Venting No way to advocate for myself and my viewpoint without being institutionalized

[Toxic Positivity]

I am tired of finding reasons to continue. If I make a post explaining to my friends my reasoning, my method, my philosophy about life and suffering, about voluntarily exiting a situation (life) I did not consent to or ask for, then I will be involuntarily incarcerated for the purpose of my "betterment."

For someone like me, right now, involuntary, carceral psychiatry is tantamount to those "reeducation" camps they have for dissidents in Communist China. "Yes, I want to live, yes I'm hopeful, no I'm not a threat to myself or others." Repeat the mantra until you are deemed well. Stray from the script and they will try another medication, keep you a little bit longer for observation.

FUCK THIS SHIT. I want to be able to explain to everyone why I am done being here, show them where it hurts. How are the components of suicidality supposed to be addressed by a society that is only concerned with prevention insofar as the IMMEDIATE "threat" is concerned? The answer is despairingly that society does not care about suicide in any meaningful sense.

I am thinking about posting a goodbye thread and calling it quits. This shit is so exhausting. You literally cannot talk with anyone about it without having your freedom taken away. My freedom is more important than my life.

 

[rationaltake]

I so get this.

 

[Chiisai]

I feel you.

 

[whatevs]

Yeah, sometimes the time is up, all that could have been tried has been tried, all avenues explored, all energy spent. I think this is the crux of the issue, that people are averse to the idea that sometimes a life is genuinely over, and it's the prerogative of the owner to close the shop and take down the signs.

 

[Cathy Ames]

How are the components of suicidality supposed to be addressed by a society that is only concerned with prevention insofar as the IMMEDIATE "threat" is concerned? The answer is despairingly that society does not care about suicide in any meaningful sense.

That's it, right there.

 

[FuneralCry]

I do wish that we lived in a world where suicide is not so stigmatised, our right to die is respected and we can talk openly about wanting to die. It is sad how it has to be this way. As you said, none of us asked to be here in the first place. I wish you the best in whatever happens.

 

[lostmylove]

Yes it's not possible to open up to people about this. It's just not worth the confrontation. Nobody's going to tell you anything positive they will keep you in prison if that means you don't die. But don't blame individuals. Blame a Sick society that's totally corrupted the natural love and understanding we should have.

 

[symphony]

I hear you. If you CTB, I'll miss you. I've enjoyed chatting with you. To be clear, I'm not saying that to try to convince you to stay around or anything to that effect. I hope it doesn't come off that way.

Anyways, this reminds me of something that came up in group therapy today. The therapist asked some difficult questions of me and kept pushing me even when it became clear that I was uncomfortable and upset. I'm usually pretty passive but at some point I blew my cover. I made aggressive eye contact with the therapist and starting have shouting, half crying that the only reason I'm there in therapy in the first place is so I can survive until I have the means and opportunity to fucking kill myself. Another patient started crying.

Thank god this community exists so we can at least talk about it somewhere.

 

[FallingGrace]

I've recently been thinking about doing something like this. Something for my family, friends, and something shorter for those who find me. A history of my health, me in general, my suicidal intentions for over a decade and how my suicide is a decision I came to after years of careful consideration, that I exhausted all resources to help my situation before I did so, that it was not a spur of the moment thing, and that there was absolutely nothing anybody could have done to prevent it. I'd like to think that would make my passing easier on those left behind.