Just some thoughts of mine:)
I often resorted to being nocturnal as a means to extend the measly hours I had of being my most authentic self; alone.
No invasive doubts or blame. Just living. But that living soon became existing.
Now the existing is soon becoming absence.
Late night reading, feeling, questioning and writing.
At some point, I lost my night. My night that let me breath became limited to spirals of stress and trials.
Though, it is almost funny how much I relied on a concept that would have never succeeded; night can't be day. No matter how hard I made it mimic day, I couldn't live completely outside the bounds of a constant societal duty/presence.
I used to wish the daylight never saw me, yet, simultaneously desiring to be amidst the nature it gave life to.
I pined for stability; in anything. I found it in my night-time. A routine of instability became stable for me. How ironic?
But, seeing as I have come to experience both time frames, I realised something: both were dismal from the beginning.
Day was inauthentic and prolonged and Night was deluded and insignificant on its lonesome.
Quite abysmal. Not necessarily pointless though. I learnt a lot; saw a lot; read a lot and felt a lot.
I am not completely devoid of emotion. Though I can't help but detach occasionally from everything.
Even when I feel the apathy encroaching, I know it won't consume me like night-time ever did.
Well, that's all.
If you read this, have a wonderful day/ night
•✧°.
I often resorted to being nocturnal as a means to extend the measly hours I had of being my most authentic self; alone.
No invasive doubts or blame. Just living. But that living soon became existing.
Now the existing is soon becoming absence.
Late night reading, feeling, questioning and writing.
At some point, I lost my night. My night that let me breath became limited to spirals of stress and trials.
Though, it is almost funny how much I relied on a concept that would have never succeeded; night can't be day. No matter how hard I made it mimic day, I couldn't live completely outside the bounds of a constant societal duty/presence.
I used to wish the daylight never saw me, yet, simultaneously desiring to be amidst the nature it gave life to.
I pined for stability; in anything. I found it in my night-time. A routine of instability became stable for me. How ironic?
But, seeing as I have come to experience both time frames, I realised something: both were dismal from the beginning.
Day was inauthentic and prolonged and Night was deluded and insignificant on its lonesome.
Quite abysmal. Not necessarily pointless though. I learnt a lot; saw a lot; read a lot and felt a lot.
I am not completely devoid of emotion. Though I can't help but detach occasionally from everything.
Even when I feel the apathy encroaching, I know it won't consume me like night-time ever did.
Well, that's all.
If you read this, have a wonderful day/ night
•✧°.
