Venting no one gives a shit and neither do I anymore

[I-can-only-imagine]

So the last couple of weeks my MH has drastically deteriorated and I am back to being desperate to CTB.

can't take my SN as it is still in storage. No where to jump from. No access to any kind of rope. No train tracks. However! I am now on the coast so I suppose could always let myself get taken by a rip tide and give that a go. And yes. I know the chances are slim blah blah.

I'm at the stage where I don't remember to take my meds and when I do remember it's too late and I just don't care. Can't get a GP to take me on anyway so not like I will have a way of getting more once I finish this lot.

I have not had anything to eat today and have no appetite. Have managed a nap this morning. People want me to go back to hospital but I am adamant on waiting for my mental health team who said they will call today. Yet I honestly would be surprised if they do. No one remembers their promises. It is an out of sight, out of mind scenario every single time. What is hospital going to change anyway apart from maybe me being freer there than here where I am still trying to keep the mask on. Kids around etc

I posted a couple of songs on my FB. ONE person has reached out. And they can't do anything if they wanted to as are 5 hours away and in lock down.
I honestly can say there is no point in continuing that I can see and I don't even know if I want to find one any more.

anyway. To all those on chat last night - sorry for the drunken, unfiltered state I was in. I don't even know if anyone there noticed.

maybe I go and just sit on the beach and take in some sun. At least I can plan things better when out the house!

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry you are suffering so much, living really is tiring. I understand it is hard when everything feels hopeless. I wish you well.

 

[Worndown]

How are you today?

 

[mossyfox]

yeah pretty true. no one gives a shit, in my experience also.

 

[I-can-only-imagine]

How are you today?

Well I made new plans last night to ensure my animals are well looked after when I do CTB.

my mental health team fucked me over yesterday and ignored me when I said I was bad, instead telling me I need a covid test today before they will see me - even though they have been in contact with me the last 6 days and could have told me nearly a week ago. Then the old team from where I was living called, said they would call back in 40 mins as was clearing up smashed glass (thanks cats ) and instead sent me a text basically saying I'm not their problem any more as have moved and to do grounding like it will fix everything.

I'm just done. I'm beyond suffocated here with family and even just seeing my dad now just pisses me off. If he asks me once more about housing and GP doctor I will loose it - doesn't he think I would tell him if I had news.

I am sick of brick walls and have given up the fight now. It's just a case of waiting now until I can get my SN and do what needs to be done