No reason to feel better without friends?

[spicyfriedtofu]

Does anyone on here without friends, try to actively work on feeling better?

I feel like there is no reason. People say you shouldn't do things for other people; instead "do it for yourself", but that's pretty much an argument that only works in case you already have friends (I'm including partners and family here if you feel like you have support from them), and that pretty much renders the argument worthless. Humans are social beings – there is no "do it for yourself".

So does anyone in here actually try to feel better "for themselves"? In that case, I'm curious to know what your motivation is.

 

[spicyfriedtofu]

So my life has been pretty weird. I've in the past years had two friends, not at the same time and at the longest a couple of months before I lost them (reasons complicated, but they were based on romantic feelings). Both times, however, I felt a real surge in my motivation for trying to work on myself. I felt like I had a reason; that I had an obligation (in a good way) to try to feel better to be a good friend. When I lost them, though, I can just seclude myself and give up everything and no one would care. I certainly don't.

 

[Redt2go]

Does anyone on here without friends, try to actively work on feeling better?

I feel like there is no reason. People say you shouldn't do things for other people; instead "do it for yourself", but that's pretty much an argument that only works in case you already have friends (I'm including partners and family here if you feel like you have support from them), and that pretty much renders the argument worthless. Humans are social beings – there is no "do it for yourself".

So does anyone in here actually try to feel better "for themselves"? In that case, I'm curious to know what your motivation is.

Not really unfortunately... I'm also very dysfunctional... Like working out, studying I don't do any of it

 

[YukiFox]

I have only a one intimate friend. The rest of them I'm not that intimate. Also, since I move out I don 't made any kind of friends on my new city. I don't miss a lot of my friends - except for my intimate one, she's wonderful -, the solitude doesn't affect me.

 

[Broken]

You just shouldn't try and sort out people's problems if they don't want to. Otherwise doing things for friends/partner/family is what makes you feel good. I've had all that and pissed it away but that was the happiest I've ever known. I guess my motivation is that I know how good that felt to be socially connected and I want that back. It ain't easy. For the first time in my life I'm really alone and I know I'm going to have to get up off my arse at some point and put my self in challenging situations to meet people.

 

[FTL.Wanderer]

So does anyone in here actually try to feel better "for themselves"? In that case, I'm curious to know what your motivation is.

Before I'd accumulated lots of life experience, I did things for myself. Back then I still believed in many of the big myths: justice, objective right and wrong, the wisdom and benevolence of authorities/leaders... I got older. These illusions vanished. Without the comfort of companions, I lost all motivation. I couldn't find an answer to the question, "Why bother?"

 

[21Neberg]

I don't have any real friends, just a couple of fake ones. So I'm always on my own. Unfortunately though I'm trying to make things better (therapist) seeing so much as an Instagram photo of people I know going out is enough for me to go cut myself. So I try to deal with it but really I can't.

 

[FTL.Wanderer]

I don't have any real friends, just a couple of fake ones. So I'm always on my own. Unfortunately though I'm trying to make things better (therapist) seeing so much as an Instagram photo of people I know going out is enough for me to go cut myself. So I try to deal with it but really I can't.

Replace cutting with eating and this was my life up to about five years ago when I ditched FB and IG... I had fake friends my whole life. But the last one nearly killed me, stealing my entire life savings. Even someone as stupid as I am wakes up after that brick wall falls on you. Hope things look up for you soon.

 

[21Neberg]

Replace cutting with eating and this was my life up to about five years ago when I ditched FB and IG... I had fake friends my whole life. But the last one nearly killed me, stealing my entire life savings. Even someone as stupid as I am wakes up after that brick wall falls on you. Hope things look up for you soon.

I don't think you're stupid at all! In fact, I think you're far smarter than me because you ditched those social medias.

 

[interim]

Life is egoistic and lonely way of existence. I think very few people have actual friends. They have many acquaintances, so they can go out, have fun, have sex, etc. This is what is normal. Desire for deep and meaningful relationships is mostly destined to fail...

And believe me, I've spend years and years communicating with people, sharing intimate stuff, that ditched me so easily, for almost no reason, and no explanations. However, I understand them, this is "normal", at least for this life... People that take it too personally, get more emotional, more thoughtful are... "unsuited" for this... game/simulation... whatever it is. This is the main reason, I believe we are not our bodies, and there is something beyond to look forward. A place where you can actually be yourself, with beings you really like and that communicate on the same meaningful level. It may be a wishful thinking, but this is the only thing that can really make me feel better. I know I can't get this from life...

 

[Xaphous]

Having no social life drains the life from you, years of experience I can tell you life feels much less worth sticking around for.

 

[FTL.Wanderer]

I don't think you're stupid at all! In fact, I think you're far smarter than me because you ditched those social medias.

Very kind of you to say. I enjoy reading your posts.

 

[azucaramargo]

Does anyone on here without friends, try to actively work on feeling better?

I feel like there is no reason. People say you shouldn't do things for other people; instead "do it for yourself", but that's pretty much an argument that only works in case you already have friends (I'm including partners and family here if you feel like you have support from them), and that pretty much renders the argument worthless. Humans are social beings – there is no "do it for yourself".

So does anyone in here actually try to feel better "for themselves"? In that case, I'm curious to know what your motivation is.

Totally freaking agree with you, spicyfried tofu. Life without friends seems, to me, very worthless. At this precarious time in my life -- during which I am living with my parents, overweight, in debt, and underemployed, everyone says I should just focus on solving my problems, but summoning the motivation to solve my problems is so difficult if there's no affectionate boyfriend waiting on the other side. I am friends with an elderly neighbor on my parents' street, who takes me kayaking occasionally.

One thing that has been getting me down lately is that it seems like sparking people's interest in one would be so much easier if one were hot. You know how some people say babies' cuteness is a survival mechanism? Something like that? Well, if one were hot and crazy, seems like so many people would be more willing to put up with one's quirks/neuroses if one were easy on the eyes. Long story short, I totally agree that forging a social-support network is imperative in maintaining one's mental health. Glad I'm in such good company.

 

[FTL.Wanderer]

Totally freaking agree with you, spicyfried tofu. Life without friends seems, to me, very worthless. At this precarious time in my life -- during which I am living with my parents, overweight, in debt, and underemployed, everyone says I should just focus on solving my problems, but summoning the motivation to solve my problems is so difficult if there's no affectionate boyfriend waiting on the other side. I am friends with an elderly neighbor on my parents' street, who takes me kayaking occasionally.

One thing that has been getting me down lately is that it seems like sparking people's interest in one would be so much easier if one were hot. You know how some people say babies' cuteness is a survival mechanism? Something like that? Well, if one were hot and crazy, seems like so many people would be more willing to put up with one's quirks/neuroses if one were easy on the eyes. Long story short, I totally agree that forging a social-support network is imperative in maintaining one's mental health. Glad I'm in such good company.

A googolplex yeses. Throughout my entire life I've seen both men and women who were sadistic, deceitful, downright obviously sociopathic be praised and adored because the average person in their community finds them physically attractive. When I was a student, I participated in a large online study to test the effect of attractiveness on judgments. The same group of people participated on public politics and social issues forums changing ONLY their avatars, not their expressed opinions. The avatars were chosen (as representatives of commenters) based on statistical assessment of "attractive." When commenters with "ugly" avatars commented on nearly anything, either they were largely ignored or received abusive, insulting replies. When the same commenters made the same comments with "attractive" avatars, people not only agreed with the comments but also praised the commenter as "spunky," "fiery"...

And there are lots of other empirical studies that show the same thing. Appearance is a major determinant of how we're treated and the life resources (salary, mates, friends, help...) we get. Yet our society pretends this weren't true and you'll often be bashed for acknowledging it publicly.

 

[Pepega]

A googolplex yeses. Throughout my entire life I've seen both men and women who were sadistic, deceitful, downright obviously sociopathic be praised and adored because the average person in their community finds them physically attractive. When I was a student, I participated in a large online study to test the effect of attractiveness on judgments. The same group of people participated on public politics and social issues forums changing ONLY their avatars, not their expressed opinions. The avatars were chosen (as representatives of commenters) based on statistical assessment of "attractive." When commenters with "ugly" avatars commented on nearly anything, either they were largely ignored or received abusive, insulting replies. When the same commenters made the same comments with "attractive" avatars, people not only agreed with the comments but also praised the commenter as "spunky," "fiery"...

And there are lots of other empirical studies that show the same thing. Appearance is a major determinant of how we're treated and the life resources (salary, mates, friends, help...) we get. Yet our society pretends this weren't true and you'll often be bashed for acknowledging it publicly.

totally agree with you mate