Venting "Nobody really wants to die, they just want the suffering to stop"

[brokerofsecrets]

I fucking hate this saying. It's repeated all through any psychology resource that explores the nature of depression and suicidal tendencies, but it's not true. The idea that nobody wants to die, but choose to as a last resort is flawed, because it gives society the idea that everybody can be saved and whenever anyone has active suicidal ideation it's always "a cry for help" or "stresses" that can be fixed with therapy or medication or admitting to hospital or whatever the fuck the mental health services want to offer at any particular time. I'll say one thing - I want to die. I couldn't care less if my life was great, if everything that's crumbled in front of me was magically fixed and quality of life soared for me, I'm a broken person already and I don't want to fucking live anymore, I want to CTB because I want to die, it's simple, for me it's not the fact of "i don't see another option", I see plenty of options for me, I just refuse to take them because I don't want to fix things and go through therapy or whatever, I just want to be gone. Sure, you can try and fix the funny stuff that's going on in my head, sure we can try to work through my issues, pay off my debts, get me out of the house, I don't care - but you can't fix how spiteful and cruel the world really is, how awful human nature really is and the masks that people wear to disguise their real intents, no matter how well I am corruption will still be rife in the world, and I'm still going to be used by people who want something for themselves, and the chances of me being abused again from my point of view are high. People love to dress the world and the human condition up in pretty colours, but I'm not fucking buying it - it's all for show, what's life? I'm sticking around to be bullied by people with more money than I've got, and repeat the same cycle of wake up, work, eat, sleep for the rest of my life? no thank you, I don't want what you're selling.

EDIT: Another thing I've forgotten to mention that absolutely infuriates me is when people will say, "Why are you so down all the time? You're a good looking guy, go out and meet some people." ??? Why would the fact I might be somewhat attractive have any foothold on my depressive disorder? That's just stupid to even mention, as if somehow the fact I have the freedom to go out and sleep with women is going to fix all of my problems? What a joke.

 

[Ghost2211]

I feel you. I also don't get why people think life is always worth fixing or fighting for. I think there are some things in life that can be worth caring about, but I think life as a whole is complete BS.

 

[brokerofsecrets]

I feel you. I also don't get why people think life is always worth fixing or fighting for. I think there are some things in life that can be worth caring about, but I think life as a whole is complete BS.

Don't get me wrong, there are so many things I'm passionate about. I love creating music and playing music, I feel a lot of love towards people that feel the same way and are stuck with the life that they were given - or are victims of their own mental health issues, I love my family and I can't be more thankful for people that have supported me up until this point, but it's all such a small part of what makes up the world that it doesn't even matter in the end.

 

[bpdandme]

I fucking hate this saying. It's repeated all through any psychology resource that explores the nature of depression and suicidal tendencies, but it's not true. The idea that nobody wants to die, but choose to as a last resort is flawed, because it gives society the idea that everybody can be saved and whenever anyone has active suicidal ideation it's always "a cry for help" or "stresses" that can be fixed with therapy or medication or admitting to hospital or whatever the fuck the mental health services want to offer at any particular time. I'll say one thing - I want to die. I couldn't care less if my life was great, if everything that's crumbled in front of me was magically fixed and quality of life soared for me, I'm a broken person already and I don't want to fucking live anymore, I want to CTB because I want to die, it's simple, for me it's not the fact of "i don't see another option", I see plenty of options for me, I just refuse to take them because I don't want to fix things and go through therapy or whatever, I just want to be gone. Sure, you can try and fix the funny stuff that's going on in my head, sure we can try to work through my issues, pay off my debts, get me out of the house, I don't care - but you can't fix how spiteful and cruel the world really is, how awful human nature really is and the masks that people wear to disguise their real intents, no matter how well I am corruption will still be rife in the world, and I'm still going to be used by people who want something for themselves, and the chances of me being abused again from my point of view are high. People love to dress the world and the human condition up in pretty colours, but I'm not fucking buying it - it's all for show, what's life? I'm sticking around to be bullied by people with more money than I've got, and repeat the same cycle of wake up, work, eat, sleep for the rest of my life? no thank you, I don't want what you're selling.

EDIT: Another thing I've forgotten to mention that absolutely infuriates me is when people will say, "Why are you so down all the time? You're a good looking guy, go out and meet some people." ??? Why would the fact I might be somewhat attractive have any foothold on my depressive disorder? That's just stupid to even mention, as if somehow the fact I have the freedom to go out and sleep with women is going to fix all of my problems? What a joke.

I feel like I could of wrote this. I'm so sorry you feel like this, I feel your pain very heavily. Even if I had a "perfect" life I would still be depressed, we're told not to get affected by things on the news/the lack of morality in the world etc because we can't do anything about it - but that is what upsets me.

People treated me differently after a suicide attempt for a week. People at work don't know about my mental health problems and are bitchy towards me but if they knew I attempted suicide they would not treat me how they do. I am stuck in my head completely and I'd like to leave and not participate in this game of ignorance and ego-play. I think I am so different to everyone else and think things differently, constantly misunderstood.

The day after I was in hospital for a suicide attempt my doctor says I'm good looking with a good figure, what do I have to be depressed about. My whole life I have been hated on by girls, had rumours started about me, people try and tear me down and had unwanted/unsolicited attention from men and sexual abuse. Why do people think being stereotypically attractive is a good thing, it has been negative in my experience.

I hate people so much, the only good people are on this site.

 

[animatriste]

I understand you and the truth that we are souls who are too sensitive and fragile for the shitty life that surrounds us. That's why we want to fly free

 

[Broken Chimera]

You outlined what I feel everyday. What gets me is most people who have good lives can't see how worthless life is. When you see that getting it together only adds more problems, it's easy to not want to do it anymore.

 

[brokerofsecrets]

You outlined what I feel everyday. What gets me is most people who have good lives can't see how worthless life is. When you see that getting it together only adds more problems, it's easy to not want to do it anymore.

I feel that's at the point we all are at. Of course, there are many of us who do just want to end the suffering and take life one day at a time, but there are so many others like you and me that don't want to try anymore, we're fucked, we are beyond the point of being saved and no amount of activity or material possession can change that.

 

[to_rid_the_disease]

I hate the term "a cry for help". For some people maybe it is, and they want to be saved but I don't. I think it's so cruel that there are good people in this world that genuinely want to live but have a terminal illness or have it taken away from them too soon. I would give my life to them in a heartbeat. Then I could also be at peace. We all have the right to die when we choose but are forced to come to sites like this so that we can die with some semblance of dignity. Instead society wants us to suffer all for the sake of "being alive". I also hate the phrase " suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem". You come inside my head and tell me that my problem is temporary. I want to die and that is not temporary. Suicide as a permanent solution is the whole point. Also, I want to say I am really grateful for sites like this. So a big thanks.

 

[OddOne]

I fucking hate this saying. It's repeated all through any psychology resource that explores the nature of depression and suicidal tendencies, but it's not true. The idea that nobody wants to die, but choose to as a last resort is flawed, because it gives society the idea that everybody can be saved and whenever anyone has active suicidal ideation it's always "a cry for help" or "stresses" that can be fixed with therapy or medication or admitting to hospital or whatever the fuck the mental health services want to offer at any particular time. I'll say one thing - I want to die. I couldn't care less if my life was great, if everything that's crumbled in front of me was magically fixed and quality of life soared for me, I'm a broken person already and I don't want to fucking live anymore, I want to CTB because I want to die, it's simple, for me it's not the fact of "i don't see another option", I see plenty of options for me, I just refuse to take them because I don't want to fix things and go through therapy or whatever, I just want to be gone. Sure, you can try and fix the funny stuff that's going on in my head, sure we can try to work through my issues, pay off my debts, get me out of the house, I don't care - but you can't fix how spiteful and cruel the world really is, how awful human nature really is and the masks that people wear to disguise their real intents, no matter how well I am corruption will still be rife in the world, and I'm still going to be used by people who want something for themselves, and the chances of me being abused again from my point of view are high. People love to dress the world and the human condition up in pretty colours, but I'm not fucking buying it - it's all for show, what's life? I'm sticking around to be bullied by people with more money than I've got, and repeat the same cycle of wake up, work, eat, sleep for the rest of my life? no thank you, I don't want what you're selling.

EDIT: Another thing I've forgotten to mention that absolutely infuriates me is when people will say, "Why are you so down all the time? You're a good looking guy, go out and meet some people." ??? Why would the fact I might be somewhat attractive have any foothold on my depressive disorder? That's just stupid to even mention, as if somehow the fact I have the freedom to go out and sleep with women is going to fix all of my problems? What a joke.

My man! Or my woman! (To be gender inclusive-ish.) Such a based post. Well put. I am with you. I am just "done." Once I get over my survival instinct I'll take my S/N and chill out.

 

[ManchurianCandidate]

Some people like me are just not suited for normal live,whatever they do they fuck up mostly.I just lost interest of most things dont have motivation to go on dont have nothing to look in the future and cant change the past which had already shape my mind to the point I cant change I dont even know how to change Im not even motivated to change something.Cant imagine my live in the next few years.

 

[Sensei]

Well, not all suicidal people are the same, are they? I'm sure many don't really want to die, only to get their suffering to end. I think it's just as bad to say that no one is like that as it is to say that everyone is like that. Just my two cents.

 

[nightflight]

Why is wanting to die anyway always considered irrational? Sometimes a hard calculation of life's debits and credits results in a net negative, both now and in the future. Why is this so hard for people to understand?

 

[ForensicallyAware]

Recently I've come to the view that you don't choose suicide it chooses you

 

[BPD Barbie]

I think I agree with this statement but it's a case by case basis and everyone is different. For me, I want to live but I didn't want to live the way I was. Suffering every single day, the emotional pain was so heavy. Now I'm lucky that I am recovering and I want to live again. The world is beautiful and wonderful and full of mystery. I have nothing against it, nothing against anyone really, but we will all have our different opinions, especially on such sensitive matters.

 

[Despondent]

I'm glad somebody's said this because I feel this way. I want to die and I don't want to be saved

 

[S1mpleme]

People don't want to die, they don't want to suffer and want to be happy. So am I, but who cares what I want, I'm afraid I can't change my life, I'm nothing in this world.

 

[Majin K.]

Recently I've come to the view that you don't choose suicide it chooses you

It's called natural selection and the law of the strongest. We are being sorted out, because we're too weak for this world. The human species only needs people who have the willpower to continue fighting in this cruel world and competition based societies.

 

[AlreadyGone]

People don't want to die, they don't want to suffer and want to be happy.

This. I couldn't agree more. I don't want to die, I just want to be happy. But dying is my only choice because if I live, I will have to live a life of unhappiness.

 

[TAW122]

I fucking hate this saying. It's repeated all through any psychology resource that explores the nature of depression and suicidal tendencies, but it's not true. The idea that nobody wants to die, but choose to as a last resort is flawed, because it gives society the idea that everybody can be saved and whenever anyone has active suicidal ideation it's always "a cry for help" or "stresses" that can be fixed with therapy or medication or admitting to hospital or whatever the fuck the mental health services want to offer at any particular time. I'll say one thing - I want to die. I couldn't care less if my life was great, if everything that's crumbled in front of me was magically fixed and quality of life soared for me, I'm a broken person already and I don't want to fucking live anymore, I want to CTB because I want to die, it's simple, for me it's not the fact of "i don't see another option", I see plenty of options for me, I just refuse to take them because I don't want to fix things and go through therapy or whatever, I just want to be gone. Sure, you can try and fix the funny stuff that's going on in my head, sure we can try to work through my issues, pay off my debts, get me out of the house, I don't care - but you can't fix how spiteful and cruel the world really is, how awful human nature really is and the masks that people wear to disguise their real intents, no matter how well I am corruption will still be rife in the world, and I'm still going to be used by people who want something for themselves, and the chances of me being abused again from my point of view are high. People love to dress the world and the human condition up in pretty colours, but I'm not fucking buying it - it's all for show, what's life? I'm sticking around to be bullied by people with more money than I've got, and repeat the same cycle of wake up, work, eat, sleep for the rest of my life? no thank you, I don't want what you're selling.

EDIT: Another thing I've forgotten to mention that absolutely infuriates me is when people will say, "Why are you so down all the time? You're a good looking guy, go out and meet some people." ??? Why would the fact I might be somewhat attractive have any foothold on my depressive disorder? That's just stupid to even mention, as if somehow the fact I have the freedom to go out and sleep with women is going to fix all of my problems? What a joke.

Excellent post, pretty much summed up a lot of my sentiments against the pro-life bullshit that the majority of people IRL spew. I fully agree with how that phrase is dangerous and can (and has already) been misconstrued many times. I think if they changed it from "Nobody really wants to die, they just want the suffering to stop" to "Some people just don't find life worth living and are exercising their right to self-deliverance/CTB" or whatever, then that would help tremendously, but no society, the psychiatric field, and government would not allow that mostly because they feel morally superior to lord over the suicidal's lives as well as extract as much resources (time, money, consumerism, and more) from us as possible.

This is a strong reason why I refuse to better myself because I don't wish to contribute nor live in a society that sanctions and supports involuntary hospitalization, or forces people to live against their will whether they like it or not. I don't give a shit if society frowns upon someone who has "potential" to be amazing, but ends up as failure or loser (unemployed or underemployed at times, not utilizing full talents, not socially successful, or success in any other metric and stuff). I am thinking of CTB'ing after I've done what I wish to do and on my own terms, but I digress.

Anyways, yes I fully agree with your post and I wished that these people stop using that bullshit line of logic, because while there are some people who don't wish to die, there are still many people who wish to die, regardless of where they are in life.

 

[Rome Horseman]

I think I agree with this statement but it's a case by case basis and everyone is different. For me, I want to live but I didn't want to live the way I was. Suffering every single day, the emotional pain was so heavy. Now I'm lucky that I am recovering and I want to live again. The world is beautiful and wonderful and full of mystery. I have nothing against it, nothing against anyone really, but we will all have our different opinions, especially on such sensitive matters.

I wish i could get the help like you Barbie, I really really do.. if I don't get it I'm ctb! I'm trying to give myself a while year, or atlease when my grandparents pass away to do so.. I just hope things get better for me.. I'm happy for you

 

[Cave Johnson]

It's called natural selection and the law of the strongest. We are being sorted out, because we're too weak for this world. The human species only needs people who have the willpower to continue fighting in this cruel world and competition based societies.

I would have to disagree with this if I'm honest. Yes, in the past of our society this was true, but it really isn't and hasn't been for a long time, but especially in the last 50 or so years. Natural selection is only one factor of many when you look at the grand scope of evolution. We've even removed natural selection from the factors directly effecting us for the most part. In the past 300 years we've proven we don't have to adapt to our environment, we can force our environment to adapt to us. Sexual selection isn't even a factor anymore as surrogate births and and sperm donor selection are now easy and relatively cheep to do, made even easier by our rapidly increasing knowledge of genetics and capability for artificial gene selection. in approximately 100 years, as we expand out into our solar system and utilize the vast resources of the system, resource scarcity will become a thing of the past and the only reasons for competition will be almost entirely traditional and ideological.

 

[Mooshi]

I fucking hate this saying. It's repeated all through any psychology resource that explores the nature of depression and suicidal tendencies, but it's not true. The idea that nobody wants to die, but choose to as a last resort is flawed, because it gives society the idea that everybody can be saved and whenever anyone has active suicidal ideation it's always "a cry for help" or "stresses" that can be fixed with therapy or medication or admitting to hospital or whatever the fuck the mental health services want to offer at any particular time. I'll say one thing - I want to die. I couldn't care less if my life was great, if everything that's crumbled in front of me was magically fixed and quality of life soared for me, I'm a broken person already and I don't want to fucking live anymore, I want to CTB because I want to die, it's simple, for me it's not the fact of "i don't see another option", I see plenty of options for me, I just refuse to take them because I don't want to fix things and go through therapy or whatever, I just want to be gone. Sure, you can try and fix the funny stuff that's going on in my head, sure we can try to work through my issues, pay off my debts, get me out of the house, I don't care - but you can't fix how spiteful and cruel the world really is, how awful human nature really is and the masks that people wear to disguise their real intents, no matter how well I am corruption will still be rife in the world, and I'm still going to be used by people who want something for themselves, and the chances of me being abused again from my point of view are high. People love to dress the world and the human condition up in pretty colours, but I'm not fucking buying it - it's all for show, what's life? I'm sticking around to be bullied by people with more money than I've got, and repeat the same cycle of wake up, work, eat, sleep for the rest of my life? no thank you, I don't want what you're selling.

EDIT: Another thing I've forgotten to mention that absolutely infuriates me is when people will say, "Why are you so down all the time? You're a good looking guy, go out and meet some people." ??? Why would the fact I might be somewhat attractive have any foothold on my depressive disorder? That's just stupid to even mention, as if somehow the fact I have the freedom to go out and sleep with women is going to fix all of my problems? What a joke.

Exactly how I feel, couldn't have said it better myself

 

[mpnf]

Recently I've come to the view that you don't choose suicide it chooses you

I sort of "like" that statement but why do you have that idea? Could you explain that perspective if you don't mind? Sounds "interesting" to find out.

 

[ForensicallyAware]

I sort of "like" that statement but why do you have that idea? Could you explain that perspective if you don't mind? Sounds "interesting" to find out.

Well in my own case I became suicidal after years of depression and knocks then after one too many blows the thought of suicide suddenly appeared in my head almost as if I didn't consciously choose it

 

[Majin K.]

I would have to disagree with this if I'm honest. Yes, in the past of our society this was true, but it really isn't and hasn't been for a long time, but especially in the last 50 or so years. Natural selection is only one factor of many when you look at the grand scope of evolution. We've even removed natural selection from the factors directly effecting us for the most part. In the past 300 years we've proven we don't have to adapt to our environment, we can force our environment to adapt to us. Sexual selection isn't even a factor anymore as surrogate births and and sperm donor selection are now easy and relatively cheep to do, made even easier by our rapidly increasing knowledge of genetics and capability for artificial gene selection. in approximately 100 years, as we expand out into our solar system and utilize the vast resources of the system, resource scarcity will become a thing of the past and the only reasons for competition will be almost entirely traditional and ideological.

I would have to disagree with humanity expanding to space. It's such a ridiculous and laughable idea. The only planet which is similar to Earth is so far away that we'll never make it there. Or living on Mars where there is literally nothing not even air? What a joke.

 

[Deathbydemo]

Excellent post, pretty much summed up a lot of my sentiments against the pro-life bullshit that the majority of people IRL spew. I fully agree with how that phrase is dangerous and can (and has already) been misconstrued many times. I think if they changed it from "Nobody really wants to die, they just want the suffering to stop" to "Some people just don't find life worth living and are exercising their right to self-deliverance/CTB" or whatever, then that would help tremendously, but no society, the psychiatric field, and government would not allow that mostly because they feel morally superior to lord over the suicidal's lives as well as extract as much resources (time, money, consumerism, and more) from us as possible.

This is a strong reason why I refuse to better myself because I don't wish to contribute nor live in a society that sanctions and supports involuntary hospitalization, or forces people to live against their will whether they like it or not. I don't give a shit if society frowns upon someone who has "potential" to be amazing, but ends up as failure or loser (unemployed or underemployed at times, not utilizing full talents, not socially successful, or success in any other metric and stuff). I am thinking of CTB'ing after I've done what I wish to do and on my own terms, but I digress.

Anyways, yes I fully agree with your post and I wished that these people stop using that bullshit line of logic, because while there are some people who don't wish to die, there are still many people who wish to die, regardless of where they are in life.

Agree with this, word for word. Very well written.

 

[Cave Johnson]

I would have to disagree with humanity expanding to space. It's such a ridiculous and laughable idea. The only planet which is similar to Earth is so far away that we'll never make it there. Or living on Mars where there is literally nothing not even air? What a joke.

With respect, it appears you don't actually know much about stellar habitation beyond what you've [presumably] seen in Star Wars or Star Trek. It is entirely possible to artificially construct habitable environments that are even more habitable than Earth is. this isn't even pontificating about technology we might have one day, this is actually possible right now with modern technology(well, 15+ year old technology). A simple 1.5km diameter 5km long cylinder has over 20km^2 of internal surface area and all you have to do is make it spin to get gravity. Our local star system has the material and space to build enough habitats hundreds of km apart for quadrillions of people as our solar system is almost 2 light years from one end to the other. There is no shortage of materials and there is no shortage of space.

As I said, we can force our environment to suit us at our whim. We don't because of the startup costs and politics.

 

[thouisdead]

This quote has been stolen and distorted. I believe in what Pascal says:
"All men seek happiness. This is without exception. Whatever different means they employ, they all tend to this end. The cause of some going to war, and of others avoiding it, is the same desire in both, attended with different views. The will never takes the least step but to this object. This is the motive of every action of every man, even of those who hang themselves."
Funny thing is the amount of discussion on the reachability of that ideal and the ignorance of that by pro-life hipocrates.

 

[brokerofsecrets]

This quote has been stolen and distorted. I believe in what Pascal says:
"All men seek happiness. This is without exception. Whatever different means they employ, they all tend to this end. The cause of some going to war, and of others avoiding it, is the same desire in both, attended with different views. The will never takes the least step but to this object. This is the motive of every action of every man, even of those who hang themselves."
Funny thing is the amount of discussion on the reachability of that ideal and the ignorance of that by pro-life hipocrates.

exactly what I'm talking about, their happiness is in their work, my happiness is in the noose, tomato tomatoes.

 

[ctbUniquectb]

I'm actually on the side of "want to live, but without suffering." The thing is that I've ha a shit life and am imaginging some sort of metaphysical life that others have that is suffering-free. I guess when thers say "we all have problems, ctbuniquectb" they're not bullshitting me, they just all have a low tolerance relative to me.