NekoNomNom
There is no right to heal the wrong
- May 3, 2020
- 248
Hey all,
I've actually been doing quite well in recent months. However, we all have our moments of relapse. And tonight, in my drunken sorrows, I think back to what has originally brought me here, and I rack my brain for who I could possibly talk to about it...and the answer is nobody, except for the void of this forum.
I joined this forum nearly two years ago now; and no matter how many times I leave here, I find myself always coming back to the comfort of anonymity and warming acceptance. I feel comfortable expressing my deepest emotions here, and the fact that I always feel drawn back to what seems like an inate desire to die. I know that the fact that I can say that so freely should scare me, but it doesn't; it never has. In fact, ever since I was a teenager, I've always thought and talked freely of suicide, and that I would more than likely meet my end that way.
Although I consider myself to be in recovery for the last year, this feeling has never truly gone away, and I think that may stay with me for the rest of my life, especially when things get to be too much. These suicidal tendencies feel like more of a comfort; a safe space, if you will, that I draw myself into to shield myself when things get to be like this.
Perhaps I'm simply pathetic.
Or maybe I just can't forgive myself.
I've actually been doing quite well in recent months. However, we all have our moments of relapse. And tonight, in my drunken sorrows, I think back to what has originally brought me here, and I rack my brain for who I could possibly talk to about it...and the answer is nobody, except for the void of this forum.
I joined this forum nearly two years ago now; and no matter how many times I leave here, I find myself always coming back to the comfort of anonymity and warming acceptance. I feel comfortable expressing my deepest emotions here, and the fact that I always feel drawn back to what seems like an inate desire to die. I know that the fact that I can say that so freely should scare me, but it doesn't; it never has. In fact, ever since I was a teenager, I've always thought and talked freely of suicide, and that I would more than likely meet my end that way.
Although I consider myself to be in recovery for the last year, this feeling has never truly gone away, and I think that may stay with me for the rest of my life, especially when things get to be too much. These suicidal tendencies feel like more of a comfort; a safe space, if you will, that I draw myself into to shield myself when things get to be like this.
Perhaps I'm simply pathetic.
Or maybe I just can't forgive myself.