No single reason to ctb- quick vent

[actual_fox]

I do not have a single definitive reason to ctb, and It makes me feel ... weird.
Like I am neither terribly depressed or terribly lonely but thoughts about suicide are running through my little head.
I just feel like my life won't get better and I am somehow broken. Maybe because I am autistic/non neurotypical, and feel like I have a bunch of weird disorders that make my emotional life unstable (I suspected bpd, adhd, apathy, dysphoria and anxiety from time to time... you get the vibe.)

Funny thing is I do not have a problem with having wish to die, I just do not feel like I am justified to feel this way- which is kinda dumb. I think this way because of my family which loves me, but no matter how much they love me they cannot take away the pain I feel, and will feel. I don't want to grow older and just feel the same way i feel now but with more stress and responsibilities.

Idk how this can be even commented, lol sorry.

 

[SpentStardust]

I can understand the feeling

 

[makethepainstop]

You are not alone, our people do feel things strongly. It's just who we are. Love and hugs to you.

 

[actual_fox]

You are not alone, our people do feel things strongly. It's just who we are. Love and hugs to you.

Our people...

Am I part of a tribe now ???

 

[FuneralCry]

I do think that as humans get older the amount of problems and suffering usually increases. I view ageing as being something horrible and something to be avoided. I think that life itself is enough of a reason to ctb, at least for me and suicide doesn't even need a reason in the first place, it isn't as if any of us asked to be here.
I wish you the best.

 

[makethepainstop]

No tribe just folks who have similar, fears, desires, and hopes.

 

[evolutionerror]

I can relate to this. Life isn't crazy horrible for me, I just can't cope with the ever increasing responsibilities and stress. The way I see it, I'm 30 years old and I don't want to marry or have kids or start a family. I have no desire for more material possessions either and don't really find happiness in anything anymore.

So once you get to that point what's left in life for you? Another 30+ odd years of going to work 9-5 and coming home to watch TV? I find trouble seeing the point in just about anything, since it doesn't really matter what you do and you'll just die at some point later anyway.

All said and done, people like us still may want to CTB although there is no active crisis in our lives. Some just lose the will to live.

 

[actual_fox]

No tribe just folks who have similar, fears, desires, and hopes.

I was kidding, but we are similar that is true

I don't want to marry or have kids or start a family. I have no desire for more material possessions either and don't really find happiness in anything anymore.

I feel this way too. I have no desire for family or even having gf. I do find occasional happiness but It is never something lasting and It is more of a feeling of having my itch scratched then anything changed really. I always have thought that us humans live for too long. If we lived shorter lives we would respect our time, but now we have to slave away for other people and society.

Imo living to 80 years old and dying in hospital surrounded by family is very boomer idea. I could live to 26 and do everything I wanted to do in life, travel, see place or two, loose V card, make art people would call good unironically and maybe get a degree so I can die slightly more educated lol. Then I could possibly leave, world will probably turn to shit anyway.

I always wonder why my parents and grandparents say that life is hard and all that, but they never think about It deeper and ask themselves If I also want to live through this thing called life.