Venting Nobody Actually Cares

[Riu]

One of my biggest fears about opening up to my "friends" about being suicidal and whatnot was that they might try to get me to help and I'll have to deal with my family being all worried or whatever, and I really didn't want any of my friends to worry about me anyways. I told them, and they do not care. Legit just doesn't give a single shit. None of them even tried to talk to me about it.

I was like, "Wow, that is crazy. I thought they would at least worry a little bit." Nope, not a single one of them tried to reach out to me. One of them told me, "Work out, get a girlfriend, and focus on yourself." Like I haven't tried all that. I don't even really care about getting a girlfriend, I've never really loved anyone ever. Maybe that's because I can't make myself believe anyone would love me though. The most I got was, "You good bro?" Yeah, I'm fine. Not like I just told you how I wanted to die every day or anything. That makes me wonder if anybody even really considered me a friend or someone important in their lives. Are the friendships you see people have where they are sworn brothers even real? Am I just not likable enough to have a friendship like that?

Anyways, I stopped talking to my "friends" for a while now, and of course, none of them tried to talk to me. Now I am all alone. I don't think my family even really cares either, so who am I living for again? The only reason I didn't want to CTB, at least not yet, was because I wanted to live so my family wouldn't be so sad, but I don't think I really care anymore. I don't know what to do anymore.

Should I try again? Try to be better and find some kind of joy and fulfillment in life? I don't know, I've tried so many times now and I'm about ready to give up. I'll probably just be alone for the rest of my life anyways. I don't even know what to do with my life, I don't really enjoy anything anyways, or I just can't find the motivation to go do things I might enjoy. Can't even really cope with games anymore, it's really started to get dry. Everything is just such a hassle, I can't really bother being alive anymore.

 

[MildlyBetter]

I feel you bro, a similar thing happened to me recently with a guy I really thought understood me. Gotta move on from it ig, I personally am trying again but whatever feels right for you is the right choice.

 

[Deo volente]

One of my biggest fears about opening up to my "friends" about being suicidal and whatnot was that they might try to get me to help and I'll have to deal with my family being all worried or whatever, and I really didn't want any of my friends to worry about me anyways. I told them, and they do not care. Legit just doesn't give a single shit. None of them even tried to talk to me about it.

I was like, "Wow, that is crazy. I thought they would at least worry a little bit." Nope, not a single one of them tried to reach out to me. One of them told me, "Work out, get a girlfriend, and focus on yourself." Like I haven't tried all that. I don't even really care about getting a girlfriend, I've never really loved anyone ever. Maybe that's because I can't make myself believe anyone would love me though. The most I got was, "You good bro?" Yeah, I'm fine. Not like I just told you how I wanted to die every day or anything. That makes me wonder if anybody even really considered me a friend or someone important in their lives. Are the friendships you see people have where they are sworn brothers even real? Am I just not likable enough to have a friendship like that?

Anyways, I stopped talking to my "friends" for a while now, and of course, none of them tried to talk to me. Now I am all alone. I don't think my family even really cares either, so who am I living for again? The only reason I didn't want to CTB, at least not yet, was because I wanted to live so my family wouldn't be so sad, but I don't think I really care anymore. I don't know what to do anymore.

Should I try again? Try to be better and find some kind of joy and fulfillment in life? I don't know, I've tried so many times now and I'm about ready to give up. I'll probably just be alone for the rest of my life anyways. I don't even know what to do with my life, I don't really enjoy anything anyways, or I just can't find the motivation to go do things I might enjoy. Can't even really cope with games anymore, it's really started to get dry. Everything is just such a hassle, I can't really bother being alive anymore.

Relatable. Not everyone is lucky enough to be involved with other people who are invested in them. Idk what you 'should' do but, depending on the pain you are going through, dying isn't that urgent. Have you thought much about why you want to die? If you want someone to talk to abt it you can msg me.

 

[tsykoais]

in the same boat as u right now, fucking sucks. sending love <3

 

[Zegers]

but what do you expect them to do? give you a gun?

 

[MrBrownUpsideD]

It depends on how you brought up the topic. Suicide gets joked about a lot nowadays. And most people simply don't know how to discuss it. It makes them feel too akward to even try to listen and understand. But it could very well be that they don't care that much. So they avoid you hoping you'll figure it out without their help.

If it seems like they want to change the topic, don't push your luck. I've lost many friends that way. Talk to a professional if you can or with other people on this forum. I think you'll find it refreshing talking with someone who actually understands what you're going through.

 

[Riu]

Relatable. Not everyone is lucky enough to be involved with other people who are invested in them. Idk what you 'should' do but, depending on the pain you are going through, dying isn't that urgent. Have you thought much about why you want to die? If you want someone to talk to abt it you can msg me.

I feel like there is just no point in me living. No one really cares that much, and I don't really care anymore either. Most days I feel horrible and don't wanna get up and get through the day. I don't have anything I really enjoy right now, or any goals I think are worthwhile to try to achieve. I can't really see anything changing in the future. So I guess the best way to put it is that there is no point in living anymore. I just go to work so I can be alive and come back home to not really do anything. I think what I need is something to look forward to in life, but I don't know anything I care about, feels like everything is pointless and hopeless.

but what do you expect them to do? give you a gun?

Yeah, I thought about it, and I think it's just me hoping someone would do something and help me get out of this situation. If you really think about it though, that is so much effort to put into someone else for no benefits in return, so I don't really blame them. Reality just sucks I guess. I don't know why I told them, a part of me just wanted someone to know for some reason. Maybe I felt like they would have answers, but of course, they don't. I don't really understand myself tbh.

It depends on how you brought up the topic. Suicide gets joked about a lot nowadays. And most people simply don't know how to discuss it. It makes them feel too akward to even try to listen and understand. But it could very well be that they don't care that much. So they avoid you hoping you'll figure it out without their help.

If it seems like they want to change the topic, don't push your luck. I've lost many friends that way. Talk to a professional if you can or with other people on this forum. I think you'll find it refreshing talking with someone who actually understands what you're going through.

That is actually pretty helpful. I don't really know right now, but I'll put more thought into it. I think I should probably talk to a professional because it's really hard for me to put everything I feel into my head at once and understand what's happening. I think I should probably learn how to live life alone since I don't know if I can really find friends or get my old friends back. I think I have a hard time expressing how I feel since I don't understand myself that well and that might be really confusing for other people.

 

[LastFlowers]

That's horrible…I am so sorry that you experienced that apathetic reaction.
Also wtf kind of bullshit generic advice is "work out, get a gf and focus on yourself".
The last of which clearly means "focus on you, so I don't have to" apparently.

I've had similar reactions..whenever I've tried to be open with those around me, even from a distance, they either throw it back in my face in the most condescending, insulting, ignorant or cruel way imaginable..or they act like I didn't even mention it.
Legitimately just ignore me as a whole, or ignore my misery and opening up about it at the very least.
(They do the same thing when I ask them to please stop saying/doing something that is harmful and discriminatory toward me.)

It is incredibly difficult (and socially/emotionally dangerous) for someone in my position to even broach the specific topics of what torment me every moment I am alive, and when I find the courage (or desperation) to be real and honest instead of constantly swallowing the insurmountable pain and humiliation…I receive radio silence or a response where you would think I had never said a word about my suffering at all.
And I don't even get the chance to go very deep, but my existence is so excruciating and abysmal that even being vague more than gets the message across.
Honestly it's so obvious how fucked over I am (and has been), that it's astonishing to me that I'm the one who is forced to do the reaching out from my pit of despair (that has become markedly worse)..that I should even have to comment out loud about what goes without saying. Or repeat myself ad nauseam.
Imagine telling someone you don't go anywhere or see anyone and that you're doing remarkably terrible-progressively so for years, that you're sorry for even having to say as much (trying to save the other person any awkwardness and apologizing for not being around, even though they don't deserve that courtesy and clearly don't care about your presence regardless)..and then their response is still:
"Hope you're doing well."

Wtf. What did I just say!?
And then if you reiterate that you're not doing well, not even close…they just say a version of the same thing over again! Or give the perpetual cold shoulder.
It is so absurd, rude and uncaring..it's like they're hoping you get the hint that they don't actually give a damn and please just say you're fine!
And I get this from my own blood relatives!
People I never fucking bother with my problems even though they're also some of the same people who have contributed to my suffering and devaluation overall.
They don't give a shit whether I am alive or dead. It's all the same to them.
No interest either way in who I am as a person nor the adversity/disparity I face or the damage that's been done.
I shouldn't be surprised by this type of thing by now, but it never stops hurting.
Even more so when I witness the insane contrast in how they treat other people and also in the expectations they have for how others treat them…while I bleed out screaming on deaf ears and am left to rot, then blamed for my own demise.

I don't want anyone stopping my suicide, but it would be nice if someone in my circle cared about my reasons..or cared enough about me as a person to listen to a word I said (and maybe even reevaluate how they go about life and how they interact with those in my position).

 

[Riu]

That's horrible…I am so sorry that you experienced that apathetic reaction.
Also wtf kind of bullshit generic advice is "work out, get a gf and focus on yourself".
The last of which clearly means "focus on you, so I don't have to" apparently.

I've had similar reactions..whenever I've tried to be open with those around me, even from a distance, they either throw it back in my face in the most condescending, insulting, ignorant or cruel way imaginable..or they act like I didn't even mention it.
Legitimately just ignore me as a whole, or ignore my misery and opening up about it at the very least.
(They do the same thing when I ask them to please stop saying/doing something that is harmful and discriminatory toward me.)

It is incredibly difficult (and socially/emotionally dangerous) for someone in my position to even broach the specific topics of what torment me every moment I am alive, and when I find the courage (or desperation) to be real and honest instead of constantly swallowing the incredible amount of pain and humiliation…I receive radio silence or a response where you would think I had never said a word about my suffering at all.
And I don't even get the chance to go very deep, but my existence is so excruciating and abysmal that even being vague more than gets the message across.
Honestly it's so obvious how fucked over I am, that it's amazing to me that I'm the one who is forced to do the reaching out from my pit of despair..that I should even have to comment out loud about what goes without saying.
Imagine telling someone you don't go anywhere or see anyone and that you're doing remarkably terrible-progressively so for years, that you're sorry for even having to say as much (trying to save the other person any awkwardness and apologizing for not being around, even though they don't deserve that courtesy and clearly don't care about your presence regardless)..and then their response is still: "Hope you're doing well."

Wtf. What did I just say!?
And then if you reiterate that you're not doing well, not even close…they just say a version of the same thing over again! Or give the perpetual cold shoulder.
It is so absurd, rude and uncaring..it's like they're hoping you get the hint that they don't actually give a damn and please just say you're fine!
And I get this from my own blood relatives!
People I never fucking bother with my problems even though they're also some of the same people who have contributed to my suffering and devaluation overall.
They don't give a shit whether I am alive or dead. It's all the same to them.
No interest either way in who I am as a person nor the adversity I face or the damage that's been done.
I shouldn't be surprised by this type of thing by now, but it never stops hurting.
Even more so when I witness the insane contrast in how they treat other people and also in the expectations they have for how others treat them…while I bleed out screaming on deaf ears and am left to rot, then blamed for my own demise.

Yeah, I wish they could be more understanding, but I get why they might not though. They might just not understand or it might just be too big of a problem for them. It really is a personal problem I guess. It makes me very sad. I wish everyone could just look inside each other's heads to see how each other feel. I wish everyone has the time and energy to help each other out, but that is just not realistic. I don't have the energy and dedication to help someone out either, the most I could do is just listen and say some comforting words I guess. I don't really know anymore. I guess I'm just unfortunate to have to feel this way. I can hardly think clearly, I don't even know if any of this makes sense.

 

[Walk]

I feel you on this one. I get told to focus on myself and work out and all these other things but to be honest, it's hard to just "focus on myself" when I feel like I can't. I also work out on a daily basis but that doesn't feel as good as it used to when I first started. Once I picked up religion again (I'm a Christian), I did get a boost in mental health.

Going to a religious route could help fill the void of emptiness and lonelyness inside you. You aren't alone my friend. I promise you. You don't have to walk this road alone.

 

[Zegers]

Yeah, I thought about it, and I think it's just me hoping someone would do something and help me get out of this situation

its a hard pill to swallow but people can't help you and even if they can they won't, the only people who will help you will be your family (if you're lucky enough to have one that doesn't suck) good luck man

 

[LateForTheBus]

I'm really sorry for the reactions you received. I'm not sure if they truly don't care, or if they just didn't know how to handle it. Mental health and CTB is still a taboo thing in society. I think most people probably don't know what to say when you open up like that. (My sister once replied with just, "Don't say that" when I told her I was still suicidal even months after a failed attempt.) No matter what you choose, living or dying, we're here for you. We understand, and we care. (Hugs)

 

[LastFlowers]

It depends on how you brought up the topic. Suicide gets joked about a lot nowadays. And most people simply don't know how to discuss it. It makes them feel too akward to even try to listen and understand. But it could very well be that they don't care that much. So they avoid you hoping you'll figure it out without their help.

If it seems like they want to change the topic, don't push your luck. I've lost many friends that way. Talk to a professional if you can or with other people on this forum. I think you'll find it refreshing talking with someone who actually understands what you're going through.

"Professionals" (and I detest this undeserved title when we are referring to needing basic humanity and empathy from other people) are the last ones who will ever understand in my experience.
They don't want to address the root cause of any issue, just pathologize and analyze in a biased, removed way that disregards the actual person and psyche they claim to be assessing. For profit and prestige as well.
Their existence is also now used as an excuse for those around us to avoid being any sort of meaningful support network.
"I'm not a professional" now applies where it should never.
I avoid that phrase.
Even when I've found myself unable to keep up with others' problems in the past (due to having limited capacity because of my own)…I just said as much..that I'm currently incapable of being a good source of support because my own detriments are so overwhelming.
I have also made it known when I think our values and issues in life are too opposed to connect or coexist.
I don't think I've ever said the "I'm not a professional" excuse, unless they wanted medical advice about a physical ailment or something. (Though doctors tend to fail and dismiss patients just as often as the average Joe.)
Otherwise the only qualification I, or anyone, needs.. is to be a good listener, to be present for the other person's problems in that moment and to employ cognitive empathy in an attempt at understanding, so that even if we don't share the other person's history we can still offer them something in their time of need and become a better, more thoughtful person in the process.

Nobody wants to put in the effort anymore, especially for people they don't give a damn about.

However talking with someone going through the same thing, perhaps others on this forum..I agree with.
That's one of the only scenarios from which I've found any amount of peace or sense in the senselessness.
Depending on what's eating at you though, people in similar enough circumstances-who are also willing to be open about being suicidal-can be hard to come by.

Also, yes..Suicide is joked about far too often.
It's practically become a meme. (Too many things have..)
Of those who bring it up, you could have people who are flippant and full of shit, those who are upset about something and take the rhetoric too far..or those who are completely genuine but get lost in the shuffle.
Plus some suicidal people end up turning their attempt at a very serious conversation into a joke when they realize that they're not getting the response they hoped for..as a way out of the backlash.
So even those with clear intentions may end up muddying them as a defense mechanism while navigating through a social system that frowns upon suicide and talk of suicide…a society that would rather blindly prevent suicide while making no efforts to prevent the reasons why it comes to that..including no efforts at opening up a dialogue with suicidal people themselves.

The whole state of things is a mess.

 

[C:/]

Same thing happened to me. I told my friends I plan on killing myself when I hit age 25, and they dont care and said "at least you got a plan for the future"

 

[FuneralCry]

I think it's true that most people are too self centred to ever care, they only care about what directly affects themselves and the suffering of other people is pretty much insignificant to them. This is just the reality of existing here in this world, you cannot rely on other people.

 

[SilentSadness]

One of them told me, "Work out, get a girlfriend, and focus on yourself."

This is such a typical pro-sufferer response to any problem. People are so cruel and apathetic to others. It's why I keep to myself, even though I'm alone it's much better than dealing with this from others.

 

[Jezzibell]

I have no-one to tell. My brother and his wife don't give a monkeys, the other brother has dementia and lives in Australia and the rest of the family are dead. I moved 100 miles away to a place I'd never been to before so I can avoid any interfering people.

I've always been the difficult one. I agree with funeralcry. Unless something is about them people are not interested.