19andOverdue
Member
- Jun 12, 2022
- 80
went on a binge of existential content this morning and right before work I started dissociating and panicking like an lsd trip. I'm at work now and I feel like a carcass. I'm not prone to psychotic breaks, but I do have heavy delusions and mood swings. I'm also chronically suicidal, it consumes my mind 24/7, but right now it's really strong and overwhelming. The less I act on these thoughts the more guilty I am that I'm alive, and I'm ashamed of myself for being a coward to my mind. My body and mind are two separate entities, one is always trying to kill the other, and the only way I'm able to quiet these emotions is by forgetting I have a mind at all. I have to be purely body. But I hate my body… so fucking much.