No will to live

[cookiencream]

Haven't posted for a while. I've been doing somewhat better...but I've noticed I have no life goals I care about. I can only care about goals in relation to others. Like my little sister said she wanted to become a doctor but she thought med school was too expensive. I jokingly said I'd pay for it so she can become a doctor. But that has actually been serving as motivation for me to try hard in college so I can pay for her to go to med school. I've always noticed this, when I was younger I only cared about what my mom wanted me to do. Now I genuinely can't care about anything for myself. I just wanna sleep in my bed forever, but I can't so. Idk is there a way to care about myself enough to want to have goals of my own? The only one I have is a silly one, which is getting married but I know logically marriage sucks most of the time. Even the last guy I dated, who was good by general standards still cheated on me and hurt me. Ik every guy isn't the same but...ig I'm worried about making that a goal for myself. Nothing else really appeals to me either

 

[mafuyu]

I think helping your sister is a nice goal. Honestly, I find it hard to have any goals. A lot of people's goals are education or work related. I think setting up small goals at first would be helpful. Maybe get out of bed a certain amount of times a day, or go to the park, or make yourself food in the kitchen. It can be small things. Marriage is a nice goal, but I would focus on yourself first because marriage as a goal requires another person. Other people can be unpredictable, but you always have yourself.

 

[cookiencream]

Marriage is a nice goal, but I would focus on yourself first because marriage as a goal requires another person. Other people can be unpredictable, but you always have yourself.

Yeah which is why I'm kind of annoyed that's something I care about. But at least I have something to keep me going ig?

 

[SeraphimNull]

Hey OP, I think it's very admirable of you to have goals that are not self centered. I think that shows what type of person you are. As for marriage, as the other reply pointed out, love, and people in general, are hard. But I hope to be married one day too. Look towards your goal and live off it. I find that things like love you cant chase, the sort of just happen, maybe you'll find it while you work hard. You never do know. Good luck friend.

 

[TBONTB]

Haven't posted for a while. I've been doing somewhat better...but I've noticed I have no life goals I care about. I can only care about goals in relation to others. Like my little sister said she wanted to become a doctor but she thought med school was too expensive. I jokingly said I'd pay for it so she can become a doctor. But that has actually been serving as motivation for me to try hard in college so I can pay for her to go to med school. I've always noticed this, when I was younger I only cared about what my mom wanted me to do. Now I genuinely can't care about anything for myself. I just wanna sleep in my bed forever, but I can't so. Idk is there a way to care about myself enough to want to have goals of my own? The only one I have is a silly one, which is getting married but I know logically marriage sucks most of the time. Even the last guy I dated, who was good by general standards still cheated on me and hurt me. Ik every guy isn't the same but...ig I'm worried about making that a goal for myself. Nothing else really appeals to me either

First, it's fine to have your goals be around other people. That's actually normal human/primate behavior...we are wired to work for the good of the little monkey troop we are part of. Nothing wrong with it, especially when it helps keep you achieving accomplishments and enjoyments.

But sure, it's also nice to have a goal for yourself. But please don't make it marriage. That's it really for you, and there's a lot of ways to get it wrong. If you make it your goal I'm sure you'll be able to do it but not sure it will be good for you. If you just want a little goal, to practice why not make it "learn to bake sourdough" or "run 3 miles"

Anyhoo....keep up the good work. give yourself some credit for what you are doing!

 

[Cloud Busting]

I can relate to this. I don't know what it means to really value myself, nor do I see the point in doing things just for me. I need to have some sort of external push or drive honestly.

I hear so much about having to recover for oneself, especially in the context of substance abuse. I found a therapist who said it's fine as a first step, until I can gain confidence to be self-motivated. My bf is my drive, but I know he won't last forever and what would I do without him?

I don't really know how to become self-motivated, or if it's possible, but I hope we can both figure that out. But as a first step I don't see anything wrong with that, as long as you don't lose yourself in the process. Sacrifice is beautiful and individuality is overrated.