Qverty7455
Student
- Sep 28, 2019
- 195
I need to say I had a wall of text about why I am there and what is my problem but I guess it would be better to send it to someone via PM if anyone is interested because not everyone should see it and not everyone want's to read a wall of long text.
But maybe I can just write I am 23 years old male from central europe (I don't want to write the country there) with BDD - body dysmorphobic disorder and OCD - worrying and thinking too much about stupid stuff that is not important. I am mostly scared about my appereance and I hate myself and the way I look. 3 suicide attemps, 3 times in a psych ward. Got help but nothing helped it's all in my head and I can't get it out. The last knife to the back was when I broke up with my first GF i ever had. I found her when I was 21 years old and I loved her so much and I can't live without her. She was my world and now I lost the purpose and because of my BDD and 0 ego I can't try to move on and find someone else. I just can't.
Let's get to the point why I am there.
I am not saying I want to do this today or tomorrow but I am sure the last year will be the last or even maybe this year (idk what will happen I am like a bomb that no one knows when will explode).
I want your ideas on how to do it. I have my ideas so I would like to know your opinion.
I don't want to look disgusting or to pieces after I am done so jumping under train or from building is excluded. I don't want to do hanging aswell I tried the partial but I never seemed to pass out and I fasten the noose very tightly and just leaned but no discomfort or passing out. Last couple of days I was thinking I will just take a knife and stab it into my neck very deep or slit my wrists but these seem easy to do on paper but very painful. Lately I found out about N which will be the best but it's extremely hard to obtain but to be honest if I had N I wouldn't be writing there but the idea of drinking anything and going to sleep and never wake up seems the best. Another way is heroin or fentanyl (or carfentanil) but I don't know people that are on drugs so I don't know how to obtain it and if buying overseas I am scared they will discover it and I will go to jail even though I don't want to hurt anyone just myslef). Another option is the exit bag but it seems kinda hard for me to do everything right. Another option is the carbon monoxide in a tent which may be the way for me actually. Another one is drowning in a bath tub I mean a lot of people tried to hold breath for so long they went unconscious but the lifeguard saved them...so it might be unpleasant for sure but if you are drunk or get some pills maybe that and what is 1-2minutes of pain or discomfort to us when we struggle every day mentally, but again if you under water for too long you will look bad aswell so possibly in hotel or stuff like that. And the last idea I got there is the SN method but I don't know much about it to be honest but it looks similiar to N but I don't where to get it right now because probably most sellers aren't available anymore ?
But maybe I can just write I am 23 years old male from central europe (I don't want to write the country there) with BDD - body dysmorphobic disorder and OCD - worrying and thinking too much about stupid stuff that is not important. I am mostly scared about my appereance and I hate myself and the way I look. 3 suicide attemps, 3 times in a psych ward. Got help but nothing helped it's all in my head and I can't get it out. The last knife to the back was when I broke up with my first GF i ever had. I found her when I was 21 years old and I loved her so much and I can't live without her. She was my world and now I lost the purpose and because of my BDD and 0 ego I can't try to move on and find someone else. I just can't.
Let's get to the point why I am there.
I am not saying I want to do this today or tomorrow but I am sure the last year will be the last or even maybe this year (idk what will happen I am like a bomb that no one knows when will explode).
I want your ideas on how to do it. I have my ideas so I would like to know your opinion.
I don't want to look disgusting or to pieces after I am done so jumping under train or from building is excluded. I don't want to do hanging aswell I tried the partial but I never seemed to pass out and I fasten the noose very tightly and just leaned but no discomfort or passing out. Last couple of days I was thinking I will just take a knife and stab it into my neck very deep or slit my wrists but these seem easy to do on paper but very painful. Lately I found out about N which will be the best but it's extremely hard to obtain but to be honest if I had N I wouldn't be writing there but the idea of drinking anything and going to sleep and never wake up seems the best. Another way is heroin or fentanyl (or carfentanil) but I don't know people that are on drugs so I don't know how to obtain it and if buying overseas I am scared they will discover it and I will go to jail even though I don't want to hurt anyone just myslef). Another option is the exit bag but it seems kinda hard for me to do everything right. Another option is the carbon monoxide in a tent which may be the way for me actually. Another one is drowning in a bath tub I mean a lot of people tried to hold breath for so long they went unconscious but the lifeguard saved them...so it might be unpleasant for sure but if you are drunk or get some pills maybe that and what is 1-2minutes of pain or discomfort to us when we struggle every day mentally, but again if you under water for too long you will look bad aswell so possibly in hotel or stuff like that. And the last idea I got there is the SN method but I don't know much about it to be honest but it looks similiar to N but I don't where to get it right now because probably most sellers aren't available anymore ?
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