C
CantDoIt
Experienced
- Jul 18, 2024
- 267
So this morning, after having decided to definitely ctb sometime next year, I got the most horrible SI symptoms....this time, my SI started telling me that I would go to hell (I'm not a Christian) or that my next life reincarnation would give me something way worse than what I'm going through now. I started imagining deaths from horror movies I had seen and people in way worse situations than me with scary conditions and other problems and my SI told me I would have to suffer in the next life (if there is one) and I got really scared. I started imagining being buried alive or burned in a furnace or all of these horrible things. I don't want to be punished anymore.
I have chosen to ctb but I don't want intrusive thoughts coming in the final moments before I go and I do not have access to Benzos. I get that I have been am asshole in this life but I can't go on and then to think about being punished with pain and suffering is horrible...indeed, even to think about punishing myself by choosing a reincarnation that is painful. IDK I know it's silly.
I have chosen to ctb but I don't want intrusive thoughts coming in the final moments before I go and I do not have access to Benzos. I get that I have been am asshole in this life but I can't go on and then to think about being punished with pain and suffering is horrible...indeed, even to think about punishing myself by choosing a reincarnation that is painful. IDK I know it's silly.