Menschenmühle
Member
- Jan 21, 2022
- 80
Joy at this point is something so far away, so detached from me. I was such a happy child, I was motivated, smart, and capable. Then puberty came, and gradually my perception of the world radically changed. I was introduced to pessimistic philosophies, to worldviews that preach death and anti-natalism. I don't know what came first, is it that I was depressed, and because of that fact I decided to have a depressive worldview, or was my introduction to a depressive worldview the cause of my depression? I honestly don't know the answer. my psychiatrist is convinced of the latter, but of course they are, isn't psychiatry as a whole based on the supposition that there's nothing wrong with the world, that it's the fault of the individual's mind?
They keep trying to convince me that there's something deeply wrong with my head, a chemical imbalance of sorts. Therefore the solution, if not to cure me, is to "treat" me with the use of pills and whatnot. I don't know if I want to believe them or not, but what I'm sure of, is the fact that they're not willing to entertain my own beliefs on the matter, or the opinion that maybe it's the world that's at fault not me. That fact alone is enough to make me not only distrustful of them, but completely dismissive of their supposed "treatments". Yes it's true, I'm not a medical professional, but is the matter even related to medicine? Why can't it be, for example, that some normal person with perfectly normal mental aptitudes, reaches the belief that this world is pointless or meaningless and becomes depressed in the process, and once we examine his brain, we find that there's a so called "chemical imbalance". Is it so out of the question that his own philosophical convictions lead to an alteration in brain chemistry instead of the opposite? For me, when it comes to "illnesses" of the mind, it's a matter of philosophy instead of a hard experimental science.
I'm sorry that what I typed just now has nothing to do with the title of my post, I'm just randomly blurting whatever comes to my head. I'm bored and lonely, I have no one but you guys, and thank you to whoever read this even if you don't interact with it, you're the only people that would never judge me in an instant. I'm just so tired of this cruel world, why did I have to be born into it? But don't I already know the answer? It's because there was no reason in the first place, my parents in a moment of passion conceived a thinking piece of shit, now here we are, in an anonymous suicide forum that serves as my only comfort before I try to end my life a second time. Hopefully I'm not that unlucky and can manage to pull it through.
They keep trying to convince me that there's something deeply wrong with my head, a chemical imbalance of sorts. Therefore the solution, if not to cure me, is to "treat" me with the use of pills and whatnot. I don't know if I want to believe them or not, but what I'm sure of, is the fact that they're not willing to entertain my own beliefs on the matter, or the opinion that maybe it's the world that's at fault not me. That fact alone is enough to make me not only distrustful of them, but completely dismissive of their supposed "treatments". Yes it's true, I'm not a medical professional, but is the matter even related to medicine? Why can't it be, for example, that some normal person with perfectly normal mental aptitudes, reaches the belief that this world is pointless or meaningless and becomes depressed in the process, and once we examine his brain, we find that there's a so called "chemical imbalance". Is it so out of the question that his own philosophical convictions lead to an alteration in brain chemistry instead of the opposite? For me, when it comes to "illnesses" of the mind, it's a matter of philosophy instead of a hard experimental science.
I'm sorry that what I typed just now has nothing to do with the title of my post, I'm just randomly blurting whatever comes to my head. I'm bored and lonely, I have no one but you guys, and thank you to whoever read this even if you don't interact with it, you're the only people that would never judge me in an instant. I'm just so tired of this cruel world, why did I have to be born into it? But don't I already know the answer? It's because there was no reason in the first place, my parents in a moment of passion conceived a thinking piece of shit, now here we are, in an anonymous suicide forum that serves as my only comfort before I try to end my life a second time. Hopefully I'm not that unlucky and can manage to pull it through.