@Mynameisnotimportant Absolutely. Though I survived an abusive dysfunctional family I bootstrapped my way to relative success and have far exceeded my expectations and goals in many regards this lifetime. I was set on dying at 15, I'm 31 now, and grateful for all the experiences. Though, my experiences have just reinforced my adolescent suspicions that this planet was hellish to be on...in far more gruesome ways than my naive younger self could have imagined. And, having experienced the good...and knowing full well it's still within grasp, I have no motivation to life, or build a life, cause I See how inherently empty it is. I'm still grateful though. Though I walk through the shadow of the valley of death, I fear no evil, for the lord is my shepherd, and I shall not want, or something. Unless I had community, family, even one friend or significant other I can't imagine wanting to be here...and, even when I met the love of my life 2.5 years ago (we parted 1year back), even then when I was home-free living out of my van, staying in beautiful forests, singing songs with people, going to sweet gatherings I still wanted to exit Earth. Though, in my happiest times, my desire to ctb is more to do with a strong desire to merge with the infinite creator. It's easy for me to sink quickly into severe depression and want to exit. I feel I'm as close to bi-polar as possible without earning that diagnosis. How long have you been sans the will to live? I'm reminded of the Daniel Johnston songs "Phantom of my own opera" and "more dead than alive", he sings, could you believe I've been living against my will? (or something like that).
