Nights are fucking awful

[symphony]

By the end of the day, my mental resources are drained. I can't cope well anymore. My attempts to distract myself from the mental pain increasingly start to fail. I'm engulfed by distress and I can't escape. My anxiety goes wild. I start to feel trapped and even more hopeless. My friends are asleep so I have no one to talk to. I'm more likely to self harm just to get the pain to decrease for a bit. I think desperately about ctb. Sometimes I feel it's impossible to survive even just the next few days and I should therefore try to ctb soon, if not immediately. And these thoughts terrify me, making my anxiety even worse.

Does anyone else relate with struggling at night? Or would anyone be willing to talk at these times, if you're likely to be online at night? (To give a reference for time zones, at the time of posting, I would consider it "night". Today I've been struggling in this way for a few hours and plan to go to sleep within two more hours.)

 

[Toxic Positivity]

Does anyone else relate with struggling at night? Or would anyone be willing to talk at these times, if you're likely to be online at night? (To give a reference for time zones, at the time of posting, I would consider it "night". Today I've been struggling in this way for a few hours and plan to go to sleep within two more hours.)

Oh man, so much. I used to just stay up restlessly, trying to sleep, getting up, going to my computer, going into the kitchen, going for a drive to the convenience store or Taco Bell. I gained a lot of weight and my life was a lot more miserable than it is now. This might be unhelpful, but I'm going to go for it anyway. Night is for sleep. Avoiding energy drinks and caffeine (including from sources you may not think about, like diet soda) 8 hours before bed is non-negotiable for me. I know that if I violate this rule, I will not be able to sleep. Ditto for any stressful or strenuous activities or social interactions. I absolutely cannot afford either if I hope to get some semblance of restful sleep.

The other thing I would ask is, what does your bedroom look like? How is your personal hygiene? Sometimes if I don't shower for a while, or don't change my bed sheets often enough, I cannot sleep because I feel gross. Do you sleep with the lights on, with your computer and monitor on, or do you allow yourself complete darkness? It may not seem like it matters when one is severely depressed, but there is a measurable difference. I use a basic fitness/sleep tracker and the difference between sleeping with the lights on, versus off, is gargantuan.

I am avoiding the general chat for the time being, but I might drop by Recovery chat here and there, and I do check my dms. I would be happy to chat as long as you do not expect too immediate of a response. I hope some of this rant has been helpful, but thank you for listening regardless, and thank you for the topic.

 

[ClownMe]

I have panic attacks sometimes before I go to bed, the dilemma is that I want to sleep because I like the sensation of sleep, but I don't want to wake up the next morning because im depressed and don't want to pretty much relive the same shitty day on repeat. Lately, ive been staying up super late, into the early hours of the morning to try and escape going to life, but as everyone would know, you can only avoid things for so long.

 

[timf]

Back in the 1980s when a lot of people were getting laid off, it was not uncommon form many to sleep in longer in the mornings which would mess up their ability to sleep at night. You might experiemnt with getting up earlier and even adding some exercise to your daily rpoutine and see if that helps being able to get to sleep easier.

 

[Ready2GoNow2022]

I completely relate. Nighttime is the worst, when all of the distractions are gone and I am just left there, lying in my bed, staring up at the ceiling thinking and brooding about how pointless it is.

 

[whatevs]

For me its the evenings that are the valley phase of the day, they really feel lonely and grim.

 

[wayitis1945]

Definitely nights is the worst time of the day for me

 

[onlyanimalsaregood]

For me mornings are also the worst part of the day. Sometimes I spend the morning crying. I only feel a little better after lunch. And at night it's hard for me to fall asleep. Feel free to PM me if you want :)

 

[Crazy4u]

I love it in the evening and I hate mornings. I hate it when I wake up thinking about my day. I feel slightly better in the afternoon if no one ruined my mood

 

[FuneralCry]

The nights are very depressing for me, it often takes me a long time to get to sleep. My days are always very long. It is all so tiring. I'm sorry that you are suffering.

 

[symphony]

Oh man, so much. I used to just stay up restlessly, trying to sleep, getting up, going to my computer, going into the kitchen, going for a drive to the convenience store or Taco Bell. I gained a lot of weight and my life was a lot more miserable than it is now. This might be unhelpful, but I'm going to go for it anyway. Night is for sleep. Avoiding energy drinks and caffeine (including from sources you may not think about, like diet soda) 8 hours before bed is non-negotiable for me. I know that if I violate this rule, I will not be able to sleep. Ditto for any stressful or strenuous activities or social interactions. I absolutely cannot afford either if I hope to get some semblance of restful sleep.

The other thing I would ask is, what does your bedroom look like? How is your personal hygiene? Sometimes if I don't shower for a while, or don't change my bed sheets often enough, I cannot sleep because I feel gross. Do you sleep with the lights on, with your computer and monitor on, or do you allow yourself complete darkness? It may not seem like it matters when one is severely depressed, but there is a measurable difference. I use a basic fitness/sleep tracker and the difference between sleeping with the lights on, versus off, is gargantuan.

I am avoiding the general chat for the time being, but I might drop by Recovery chat here and there, and I do check my dms. I would be happy to chat as long as you do not expect too immediate of a response. I hope some of this rant has been helpful, but thank you for listening regardless, and thank you for the topic.

Yeah, all good ideas. I'm not the best with sleep hygiene and I know well how not-great that is. Thanks for your response.

I have panic attacks sometimes before I go to bed, the dilemma is that I want to sleep because I like the sensation of sleep, but I don't want to wake up the next morning because im depressed and don't want to pretty much relive the same shitty day on repeat. Lately, ive been staying up super late, into the early hours of the morning to try and escape going to life, but as everyone would know, you can only avoid things for so long.

This is pretty much exactly me. Sleep is the the only real escape I get, but it seems just as soon as I fall asleep, I have to wake up and face another day... I'm so sorry you're stuck in that too.

For me mornings are also the worst part of the day. Sometimes I spend the morning crying. I only feel a little better after lunch. And at night it's hard for me to fall asleep. Feel free to PM me if you want :)

Ugh, I'm so sorry. I hear it's common to struggle most in the morning, with the weight of the entire day ahead on your shoulders. Thanks for the offer.

 

[KimKevorkian]

Totally relate to everything posted here. Awful insomnia, obsessive, ruminative thoughts abt the same shit. SS is the only thing offering comfort (the many kindred folk here, that is). I love the wee morning hours though, hearing the coyotes, the neighbors' wind chimes, the scurrying of many a mystery animal, feeling the Santa Anas.. But my emotions and thoughts....grrrr. Correction, my emotions and thoughts are fine. It's my sisters that are whacked. I'd put 'em on Craigslist and donate them to ISIS, but they'd return them with a note: Too much drama.