Venting Nobody cares. Even my therapist and best friend

[doesntmatter_94]

Just a short vent.

My therapist knows that I'm planning to kill myself (12/11!). She hasn't reported it because I know where the line is and I'm always careful not to cross it. Today she said that she doesn't believe that I'm as unhappy as I'm saying, yet, she's convinced that I'll go through with my plan, she won't intervene, though. At first, I was really glad to hear that. I don't want to be saved, I made it clear many times. But now I feel like my fucking BPD was triggered by this conversation and I'm annoyed and upset that "people won't fight for me because I'm not good enough."
Can't wait for this ridiculousness to be over.

I'm supposed to meet with her one more time before the X day, but I think that I'll cancel. I'm super worried that I won't be able to keep it together (I hate goodbyes). Plus I don't want her to trigger my SI.

Oh, also, over three weeks ago I told my best friend (who is a psychologist) that I'm suicidal and I haven't heard from her since. Who does that?

People really don't care, huh?

 

[FuneralCry]

All people are selfish, they only care about what directly affects themselves. It sounds frustrating what you are going through. I wish you the best, I hope you find peace.

 

[Marktheghost]

I can relate. Noone cares about me either.

 

[rationaltake]

Are you sure about this? Maybe you need to give yourself time to think. The right decision is more important than a particular date.

 

[doesntmatter_94]

Are you sure about this? Maybe you need to give yourself time to think. The right decision is more important than a particular date.

Yes, I'm sure. I've been suicidal since I was a kid, but I've made up my mind months ago. My life is such a mess and it's not even my fault. Someone's incompetence and laziness put my immigration status in question and now I'm facing deportation. A few months ago I was receiving a senior award and now I'm being kicked out of school. I've worked so hard and had a really good life and it turned into hell in one second because someone didn't feel like double checking their paperwork. I already know that I wouldn't be able to stay here for much longer and would be banned for coming back and seeing people I've loved for years. I'm done trying over and over, and fighting the system, I can't win.

 

[setup]

Yes, I'm sure. I've been suicidal since I was a kid, but I've made up my mind months ago. My life is such a mess and it's not even my fault. Someone's incompetence and laziness put my immigration status in question and now I'm facing deportation. A few months ago I was receiving a senior award and now I'm being kicked out of school. I've worked so hard and had a really good life and it turned into hell in one second because someone didn't feel like double checking their paperwork. I already know that I wouldn't be able to stay here for much longer and would be banned for coming back and seeing people I've loved for years. I'm done trying over and over, and fighting the system, I can't win.

I feel like if it was a paperwork mix up and not on ur end, it could be fixed? Idk but just a gut feeling?

 

[setup]

anyone who goes around telling people that they are suicidal , are not suicidal. perhaps you want to seek medical help to cope with your anxiety.

A lot of truth to this. If u don't want people to stop u, u wouldn't be telling everyone.

 

[IanUK]

Just a short vent.

My therapist knows that I'm planning to kill myself (12/11!). She hasn't reported it because I know where the line is and I'm always careful not to cross it. Today she said that she doesn't believe that I'm as unhappy as I'm saying, yet, she's convinced that I'll go through with my plan, she won't intervene, though. At first, I was really glad to hear that. I don't want to be saved, I made it clear many times. But now I feel like my fucking BPD was triggered by this conversation and I'm annoyed and upset that "people won't fight for me because I'm not good enough."
Can't wait for this ridiculousness to be over.

I'm supposed to meet with her one more time before the X day, but I think that I'll cancel. I'm super worried that I won't be able to keep it together (I hate goodbyes). Plus I don't want her to trigger my SI.

Oh, also, over three weeks ago I told my best friend (who is a psychologist) that I'm suicidal and I haven't heard from her since. Who does that?

People really don't care, huh?

They don't care because they don't feel how you feel they can't begin to comprehend you - we on here can. I've never said don't do anything because it's your choice and your body. But think long and hard and make peace with yourself and your soul. Doing something without thinking it through is bad. You have to go on that journey with yourself. I'm a coward I want it quick and painless because I don't like pain. People do care really they do but in my experience it's people on this forum that care because we all have the same thing in common. In medical terms we are mentally I'll but reading what people post in here has given me a clarity I've never had. I read so many people that are like me and strangely you feel no longer alone but it has never for one moment changed my attitude to the utter pointless waste my existence has been from birth onwards. I just don't connect with society and people - I've always been on the outside looking in even as a child. I'm gay but feel no connection with other gay people. I've never been ashamed of being gay I just don't like gay people any more than straight or any others. Connect with people on here - we do listen and bizarrely we care.

 

[PDAnnie2610]

Just a short vent.

My therapist knows that I'm planning to kill myself (12/11!). She hasn't reported it because I know where the line is and I'm always careful not to cross it. Today she said that she doesn't believe that I'm as unhappy as I'm saying, yet, she's convinced that I'll go through with my plan, she won't intervene, though. At first, I was really glad to hear that. I don't want to be saved, I made it clear many times. But now I feel like my fucking BPD was triggered by this conversation and I'm annoyed and upset that "people won't fight for me because I'm not good enough."
Can't wait for this ridiculousness to be over.

I'm supposed to meet with her one more time before the X day, but I think that I'll cancel. I'm super worried that I won't be able to keep it together (I hate goodbyes). Plus I don't want her to trigger my SI.

Oh, also, over three weeks ago I told my best friend (who is a psychologist) that I'm suicidal and I haven't heard from her since. Who does that?

People really don't care, huh?

Same thing happened here. I ended up attempting but SI kicked in. I'll attempt again within the month with additional safeguards.

Friends who are psychologists may not be able to accept your choice. They may understand how it works but it's a different ball game when it's happening to them personally - they may feel the need to withdraw for their own self care..

 

[doesntmatter_94]

Same thing happened here. I ended up attempting but SI kicked in. I'll attempt again within the month with additional safeguards.

Friends who are psychologists may not be able to accept your choice. They may understand how it works but it's a different ball game when it's happening to them personally - they may feel the need to withdraw for their own self care..

I attempted, too, but got interrupted and had to abort the mission. But will definitely try again. I still barely talk to the friend, but I've gotten closer to my therapist. She's not supporting my decision, but is respecting it. And honestly, that's all I needed to hear.

Good luck to you!