting some of this gendered stuff specifically. It's tough work though, can be scary, and I'm sorry I can't recommend anywhere in particular, but I'd say just try keep an open mind about it? If you're willing and able to allow your preconceptions to be challenged, you might be surprised at what you find out...!
Sorry if this isn't the answer you're looking for, but I honestly think that this issue might best be approached elsewhere for a bit?