Next Direction

[Life_and_Death]

ok so i have an antianxiety that seems to be doing.....something......idk i still feel suicidal and like its best. of course, this wasnt suppose to help that. so now what? or should i even bother? its only 1 medication so far and i already feel horrible......idk....maybe i should forget the whole thing

 

[BitterlyAlive_]

What medication are you taking? Did you just start taking it today?

 

[Deleted member 94]

ok so i have an antianxiety that seems to be doing.....something......idk i still feel suicidal and like its best. of course, this wasnt suppose to help that. so now what? or should i even bother? its only 1 medication so far and i already feel horrible......idk....maybe i should forget the whole thing

Most meds take a while to build up in your body, one med I'm on took 3 months for physical ailments, I was kept in hospital for three weeks for the mood meds to build up.

 

[Life_and_Death]

What medication are you taking? Did you just start taking it today?

buspirone. im on day 5 if i remember correctly. its all one big day with just things going on to me so after awhile its difficult to keep track

Most meds take a while to build up in your body, one med I'm on took 3 months for physical ailments, I was kept in hospital for three weeks for the mood meds to build up.

this ones "worked" since i started taking it. im not 100% sure. it keeps the voices quiet but as an antianxiety im not sure, i havent been in a high anxiety situation yet

 

[BitterlyAlive_]

It seems like when meds begin to work, it's subtle and can be hard to personally tell. Supposedly others tend to notice it working before the person taking it.

 

[Deleted member 94]

buspirone. im on day 5 if i remember correctly. its all one big day with just things going on to me so after awhile its difficult to keep track

this ones "worked" since i started taking it. im not 100% sure. it keeps the voices quiet but as an antianxiety im not sure, i havent been in a high anxiety situation yet

When you say voices do you mean in your head like schizophrenia?

I've taken loads of different meds none hit me straight away not even those that were given intravenously. They have to build up in your body and be stored in it. This is what I have been told especially the pill form.

 

[Life_and_Death]

When you say voices do you mean in your head like schizophrenia?

yes but no. what ive read about schizo voices is....im not sure how to put it. ill just google it. "Many times the voices can start gradually and are often described as a vague or fleeting impression of hearing your name called or people talking about you. For example, "Someone just called my name" or "people were talking in the hallway," or "I thought I heard something but then I am not sure."" basically the person has zero understanding that its a hallucination. but this isnt the case for me. i know they are "me" but they arent. and they argue and never shut up. and when they arent arguing theyre being mean to me and reminding me why im a failure and should just shut up. its difficult to disagree with them when its backed up with evidence and logic.

It seems like when meds begin to work, it's subtle and can be hard to personally tell. Supposedly others tend to notice it working before the person taking it.

well this med is suppose to be taken 2-3 times a day but because of my sensitivity i started off on a really low dose and only 1 a day in the morning. but i noticed that after ~9hrs it would wear off and all come back so i emailed my doctor and today i plan on taking it 2x a day. of course this is still going to leave me with blank spots where it isnt working. i plan on upping the dose to 5mg in a little bit depending on how this goes.

Sorry you are going through this but this is also schizophrenia, have it checked out, it's when voices in your head some being nice to you while others berating you with insults. These are not auditory hallucinations from outside but are internal. Look up more on this if you like. My sister in law has schizophrenia.

People living with other mental illnesses, including bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder, major depressive disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder, and schizoaffective disorder, also experience hearing voices.

i have BPD and PTSD and CPTSD. i also have schizo (havent nailed that one down exactly yet as very little research has been done on visual hallucinations and more so on auditory). plus i over think everything and my brain is always racing.

the voices come to no surprise. and that isnt even naming all my problems

 

[Lostandlooking]

I'm sorry you're feeling so horrible. But also excited about the positive effects of the medication. Hopefully you can get to a place where you feel more at ease with this medication. Or find some sort of resolution for the conflicted feelings.

 

[Life_and_Death]

in short: my brain isnt a fun place to hang out unless you want to get mentally fucked up lol

I'm sorry you're feeling so horrible. But also excited about the positive effects of the medication. Hopefully you can get to a place where you feel more at ease with this medication. Or find some sort of resolution for the conflicted feelings.

the "horrible" feeling isnt a good description and actually explains horribly how i feel. i feel like im hiding myself.

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/i-am-suicide.52925/

i think this will explain why i feel this way.

 

[Deleted member 94]

in short: my brain isnt a fun place to hang out unless you want to get mentally fucked up lol

the "horrible" feeling isnt a good description and actually explains horribly how i feel. i feel like im hiding myself.

Most people I have met in real life have schizophrenia related to smoking weed and they say it subsides when they stop. But others it was genetics where both brothers or brother and sister had it. If you smoke pot then that could be a trigger.

 

[Life_and_Death]

Most people I have met in real life have schizophrenia related to smoking weed and they say it subsides when they stop. But others it was genetics where both brothers or brother and sister had it. If you smoke pot then that could be a trigger.

it agitates it but i wouldnt call it a trigger. im just really fucked up. im actually hopeful this medication will help me cut back.

 

[Deleted member 94]

Do you vape, there's research on CBD oil helping.

 

[Life_and_Death]

Do you vape, there's research on CBD oil helping.

i was using that for my back (never found it to help mentally) but the government sucks and took it off the shelves

 

[Deleted member 94]

i was using that for my back (never found it to help mentally) but the government sucks and took it off the shelves

You can buy it from abroad no? Some Redditors even make their own because cheaper to do so. It's an anti-inflammatory works for a lot of health conditions.

 

[Life_and_Death]

You can buy it from abroad no? Some Redditors even make their own because cheaper to do so. It's an anti-inflammatory works for a lot of health conditions.

i already checked that out. buying else where and making my own. its expensive.

 

[Deleted member 94]

i already checked that out. buying else where and making my own. its expensive.

Did you see this I think I posted it for you before to see.

 

[Life_and_Death]

Did you see this I think I posted it for you before to see.

i dont think so......not that that means much with me. but i looked into myself personally and but the time i buy everything id need to make it i might as well just buy premade stuff it comes out to the same price

 

[Lostandlooking]

the "horrible" feeling isnt a good description and actually explains horribly how i feel. i feel like im hiding myself.

Does it maybe also feel like you're losing yourself because of the medication? Like, you are used to yourself being a certain way. Even though you feel fucked up. The medication helps in some way, but at the same time you don't know who you are anymore? Or how to feel about how you're feeling? I can sorta get how you feel like you're hiding yourself that way.

I read the other thread 'I am suicide' and that makes sense to me.

 

[Deleted member 94]

i dont think so......not that that means much with me. but i looked into myself personally and but the time i buy everything id need to make it i might as well just buy premade stuff it comes out to the same price

I'm sorry I was mislead into believing it's cheaper way cheaper to make your own from CBD isolate then buy the premade stuff. Believe me I have seen some very huge price discrimination in relation to this product. Even in my local area one would look for 30 and another 90.

 

[Life_and_Death]

I'm sorry I was mislead into believing it's cheaper way cheaper to make your own from CBD isolate

its cool i just assumed its cheaper where you are. how are you suppose to know what it would cost me.

but at the same time you don't know who you are anymore

i know who i am. although my disorders shaped my personality/beliefs they arent them.

how to feel about how you're feeling

and i know how i feel.

its just this drug silenced the voices, whats the next one going to do. ive already came to the conclusion i need 1 of each (antianxiety, antidepressant, mood stabilizer, and an antipsychotic) who am i going to be at the end of that? what is each one going to change? am i still even going to be me? i dont want to be suicidal but because of some fears i have im not sure if i can ever not be. plus yeah...ive been this way for YEARS. not as long as some others but long enough that it has become...me. it seems weird to not be...