nopointofliving
Warrior
- Apr 19, 2021
- 513
I'm such a kind person, who always cares about others. I used to care about everyone. I used to help everyone. I used to give them number one priority while caring less about myself. I was so positive and energetic.
Years ago, a friend suffered from depression, I stood for her, I tried to stay with her in every moment. I genuinely tried to help her to improve her life.
I fell in love with someone at that time, I gave my all to the relation. I wanted him to be successful no matter what. I always stood for him and wanted him to be a better person. I was building my own small business back then, and I named my whole work after his name. I wanted us (me and him) to be united forever and I was ready to do everything for that relation. After 5 years, he left me saying bad words about me and my family. He said I had a great ego that he couldn't tolerate. He might had understood my nature in a wrong way; I do really know many things, and I make many things on my own, maybe he was insecure in my presence. But it wasn't my intention at all. I loved him for real, and I was working for us all the time.
He left me, and I pretended to be a strong lady. I stood for myself telling myself: "he wasn't the one , forgive him and move on.". I didn't tell him any bad word, I wished him well and he left. Then, I got introduced to another guy, he was such a beautiful person. He proposed me, and I told him: "sorry, I'm not ready, and this relation won't ever work". He insisted too much, and months later he made me fall hard for him. 2 years later, he said: "I'm sorry, i don't mean to hurt you, but I cant be with you". I told him: "It's okay, I wish you all happiness ". In fact I was dying within. He manipulated me to get into a relation that I refused to be in the first place. I started hating myself then. I opened up to this man, I shared my ideas, my visions, my being with him. I also was there for him; I taught him many things, helped him in my life situations. Trust me, when I go crazy for someone, I do everything to make him happy. I know this isn't healthy at all.
At this point, my life started decaying. Depression hit hard. I stopped doing my online work, no daily study, no trying for my empty life, gave up my faith.... everything collapsed. I tried to talk with people about it, guess what no one was there.
Remember that friend whom I helped her with life challenges, she started attacking my behavior indirectly. I stopped telling her my feelings. My first ex returned and I thought he wanted to fix me, LOL. He said: "if you want to be with me, you should give up your ego". Guess what, I was/am in a terrible situation but I told him: "I disrespected myself too much, I'm keeping my ego this time". He left again LOL.
Other friends just got bored with my regular negative state, they were there when I was positive and energetic. They used to get some light from me. Now I need that light but they all disappeared, they can't even handle my negativity. Some people message me saying: "we need some inspiration from you" and when they get to know that I'm decaying, they leave. How funny life is! How unfair life is!
So now I have no one. Actually zero online and local people really care about me except mum. I get no messages. And the worse part isn't getting no messages or having no one but losing myself. I'm losing my kind self. Now I hate everyone, I don't want to help anyone. I'm scared seeing myself changing to the worse. I think I need to learn how to protect myself, or maybe I should learn to let it all fall apart.
I talked too much, thank you for reading :)
Years ago, a friend suffered from depression, I stood for her, I tried to stay with her in every moment. I genuinely tried to help her to improve her life.
I fell in love with someone at that time, I gave my all to the relation. I wanted him to be successful no matter what. I always stood for him and wanted him to be a better person. I was building my own small business back then, and I named my whole work after his name. I wanted us (me and him) to be united forever and I was ready to do everything for that relation. After 5 years, he left me saying bad words about me and my family. He said I had a great ego that he couldn't tolerate. He might had understood my nature in a wrong way; I do really know many things, and I make many things on my own, maybe he was insecure in my presence. But it wasn't my intention at all. I loved him for real, and I was working for us all the time.
He left me, and I pretended to be a strong lady. I stood for myself telling myself: "he wasn't the one , forgive him and move on.". I didn't tell him any bad word, I wished him well and he left. Then, I got introduced to another guy, he was such a beautiful person. He proposed me, and I told him: "sorry, I'm not ready, and this relation won't ever work". He insisted too much, and months later he made me fall hard for him. 2 years later, he said: "I'm sorry, i don't mean to hurt you, but I cant be with you". I told him: "It's okay, I wish you all happiness ". In fact I was dying within. He manipulated me to get into a relation that I refused to be in the first place. I started hating myself then. I opened up to this man, I shared my ideas, my visions, my being with him. I also was there for him; I taught him many things, helped him in my life situations. Trust me, when I go crazy for someone, I do everything to make him happy. I know this isn't healthy at all.
At this point, my life started decaying. Depression hit hard. I stopped doing my online work, no daily study, no trying for my empty life, gave up my faith.... everything collapsed. I tried to talk with people about it, guess what no one was there.
Remember that friend whom I helped her with life challenges, she started attacking my behavior indirectly. I stopped telling her my feelings. My first ex returned and I thought he wanted to fix me, LOL. He said: "if you want to be with me, you should give up your ego". Guess what, I was/am in a terrible situation but I told him: "I disrespected myself too much, I'm keeping my ego this time". He left again LOL.
Other friends just got bored with my regular negative state, they were there when I was positive and energetic. They used to get some light from me. Now I need that light but they all disappeared, they can't even handle my negativity. Some people message me saying: "we need some inspiration from you" and when they get to know that I'm decaying, they leave. How funny life is! How unfair life is!
So now I have no one. Actually zero online and local people really care about me except mum. I get no messages. And the worse part isn't getting no messages or having no one but losing myself. I'm losing my kind self. Now I hate everyone, I don't want to help anyone. I'm scared seeing myself changing to the worse. I think I need to learn how to protect myself, or maybe I should learn to let it all fall apart.
I talked too much, thank you for reading :)