Venting Nobody else is worth living for

[bluefeather177]

I'M DONE LIVING FOR ANYONE ELSE. For SO long I convinced myself to live for others. When I was younger, it was for my addict mother because I didn't know what she would do to herself if I was gone. Then I lived for my gf, then my bf. Now I am alone so I try to live for friends.
But I'm a fucking afterthought to everybody. My friends are all in relationships. The girl I liked at work would never feel the same so I pushed away my feelings to have a new friend. But she started dating one of my other friends and now I'm an afterthought to her. I will never mean as much to her as she does to me. I'll never mean as much to anyone as they do to me.
I told a friend about how I was feeling and how every time I am alone the misery of being alive is unbearable. But I'm purposely excluded by that friend when I live 3 minutes away. As if I can't see everyone hanging out without me. As if I can't see their location all at the same place. They are avoiding me. I don't know what I did. Why are they ignoring me when they know how much I'm suffering?
Fuck everybody. No one is worth living for. I'm so burned out on this life. I will never change or be good enough to do anything with my life. Everyone I have ever loved and have ever continued living for has left me or fucked me over or stopped caring about me. I constantly fantasize about being dead or going missing and wondering what people would do. I could disappear tonight. It would take so long for anyone to even realize I'm gone. When I ctb I won't be caught.
I used to be soooo afraid of death. I wanted to die for so long but never seriously entertained the idea because of fear and guilt. But I feel calmer here. It's like a halfway house for souls passing onto the other side. At first I thought it was morbid seeing so many people's posts who are gone now, but it's peaceful now. Dying doesn't feel so scary anymore. It's my turn soon.

 

[SilentSadness]

It's true, you can't trust anyone as people are innately self-centred and throw others away at the first opportunity. Living for others is pointless anyway, the things they use you for won't make them as happy as they think. Living for yourself is also pointless as life is a net negative. I'm glad that you gain some peace at least, so many are trapped in constant suffering. I so wish to be gone from the game of life but anyway I wish that your luck improves in the future and I don't think you deserve to be avoided either.

 

[FuneralCry]

The reality is that in this cruel world you simply cannot rely on people. Other people very often just create more suffering and just make things worse, they don't care about how others feel. I could never continue existing only for the sake of other people, as the fact is that we all have to die and lose everything anyway. Loss is just a part of life and continuing to exist here is just delaying the inevitable. But it's certainly for the best to be alone as long as one stays here.