Nobody else understands

[Jengator]

I can't talk to anyone else about this. I've posted before, but my physical pain is getting worse and worse. I am very sick. I don't digest foods, my liver and stomach are ruined. I'm dying painfully. I don't want to die. People tell me to don't kill myself because of my kids and parents and that tortures me more. I've been sick and bedridden for a year. People also think I haven't exhausted the healthcare system. I haven't gotten help from doctors and now I'm so weak that I can hardly walk. Doctors aren't very good with mercury poisoning and Lyme disease. They think you're crazy. I ordered N from A and waiting. I'm scared to use any other method. I don't even know if I can take the N. I want to live but I'm in so much pain physically. Picturing my 10 and 14 year old boys growing up without their dad is killing me. I just don't know how much more a human being can take. I wish I was in prison instead of this. At least I could eat and go to the bathroom. Thank you for listening.

-Charlie

 

[Blackjack]

I'm so sorry, I know how excruciating it is to picture our kids without us in their lives. I live with that tortured prospect daily. And while I want my pain to end, knowing theirs is only beginning is hard to take.

 

[Jengator]

I'm so sorry, I know how excruciating it is to picture our kids without us in their lives. I live with that tortured prospect daily. And while I want my pain to end, knowing theirs is only beginning is hard to take.

I'm sorry you have to go through that too. If this helps, my sister died over 5 years ago and her kids are doing well. They've adapted. Their dad remarried and they are doing good in school.

 

[Blackjack]

Yes, all I want for my husband & sons is to bounce back quickly & get on with their lives.

 

[Jengator]

That shows your love for them. My ex wife has a serious boyfriend who has 2 boys. It comforts me that he is a good guy with 2 sons also. So my kids will gain brothers.
I did want to ask a question from the people much more wise here. I'm hanging on by a thread. I ordered and waiting for N from A.
I've read people say not go do it impulsively. That it should be planned out I guess. In my situation, I haven't planned anything. My osinbis gettibg excruciating so I can see myself doing it impulsively if the pain is so unbearable and I haven't died yet. In that situation, do you see it as understandable?

Yes, all I want for my husband & sons is to bounce back quickly & get on with their lives.

Do you believe in heaven?

 

[Blackjack]

And hopefully your ex wife's boyfriend is a good enough guy to serve as a father figure in your absence.

 

[Jengator]

One of my biggest prayers.
Have you spoken to your kids about your possible passing?

 

[Blackjack]

They know I'm dying of ALS. They don't know I'm drinking N Monday night.

In my husband's note I told him I hope he finds another woman to love, and I mean it. It would be best for him & our boys.

 

[gingerplum]

I think it's completely understandable if your health is failing and there's no reasonable hope of any meaningful recovery. I would hope in time even your sons would realize that your suffering had become unbearable.

 

[Mailooo]

having read this... just breaks my heart. just a phrase, but I really feel you. I know what physical disease means and what constant pain is. I doubt, I can say sth of worth, sth that would change anything, or ease ur struggle. .. I am so sorry.

Well, there is suicide for better reasons, and for worse reasons. Ur pain seems to be immense, and of course, having children is a mighty weight on your consciousness, and it also should be.

But it seems, in your case, as well, it is appropriate to at least take it into consideration that u might have the moral permission to end your own life.

Having children is actually one of the big "no-dont do it yet"-criteria for me.

It is sooo hard. I am so sorry.

Damn.

P.S.: What people say is often very hurtful, they dont know shit, if they have not been anywhere near where you are...

Damn...

 

[Blackjack]

That shows your love for them. My ex wife has a serious boyfriend who has 2 boys. It comforts me that he is a good guy with 2 sons also. So my kids will gain brothers.
I did want to ask a question from the people much more wise here. I'm hanging on by a thread. I ordered and waiting for N from A.
I've read people say not go do it impulsively. That it should be planned out I guess. In my situation, I haven't planned anything. My osinbis gettibg excruciating so I can see myself doing it impulsively if the pain is so unbearable and I haven't died yet. In that situation, do you see it as understandable?

Do you believe in heaven?

No but I believe in HELL ON EARTH.

 

[Dawn0071111]

I crushes my heart to hear you and anyone else say "..I don't want to die..." I dont think one could utter more heartbreaking words. I'm sure you tried everything. The medical system doesn't have much for those illnesses. I had SIBO for 4 years... So I do know how awful and painful it is when a humans disgestive system dysfucntions.... and you have it to the extreme and am dying and so much pain. I have done many years of research..... MAny diseases have gone into remission with a radical change of diet and fasting. If you really dont want to die, are you still willing to try something else? Or are you done? Have you done any water fasting or radical food elimination diets? Usually this means a mono diet many people with rare illnesses have cured them by finding one or two feeds thier body could tolerate and eating them for months or a few years........ if any of this intersts you pm me...... otherwise I wish you the most safe and peaceful boarding of the bus..

Huggzzz

 

[Blackjack]

I think it's completely understandable if your health is failing and there's no reasonable hope of any meaningful recovery. I would hope in time even your sons would realize that your suffering had become unbearable.

Hopefully in time...

 

[Jengator]

I crushes my heart to hear you and anyone else say "..I don't want to die..." I dont think one could utter more heartbreaking words. I'm sure you tried everything. The medical system doesn't have much for those illnesses. I had SIBO for 4 years... So I do know how awful and painful it is when a humans disgestive system dysfucntions.... and you have it to the extreme and am dying and so much pain. I have done many years of research..... MAny diseases have gone into remission with a radical change of diet and fasting. If you really dont want to die, are you still willing to try something else? Or are you done? Have you done any water fasting or radical food elimination diets? Usually this means a mono diet many people with rare illnesses have cured them by finding one or two feeds thier body could tolerate and eating them for months or a few years........ if any of this intersts you pm me...... otherwise I wish you the most safe and peaceful boarding of the bus..

Huggzzz

I'm still trying to recover but the metals, mold, fungus, parasites are eating away at my tissue, organs and brain. I'd rather go to prison than this.

 

[Dawn0071111]

I'm still trying to recover but the metals, mold, fungus, parasites are eating away at my tissue, organs and brain. I'd rather go to prison than this.

I know hun, its awful... I bet your exhausted.... Im so sorry you suffer so much... I hope then whatever you have chosen will bring you relief. .u deserve it

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

I can't talk to anyone else about this. I've posted before, but my physical pain is getting worse and worse. I am very sick. I don't digest foods, my liver and stomach are ruined. I'm dying painfully. I don't want to die. People tell me to don't kill myself because of my kids and parents and that tortures me more. I've been sick and bedridden for a year. People also think I haven't exhausted the healthcare system. I haven't gotten help from doctors and now I'm so weak that I can hardly walk. Doctors aren't very good with mercury poisoning and Lyme disease. They think you're crazy. I ordered N from A and waiting. I'm scared to use any other method. I don't even know if I can take the N. I want to live but I'm in so much pain physically. Picturing my 10 and 14 year old boys growing up without their dad is killing me. I just don't know how much more a human being can take. I wish I was in prison instead of this. At least I could eat and go to the bathroom. Thank you for listening.

-Charlie

So sorry for what you are going through. I hope you are able to find peace soon.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Your story breaks my heart. I know what it's like to not want to die but it''s happening slowly and painfully. I too am in increasing pain which is now almost unbearable and can get no help. I'm lacking the courage to ctb for all the usual reasons. Stuck between a rock and a hard place. I'm glad at least I have no kids that must be so hard.

People really don't understand your situation until they've been to in something similar. 3 years ago I'd never have believed I'd be suicidal. Ahhh I wish there was a sentiment for us non religious types that could properly express: I'll pray for you. Cus I will, I'll do whatever that is.

 

[Sweet emotion]

I know a lot about pain and I'm so sorry you're in so much of it. I've been in bed for 14 years. I know what the isolation does to you. It makes you feel like you're the last person left on Earth.

 

[Ruffian]

I'm sorry you are in such a bad place. I've had digestive trouble all my life, and at times it's been very painful, unmanageable, and even those closest to me don't understand it. I can't imagine having that plus everything else you've mentioned.

 

[mk47]

I feel you. Physical Illness, in the extreme, can crush your spirit and soul, make you irritable, and can taint your families memory of you. My mom always says I'm mean when I'm sick, and now I'm chronically sick. It's the worst. I wish you the best though.

 

[Jengator]

Your story breaks my heart. I know what it's like to not want to die but it''s happening slowly and painfully. I too am in increasing pain which is now almost unbearable and can get no help. I'm lacking the courage to ctb for all the usual reasons. Stuck between a rock and a hard place. I'm glad at least I have no kids that must be so hard.

People really don't understand your situation until they've been to in something similar. 3 years ago I'd never have believed I'd be suicidal. Ahhh I wish there was a sentiment for us non religious types that could properly express: I'll pray for you. Cus I will, I'll do whatever that is.

I'm sorry you are going through this. Yes I swore up and down I'd never commit suicide. I loved life and my kids way too much. Now I'm suffering so much but I still hope I don't have to do it. Hope to get a miracle. Or go on my sleep. And hope my boys can still find happiness.

I feel you. Physical Illness, in the extreme, can crush your spirit and soul, make you irritable, and can taint your families memory of you. My mom always says I'm mean when I'm sick, and now I'm chronically sick. It's the worst. I wish you the best though.

I wish you the best too. Thank you.

I'm sorry you are in such a bad place. I've had digestive trouble all my life, and at times it's been very painful, unmanageable, and even those closest to me don't understand it. I can't imagine having that plus everything else you've mentioned.

Thank you

 

[RileyTanaka]

I'm still trying to recover but the metals, mold, fungus, parasites are eating away at my tissue, organs and brain. I'd rather go to prison than this.

You should probably save yourself more time suffering and disbelief by the traditional medical establishment and look into the Rife machine - I have a lot of the same issues as you and self-treatment is the only path for people like us. PM me if you need more info (and mods if you're reading this, I'm not a scammer).

 

[Jengator]

You should probably save yourself more time suffering and disbelief by the traditional medical establishment and look into the Rife machine - I have a lot of the same issues as you and self-treatment is the only path for people like us. PM me if you need more info (and mods if you're reading this, I'm not a scammer).

Thank you. I've tried Rife and it did help me. The practitioner is 2 hours away from me though. What kind of machine do you have?

 

[RileyTanaka]

Thank you. I've tried Rife and it did help me. The practitioner is 2 hours away from me though. What kind of machine do you have?

You should probably look into self-treatment then and get your own setup. It's more cost effective in the long term anyway, as I hear treatment takes about 2 full years for people who are suffering from chronic infections.

 

[lymestolemylife]

I can't talk to anyone else about this. I've posted before, but my physical pain is getting worse and worse. I am very sick. I don't digest foods, my liver and stomach are ruined. I'm dying painfully. I don't want to die. People tell me to don't kill myself because of my kids and parents and that tortures me more. I've been sick and bedridden for a year. People also think I haven't exhausted the healthcare system. I haven't gotten help from doctors and now I'm so weak that I can hardly walk. Doctors aren't very good with mercury poisoning and Lyme disease. They think you're crazy. I ordered N from A and waiting. I'm scared to use any other method. I don't even know if I can take the N. I want to live but I'm in so much pain physically. Picturing my 10 and 14 year old boys growing up without their dad is killing me. I just don't know how much more a human being can take. I wish I was in prison instead of this. At least I could eat and go to the bathroom. Thank you for listening.

-Charlie

I'mm so sorry to hear how evil Lyme Disease has stolen another life as it has mine. I have severe Late Stage Lyme Disease I have a husband and 11 year old daughter. I don't want to die either and leave them but am tortured too much every day dying a slow slow death. I have neuropathy stomach issues, food allergies, horrible migraines, and can't eat many foods either. Foods cause me severe pain. I wake up to level 6-8 sharp burning pain in my arms every morning that takes an hour or two to go away even with pain pills, its like awakening to torture every morning. I can't walk much or stand long anymore due to sharp pains in my feet hips and knees. Funny I told my husband i'd rather be in prison too than live my hellish life.

 

[Jengator]

I'm so sorry. For both of us and our kids

I'm sorry you have to go through that too. If this helps, my sister died over 5 years ago and her kids are doing well. They've adapted. Their dad remarried and they are doing good in school.

Thank you

 

[tmcglone25]

Hi, I just want to say that I used to be a straight A student and a star athlete but then I was bit by a tick, now I am bedridden, I have schizoaffective disorder, gastroparesis, and a chronic migraine, and I mean one single chronic migraine that hasn't gone away for two years, so I feel your pain. Lyme stole my life too. I'm so sorry for everything you have been through. I'm on the fence about whether or not I want to CTB. I ordered some SN and it's about to come in the mail, I think I just want to have the option. I just want to know that there is a way out.

 

[lymestolemylife]

Hi, I just want to say that I used to be a straight A student and a star athlete but then I was bit by a tick, now I am bedridden, I have schizoaffective disorder, gastroparesis, and a chronic migraine, and I mean one single chronic migraine that hasn't gone away for two years, so I feel your pain. Lyme stole my life too. I'm so sorry for everything you have been through. I'm on the fence about whether or not I want to CTB. I ordered some SN and it's about to come in the mail, I think I just want to have the option. I just want to know that there is a way out.

I'm so sorry for your loss. It's heartbreaking to have your identity ripped from you and the things you love stolen from you. Lyme is a horrible disease that tortures us but won't kill us. It makes me feel more secure to have SN too. Things are looking bleak for me. I can't really walk anymore. Have horrible pain in my tailbone down my legs and feet. It's pushing me more and more in that direction.