My first job I was majorly suicidal at I suffered for months until I couldn't hide it and I would let loose a little of what I was feeling. Didn't stop my coworkers from continuing to treat me like shit. One of them even made a joke about it. In my second job shortly before I got fired I was borderline freaking out and my coworker just laughed at me and encouraged me to quit. I got hauled off to the psych ward for anonymously venting about my first job online after I quit it and the police tracked my ip. Psych ward workers where I was were cold, uncaring despicable people mostly.
As for my family, whenever I let slip a mention of my suicidiality to my sister who has also been suicidal and actually attempted before, she acts like she never heard it. She likes to say "yeah life sucks and you can kill yourself but there's no point in that you might as well stick around." I've never talked to my mother or brothers about it. My dad just puts the blame for being suicidal on me telling me things like "think about why you are suicidal and others are not." He sees parents beating kids as proper discipline, and while slapping me around the other day he told me something along the lines of "you may go back home and take my 'lessons' to heart and improve, or become more bitter and commit suicide, but I will know I did my best." He has been suicidal too. How great of him to pass his shitty suicidal genes onto me. How amazing that people that have suffered suicidal thoughts before can still be ugly as hell about it.
I don't want to die, but everything in my life sure encourages me to. In fact, I was even thinking of going back to that first job because it would lead to a good career if I stuck with it. I might not be around the same people if I went back. If I could just create enough independence for myself that I don't have to give a shit about what anyone else says or does to me, I could bear this life.
As for my family, whenever I let slip a mention of my suicidiality to my sister who has also been suicidal and actually attempted before, she acts like she never heard it. She likes to say "yeah life sucks and you can kill yourself but there's no point in that you might as well stick around." I've never talked to my mother or brothers about it. My dad just puts the blame for being suicidal on me telling me things like "think about why you are suicidal and others are not." He sees parents beating kids as proper discipline, and while slapping me around the other day he told me something along the lines of "you may go back home and take my 'lessons' to heart and improve, or become more bitter and commit suicide, but I will know I did my best." He has been suicidal too. How great of him to pass his shitty suicidal genes onto me. How amazing that people that have suffered suicidal thoughts before can still be ugly as hell about it.
I don't want to die, but everything in my life sure encourages me to. In fact, I was even thinking of going back to that first job because it would lead to a good career if I stuck with it. I might not be around the same people if I went back. If I could just create enough independence for myself that I don't have to give a shit about what anyone else says or does to me, I could bear this life.
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