Venting no words to describe my feelings

[cubibibibism]

looking back on my last post, nothing has changed. it hurts so much, man. i've been sedentary and eating to cope. i'm now overweight, and feel like shit about my body. i can't bring myself to exercise, and i can't even focus on reading anymore.

i don't feel like i have a proper future. i'm so tired of everything. all i do is stare at my phone all day, and wait for my friends with better lives to respond. i also make online friends, talk to them non stop for like a week, and then i disappear, my attention for the common interest having waned. i feel like an asshole, but i can't help it.

i wish God would take me now. i would vent more but i don't know how to get the words out. what i know is that i'm becoming more suicidal day by day. i feel like i can distance myself from what would come of my death.

the only thing giving me dopamine atp is scrolling and anime. i'm so pathetic.

incoherent vent i know but my thoughts are hardly ever coherent. maybe that's why my therapist has never been able to truly help me.

 

[RyleIsRiledUp]

Hey, hun...

Seem like you're going thru a lot and tbh ngl, I get it. Been the same for me lately. I'm not a hundred percent sure if it'd work for you but I recommend keeping a notebook with yourself. Whenever you feel like it's getting worse or anything, dont think and just scribble it out. Make it messy, weird, whatever you'd like it to be in the moment. After that, close that page and don't reread it. Rereading might make it worse. Just dump it out and close it. I prefer listening to music when I do this. And if you are seeing a therapist, which i assume frm your post, show this notebook to them. Those suckers really know how to decipher these things. Fixing mental health is a very veyr hard thing to do. But maybe we can try to take tiny steps. Not big ones. Maybe walk in your room for five minutes, I'm not saying it because of weight issues but for your own well being. 5 minutes, no more. then maybe when you feel like it, move it to a 10. then 15. slowly you'll make it. I'm trying my best too fr. Maybe download those screentime controller apps. Lessen your time by, maybe like, an hour. just a lil.

I cant say all this will definitely work out for you or anyone, but it kinda helps me so I thought I'd share.
I dunno who you are cuz its all digital here, but I trust you and I believe in you. Not saying it as a cliche shyt all the people say. No, I genuinely believe you can do it.

Have a grt day/night ahead, sweet pea :3