Venting Nightmare

[clockwork_cat]

I am truly trapped inside of a nightmare. This year has been absolutely excruciating, more so than ever. I hate myself when I talk. Being mute never hurt me like opening up has. But I'm a sick and frantic stray animal, claws scraping against my ribcage, literally, constant pain every single night. Deathly alone.

I tried to kill myself in January, I made the mistake of saying goodbye, I'm a weak fool. The police showed up at my destination train station and I didn't do it. I wish I could feel loved when I die. An embrace, anything. Just even then.

I changed my name, location, job, cut every friend out, cut every love out, I only have my cat, she deserves to live with someone with energy anyway. But I'm so fucking weak. God, I would pay someone to hold my hand while I accepted my fate. Please.

I'm crying while I type. Please someone stay with me while I die.

 

[kwho]

I can't hold your hand. I can't even make you believe what i say, but - i love you.

Also - please, please give your cat a chance. It doesn't want anyone with more energy, it wants you. May be because being mute never hurt you like opening up has.

 

[clockwork_cat]

I can't hold your hand. I can't even make you believe what i say, but - i love you.

Also - please, please give your cat a chance. It doesn't want anyone with more energy, it wants you. May be because being mute never hurt you like opening up has.

Words like this don't have an effect on me anymore but I appreciate the gesture, I guess
Love isn't real and even if it were, it's not for me, in any form. Losing it is excruciating so really just the word makes me sick.

Talking is pointless. I'm so fucking tired.

 

[kwho]

Words like this don't have an effect on me anymore but I appreciate the gesture, I guess
Love isn't real and even if it were, it's not for me, in any form. Losing it is excruciating so really just the word makes me sick.

Talking is pointless. I'm so fucking tired.

i understand.

and you don't have to appreciate or even reply. May be hold your cat. Or just look at her. I would give anything in the world to be able to hold mine.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

So, what is your plan as far as how you're planning on going and when?

 

[Jezzibell]

Dear OP, we may be real life strangers but we are still a community that can provide support to everyone who needs it.

I don't know your circumstances. You seem to have a lot of pain- is it physical and mental ?

People on here will become hysterical about your pet. I know you'll do the right thing so ignore these comments. My cat will definitely benefit from a. Home where affection is not neglected by my ill health. I love her dearly.

The point is, this is about you and not your cat. If you want to ctb because of your pain or something you've done or for whatever reason then that is your decision alone to make. Only you know why and you don't have to tell us. Regardless we are here virtually holding your hand. Xxx

 

[FuneralCry]

It really sounds so horrible being trapped in that situation, this world truly is hell to me, so I hope that you find the freedom you search for.

 

[OceanBlue]

Someone could chat with you in your last moments, you can post in partners' megathread.

I changed my name, location, job, cut every friend out, cut every love out, I only have my cat

To me sounds nice. A very poetic post.

 

[unnormal9]

Talking is pointless. I'm so fucking tired.

You get it. You really do.
Fuck talking, where the hell is the action?