Venting No more loneliness

[promapicide]

I believe being suicidal and planning to carry it out is one of the loneliest feelings in the world. I knew what it was like to have others there for me, trying to prevent myself from dying even though they would unknowingly promote it. But when you want to die no one is there for you. No one to tell you it's okay you're going to die. No one to tell you how to do it. No one to vent to about how hard it is to go through with it. It's a secret you hide from everyone. I felt like I was the only person on earth who felt this way, being crushed down by everyone else with cruel beliefs that I should be forced into a cruel life neither I or them ever wanted to live in the first place. I feel understood here, others know what it means to struggle and genuinely want the best even if it means loss because they don't deny it's true. Im so happy I found this site because for once I don't feel alone in this struggle. I know so many suicidal people but I don't relate to them, not like how I relate to you and feel respected. It almost feels like I won't die alone.

 

[Hollowillow]

I also can't get enough of the sheer honesty, intelligence & compassion here.

I'm tempted to use SN to have a goodbye thread... Hanging is lonely...

 

[Euthanza]

Yeah, I feel like I found my "tribe" here, the people like myself

 

[brokensea]

I feel exactly the same being suicidal is so lonely and so isolating. The sheer stupidity of things people say to you let alone you can be locked up for telling the wrong person. Even if you find someone you think cares they don't want to deal with it long term and will get sick of it. So you are all alone and only the people here understand everything you're going through. They never get tired of you. Offer empty words. Everyone gets it and goes through the same things.

 

[jodes2]

I believe being suicidal and planning to carry it out is one of the loneliest feelings in the world. I knew what it was like to have others there for me, trying to prevent myself from dying even though they would unknowingly promote it. But when you want to die no one is there for you. No one to tell you it's okay you're going to die. No one to tell you how to do it. No one to vent to about how hard it is to go through with it. It's a secret you hide from everyone. I felt like I was the only person on earth who felt this way, being crushed down by everyone else with cruel beliefs that I should be forced into a cruel life neither I or them ever wanted to live in the first place. I feel understood here, others know what it means to struggle and genuinely want the best even if it means loss because they don't deny it's true. Im so happy I found this site because for once I don't feel alone in this struggle. I know so many suicidal people but I don't relate to them, not like how I relate to you and feel respected. It almost feels like I won't die alone.

You won't die alone here, *hugs*

 

[Another Day Empty]

I believe being suicidal and planning to carry it out is one of the loneliest feelings in the world. I knew what it was like to have others there for me, trying to prevent myself from dying even though they would unknowingly promote it. But when you want to die no one is there for you. No one to tell you it's okay you're going to die. No one to tell you how to do it. No one to vent to about how hard it is to go through with it. It's a secret you hide from everyone. I felt like I was the only person on earth who felt this way, being crushed down by everyone else with cruel beliefs that I should be forced into a cruel life neither I or them ever wanted to live in the first place. I feel understood here, others know what it means to struggle and genuinely want the best even if it means loss because they don't deny it's true. Im so happy I found this site because for once I don't feel alone in this struggle. I know so many suicidal people but I don't relate to them, not like how I relate to you and feel respected. It almost feels like I won't die alone.

I just linger on a line of so sick of everything that I hope for a quick end, but also cowardly to the point where I don't know how I could actually accomplish ctb.... even in the midst of the sadness and depression, there's one ray of hope I pray that wins over the insanity in my head. I just hope that whatever is next is not as cold and unforgiving as the way it is in this one.

 

[FuneralCry]

I do wish that we lived in a world where suicide is not so stigmatised and we could be open about our plans to leave and then just exit peacefully with others knowing in advance. Leaving this world can be so unnecessary difficult and complicated and I agree that it's isolating. So many suicidal people have to hide their plans from others around them so others don't find out and interrupt them, making it harder for them to die. I do hate how we live in a world that wants to force us to suffer until we die from old age. We have already been through enough in life so we deserve to have our wish to die accepted and respected.

 

[SexyIncél]

I need this place so bad, otherwise I'd stay in bed until I drip down and put the gun in my mouth and pull

People are so cold when you're so weak

I used to be strong because I ran on anger & pride. But to be sensitive enough to be truly part of this world, I must open myself to feelings that are destroying me, making me weak, pushing me to need my way out

And I need to moan in pain, and there's a limit to how much my friends can take

 

[Hope:-)]

Yeah, suicide is the loneliest thing ever.

 

[summers]

I used to be strong because I ran on anger & pride.

If that's what worked for you, it makes no sense to give it up or change. What exactly are you getting by "being part of the world" that is worth you feeling the way you do?

 

[SexyIncél]

If that's what worked for you, it makes no sense to give it up or change. What exactly are you getting by "being part of the world" that is worth you feeling the way you do?

I suspect my real, untarnished personality is coming out. It couldn't previously exist; apparently this level of trauma destroys it

Maybe now that my doom is imminent, it's forcing its way out, to briefly live

 

[tipsytiger]

Yeah, I'm so glad I found this site too. This is the first time I told about ctb and people are not judging. The people in this forum are very supportive and helps a lot.