Help No real intention but thinking about it

[Unnecessary]

Like the title says I'm thinking about ctb or about ways I would do it but I don't think I would really do it. I am depressed and feel most of the day like shit and just lonely, but these thoughts are always just "fantasizing" idk if that's the best word to describe it and playing scenarios in my head.

I have no idea what to do about these thoughts like are they going to get worse or is that just stupid thoughts. Do u also have something like that or was that the beginning before the real attempts started?

 

[getoutgirl]

Hi. That's suicidal ideation, pretty common and known, a lot of people share that here. They are not stupid either. I spent most of my time for 1-2 years just daydreaming and fantasizing of my own death before things got worse. Yes it tends to escalate if left like that untreated, not to generalise not everyone's case follows that, but yep it tends.

It's a way to relieve tension and angish, very similar to self harm, recently read a short paper about it and their similarities in how they work psychologically, I can post it if u want. But yeah the basics is that its the brain finding some relief and escape from the pain, it calms a little, numbs you, gives you some control, I'm sure you feel a bit of that. It just works like that, but not healthy in the long run at all.

If you are depressed and lonely that is to be expected. Don't know your personal situation. Are you getting some professional help like therapy? If not I'd recommend it. You can discuss suicidal ideation in therapy without fear of being hospitalized if you stablish you have no real intention or making plans, the ideation is common and there are ways to deal with it and they can help with that.
Also don't know for how long you've been experiencing this, but I wouldn't leave it unattended either if you don't really want to die, cos that might start turning around. The ideation is not usually about just wanting to die, but a relief for underlying issues or needs not being met. Or just plain being really fucking depressed, which shares that.
Much like self harm it feels good on the short term, numbs the pain and tension a lil, but it slowly damages your mental health and makes you feel worse and worse. So If you are starting with those, or they are still like that, I'd try to control them asap. Not worth it letting them run lose even if it feels good is all I'm saying.

Again you can get some help about that, look up resources, some tips on the internet.
My experience what I did once I knew how they worked was just to shush them thoughts. As soon as they step a foot in the mind, you shoot them. Mid sentence "I really wish I was-" CUT, you slam it. It's sheer brute mental force and being a bit mean to a part of your brain that means good, trying to alleviate the pain, but is not helping really. So I just kill the thought the instant it comes to me. It doesn't work all the time, doesn't have to, any time it does is worth it tho. Sometimes you gotta push through with them or wallow a bit, that's ok too.
But I'd just keep in mind what they are, how they work and why they are there, and if you understand remember that you can at least know not to let yourself sink in that, and better manage it which in the long run you'll appreciate.

I'm sure others have their own (probably better) strategies. You can ask again in the recovery section, it's got good resources too about this and similar.
I didn't intend to make such a long rant. Sorry lol
You take care and take it easy <3


Edit:
thought I'd make the comment even longer
just leaving one of the resource threads here boop

Mental health worksheets, booklets & digital resources megathread

@Dot and I are working to bring you some worksheets and similar resources to support working on/with your mental health. Please note that this information does not replace professional help, so use this at your discretion. Seeking a licensed mental health specialist is recommended, however this...

sanctioned-suicide.net

 

[Unnecessary]

Hi. That's suicidal ideation, pretty common and known, a lot of people share that here. They are not stupid either. I spent most of my time for 1-2 years just daydreaming and fantasizing of my own death before things got worse. Yes it tends to escalate if left like that untreated, not to generalise not everyone's case follows that, but yep it tends.

It's a way to relieve tension and angish, very similar to self harm, recently read a short paper about it and their similarities in how they work psychologically, I can post it if u want. But yeah the basics is that its the brain finding some relief and escape from the pain, it calms a little, numbs you, gives you some control, I'm sure you feel a bit of that. It just works like that, but not healthy in the long run at all.

If you are depressed and lonely that is to be expected. Don't know your personal situation. Are you getting some professional help like therapy? If not I'd recommend it. You can discuss suicidal ideation in therapy without fear of being hospitalized if you stablish you have no real intention or making plans, the ideation is common and there are ways to deal with it and they can help with that.
Also don't know for how long you've been experiencing this, but I wouldn't leave it unattended either if you don't really want to die, cos that might start turning around. The ideation is not usually about just wanting to die, but a relief for underlying issues or needs not being met. Or just plain being really fucking depressed, which shares that.
Much like self harm it feels good on the short term, numbs the pain and tension a lil, but it slowly damages your mental health and makes you feel worse and worse. So If you are starting with those, or they are still like that, I'd try to control them asap. Not worth it letting them run lose even if it feels good is all I'm saying.

Again you can get some help about that, look up resources, some tips on the internet.
My experience what I did once I knew how they worked was just to shush them thoughts. As soon as they step a foot in the mind, you shoot them. Mid sentence "I really wish I was-" CUT, you slam it. It's sheer brute mental force and being a bit mean to a part of your brain that means good, trying to alleviate the pain, but is not helping really. So I just kill the thought the instant it comes to me. It doesn't work all the time, doesn't have to, any time it does is worth it tho. Sometimes you gotta push through with them or wallow a bit, that's ok too.
But I'd just keep in mind what they are, how they work and why they are there, and if you understand remember that you can at least know not to let yourself sink in that, and better manage it which in the long run you'll appreciate.

I'm sure others have their own (probably better) strategies. You can ask again in the recovery section, it's got good resources too about this and similar.
I didn't intend to make such a long rant. Sorry lol
You take care and take it easy <3


Edit:
thought I'd make the comment even longer
just leaving one of the resource threads here boop

Mental health worksheets, booklets & digital resources megathread

@Dot and I are working to bring you some worksheets and similar resources to support working on/with your mental health. Please note that this information does not replace professional help, so use this at your discretion. Seeking a licensed mental health specialist is recommended, however this...

sanctioned-suicide.net

Oh wow thx for the Long reply, I have these thoughts for almost 2 years sometimes they are stronger and sometimes really weak and easily to ignore. But sometimes I just get in to a rabbit hole where I doubt everything and just play with scenarios in my head, but it makes sense that it's a form of relieve like self harm and I understand that it's not healthy in the long run, but I just can't handle my thoughts when I get in to this hole.

I will try to look up some resources or just try ur method to just cut them away. But Idk if I ever go to a Psychologists bcs I always try to find reasons for myself to not go, I think talking about it is a first good step.

Thx again for the long and Detailed reply ^^

 

[getoutgirl]

Yep they come in waves. It's ok if you can't handle them some times while in the hole. If you keep in mind what they are and you try that's good
Also the resource thread can be a little overwhelming, there is a lot there. So you can look up and try some stuff here and there, but take it easy
Also ok if you don't feel like going to psychologist now, I still recommend that, but just talking about it is a huge step. This place is good for that and you can find great advice too sometimes, so do chat or vent or whatever if it feels better. hugs <3

 

[Unnecessary]

Yep they come in waves. It's ok if you can't handle them some times while in the hole. If you keep in mind what they are and you try that's good
Also the resource thread can be a little overwhelming, there is a lot there. So you can look up and try some stuff here and there, but take it easy
Also ok if you don't feel like going to psychologist now, I still recommend that, but just talking about it is a huge step. This place is good for that and you can find great advice too sometimes, so do chat or vent or whatever if it feels better. hugs <3

Thx for all those tips, I will keep them in mind and try to use them as good as possible. ^^