Well I had a call yesterday, I think it was around one hour twenty minutes when both* calls happened. I use * because one call was due to me specifically mentioning an OD, had I not mentioned it, I doubt the second call would have occurred.
I was asked a set of vague questions regarding my answers on a questionnaire I completed via email two days before. Honestly, I have so much on the mind atm that I forgot most of it. It was basically just going over formalities, who I live with, where I live, am I employed/student, any other conditions etc. No asking of mental health conditions strangely enough. Seemed very intent on getting an emergency contact from me but didn't give one, must be NHS protocol.
Anyway, around midway through the first call the tone changed, from what I gathered, I was/am going to get treatment soon. But before I get counselling. I need to go to something called Access. It was due to me mentioning how I attempted an OD within the last year and have consistently suicidal thoughts along with planning suicide.
Honestly, I mentioned it just because I needed someone to vent to about it. Maybe I shouldn't have, maybe I should. They were very vague on what Access is. Other than I need to use it to "combat" my suicidal thoughts and I can't get counselling until I do whatever the people there want me to do. Despite just wanting counselling and not a specific therapy, I didn't want to argue for two reasons. 1. Potential detainment, the last thing I need is that, and if I act defensive, I imagine they'll keep probing questions, and 2. I can't afford to be in limbo again, I really need someone irl to talk to.
A second person called for a more specific chat around my suicidal thoughts. This person seemed to have an air of authority about them, I presume they are for all intents and purposes the teams leader. They were trying to find out just how suicidal I was. They recommended a local autism charity...several miles away...and I can't drive lol.
I feel conflicted but it's early days. Apparently I'll receive a letter with more info regarding Access. I do hope I get counselling, or maybe even in Access I can talk to someone. I don't really need a magic wand fix or my life to dramatically change. I just need someone irl I can actually talk to and open with.