Lilythefenfen
Exhausted of trying
- May 8, 2023
- 76
Another day right? Another vent. I've been worried about having the pills on my desk and that bottle of nitrite? Nobody's even asked about it. they know what it is? Why do i have it out on my desk? to see if anyone actually truly cared? fucking stupid of me, i know. Nobody cares after all. I think that's a fact that hurts more.
I care about all of you, i worry myself sick, wishing everything is painless. wishing everyone is happy in their decisions.
I've seen people come and go on this site, and it hurts. you get to know peoples stories, you can associate with them, and then it's ripped away from you because you learn that while you were sleeping they CTB'ed. do i care too much? or just enough to give them solace in knowing that somebody actually cares? why am i still here when they are sleeping? am I just that fucking weak?
I've always tried to remain positive when it comes to saying goodbye, always tried to comfort others. it's been so fucking hard trying to do it anymore. im in physical pain. im in mental pain. and all anyone ever seems to say to me besides you guys is "things get better." or "you're so brave."
how am i brave for letting a monster taint me.
I feel like an angel who's had their wings ripped from their back, perverted. something broken. something corrupted.
i can't forgive him for that, for hurting me that way, and i sure as hell won't forgive myself.
I care about all of you, i worry myself sick, wishing everything is painless. wishing everyone is happy in their decisions.
I've seen people come and go on this site, and it hurts. you get to know peoples stories, you can associate with them, and then it's ripped away from you because you learn that while you were sleeping they CTB'ed. do i care too much? or just enough to give them solace in knowing that somebody actually cares? why am i still here when they are sleeping? am I just that fucking weak?
I've always tried to remain positive when it comes to saying goodbye, always tried to comfort others. it's been so fucking hard trying to do it anymore. im in physical pain. im in mental pain. and all anyone ever seems to say to me besides you guys is "things get better." or "you're so brave."
how am i brave for letting a monster taint me.
I feel like an angel who's had their wings ripped from their back, perverted. something broken. something corrupted.
i can't forgive him for that, for hurting me that way, and i sure as hell won't forgive myself.