Venting new seasons of life make me more suicidal

[kindawannacrylol]

I've recently noticed that entering new 'seasons' of my life make me feel much more suicidal than usual and almost like a failure, events like celebrating birthdays or starting a new job/new year. I can't help but feel like i shouldn't be there, I feel as if i've failed by still being alive in that moment. While people in recovery may be proud of themselves for reaching milestones in their lives i feel the complete opposite, i hate entering new 'chapters of life'. I feel disgusted in myself that I've failed to end my life and because of that I'm forced to live through another year/grow older/another job. I guess it's similar to the feeling you get when there's been an extra season added to a show that doesn't need an extra season. It already had a perfect ending, it should've ended.

 

[A_miStake_of_NATURE]

I've recently noticed that entering new 'seasons' of my life make me feel much more suicidal than usual and almost like a failure, events like celebrating birthdays or starting a new job/new year. I can't help but feel like i shouldn't be there, I feel as if i've failed by still being alive in that moment. While people in recovery may be proud of themselves for reaching milestones in their lives i feel the complete opposite, i hate entering new 'chapters of life'. I feel disgusted in myself that I've failed to end my life and because of that I'm forced to live through another year/grow older/another job. I guess it's similar to the feeling you get when there's been an extra season added to a show that doesn't need an extra season. It already had a perfect ending, it should've ended.

It's funny. I've just caught myself thinking about the same thing. It's autumn again. Another season is already here….. I think I get what you mean, and I'm sorry we're both stuck here. I hope you're gonna feel better soon.

 

[Judah]

Maybe you hate the change? Most prefer to live in a calm way, without changes but not falling into monotomy, as is my case, I have had to change my lifestyle many times and it only leaves me with a feeling of nolstalgia because I felt that I was doing well in a previous moment .

 

[LONE WOLF.]

New seasons of any and all so called reality TV shows are enough to have me throwing myself out the nearest high up window!

 

[Bullit]

So Bonanza should've ended when Hoss died? Agreed.

 

[FuneralCry]

I can relate to this, as the years go by, I get more tired of living and things just seem to get worse. I feel like I should have left this world years ago, whenever another birthday comes by I just feel so empty. Living really is tiring.