MissingCircadian
Member
- Feb 25, 2019
- 13
Hi everyone, I'm new here. Sorry for the long initial post. This is a complicated and difficult issue to understand. I never thought I would have to consider CTB for relief from my condition. This is a bizarre and cruel world. I must warn you, my condition won't be believed. It defies medical logic and common sense. Out of 7 Billion people, I had a 0.000000014285714% chance of this happening. I don't know how you say that percentage but that's what it equates to. Basically, I am the only one out of 7 billion people. A condition that doctors have never seen and can not be diagnosed or treated.
I am trapped in a body that no longer requires sleep or food.
I know what you're thinking, "No Fucking Way!" I'll explain.
Beginning in 2010 and over the course of 5 years, my GI tract malfunctioned. My first observation in 2010 was the lack of bed head in the morning, random headaches, stopped getting a cold sore on my lip, and no more bruises. There were no obvious issues over the next 5 years. The only noticeable signs were thinning of my hair and my hair and facial hair would grow at a slower rate. I figured the slower hair growth was aging. Early 2015 I get sick in an unusual way. It feels like a cold but the congestion is in my throat and not my nose. It was something I never experienced and was unusual enough for me to remember. September 2015 brought about another sign. Sadly, it was too late. Life ended then and I didn't know it yet. I experienced a state of disorientation and sensitivity to light that lasted 1-2 full days. This only occurred if I stood up. If I laid down, I was okay. I called my doctor and she informed me that this can happen by not eating enough protein. That didn't make sense as I ate beef or chicken daily. December 2016 brought about another sign. I lose my appetite and all stomach sensation. I begin to worry as this is now a serious matter. I see my doctor and it's suggested that it's depression. I didn't feel depressed and I have had no major changes in my life. I was already having trouble sleeping by this time but I'm not fully aware of it yet. I continue to see different doctors, neurologist, integrated medicine to do cortisol testing, etc. Still no definitive answers to a cause. The various tests provide me with a direction to begin my own understanding of where to start.
I start with Serotonin. One of the tests I have done provides my serotonin level. It is measured at 55. Normal level is approximately 155. I begin to research serotonin and the role it has in the body. It is known as a neurotransmitter, the primary or main neurotransmitter. Surprisingly enough, it is primarily produced in the GI tract and not in the brain as many believe. UCLA research has concluded that 90-95% of the body's serotonin is produced in the GI tract. Since it is found in the GI tract, it is also part of the digestive process. I found that interesting and I continue my research. I learn that serotonin is the precursor to melatonin, which regulates the sleep wake cycle. This leads to be learn about circadian rhythm. If I remember, this is part of our sleep wake cycle. I don't know if I knew of the term circadian rhythm but I understood what it was. It's our body clock. It is how our body recognizes the time of day or night. I now recognize that I have no circadian rhythm. I didn't realize that my body wasn't separating day and night. Circadian Rhythms regulates many processes throughout our body. Body temperature, hunger cycles, and other bodily functions.
I am beginning to understand what has happened. My body slowly reduced the amount of serotonin circulating thru my body in the GI tract. By September 2015, my GI tract isn't producing enough serotonin to regulate my primary circadian rhythm. I say primary as there are "body clocks" located in various organs throughout the body. The primary circadian rhythm is controlled in the part of the brain called the hypothalamus and is called the suprachiasmatic nucleuse. I refer to the September 2015 event as the "disconnect."
What am I left with? I am left with a body that never has any hunger pains. I do not feel any physical reactions to not eating. Whenever I do eat, it is for taste only as I never feel what I am eating in my stomach. My body has not physically changed to not eating my normal amount prior to this beginning, no weight loss. I never feel groggy or tired. I can stay awake indefinitely. Every hour of every day feels the same, there is no early morning, late night, or overnight separation. I do lay down and close my eyes while listening to NDE and afterlife videos on YouTube. My body doesn't feel the same. I am unable to explain the difference to be understood by others. My body no longer sweats and has a dirty feel from the inside. My head feels like a layer of skin over a skull. A neurologist said the "squishy" layer between the skin and skull is muscle. Sometimes I will feel pressure and discomfort in the area of my heart, as though it is going to pop. I can't think of any other issues with my body.
I just want to CTB as this is a miserable way of life. I am perpetually sad as I know the condition I am in. Living is a constant reminder of what has happened to me. The mind games are constant over then and now. I never thought I would be in a CTB position and I am afraid to die. Complicating matters is I have a 16 year old son. I worry about the impact on him if I CTB.
Sorry my first post was so long. Thank you for reading my story.
I am trapped in a body that no longer requires sleep or food.
I know what you're thinking, "No Fucking Way!" I'll explain.
Beginning in 2010 and over the course of 5 years, my GI tract malfunctioned. My first observation in 2010 was the lack of bed head in the morning, random headaches, stopped getting a cold sore on my lip, and no more bruises. There were no obvious issues over the next 5 years. The only noticeable signs were thinning of my hair and my hair and facial hair would grow at a slower rate. I figured the slower hair growth was aging. Early 2015 I get sick in an unusual way. It feels like a cold but the congestion is in my throat and not my nose. It was something I never experienced and was unusual enough for me to remember. September 2015 brought about another sign. Sadly, it was too late. Life ended then and I didn't know it yet. I experienced a state of disorientation and sensitivity to light that lasted 1-2 full days. This only occurred if I stood up. If I laid down, I was okay. I called my doctor and she informed me that this can happen by not eating enough protein. That didn't make sense as I ate beef or chicken daily. December 2016 brought about another sign. I lose my appetite and all stomach sensation. I begin to worry as this is now a serious matter. I see my doctor and it's suggested that it's depression. I didn't feel depressed and I have had no major changes in my life. I was already having trouble sleeping by this time but I'm not fully aware of it yet. I continue to see different doctors, neurologist, integrated medicine to do cortisol testing, etc. Still no definitive answers to a cause. The various tests provide me with a direction to begin my own understanding of where to start.
I start with Serotonin. One of the tests I have done provides my serotonin level. It is measured at 55. Normal level is approximately 155. I begin to research serotonin and the role it has in the body. It is known as a neurotransmitter, the primary or main neurotransmitter. Surprisingly enough, it is primarily produced in the GI tract and not in the brain as many believe. UCLA research has concluded that 90-95% of the body's serotonin is produced in the GI tract. Since it is found in the GI tract, it is also part of the digestive process. I found that interesting and I continue my research. I learn that serotonin is the precursor to melatonin, which regulates the sleep wake cycle. This leads to be learn about circadian rhythm. If I remember, this is part of our sleep wake cycle. I don't know if I knew of the term circadian rhythm but I understood what it was. It's our body clock. It is how our body recognizes the time of day or night. I now recognize that I have no circadian rhythm. I didn't realize that my body wasn't separating day and night. Circadian Rhythms regulates many processes throughout our body. Body temperature, hunger cycles, and other bodily functions.
I am beginning to understand what has happened. My body slowly reduced the amount of serotonin circulating thru my body in the GI tract. By September 2015, my GI tract isn't producing enough serotonin to regulate my primary circadian rhythm. I say primary as there are "body clocks" located in various organs throughout the body. The primary circadian rhythm is controlled in the part of the brain called the hypothalamus and is called the suprachiasmatic nucleuse. I refer to the September 2015 event as the "disconnect."
What am I left with? I am left with a body that never has any hunger pains. I do not feel any physical reactions to not eating. Whenever I do eat, it is for taste only as I never feel what I am eating in my stomach. My body has not physically changed to not eating my normal amount prior to this beginning, no weight loss. I never feel groggy or tired. I can stay awake indefinitely. Every hour of every day feels the same, there is no early morning, late night, or overnight separation. I do lay down and close my eyes while listening to NDE and afterlife videos on YouTube. My body doesn't feel the same. I am unable to explain the difference to be understood by others. My body no longer sweats and has a dirty feel from the inside. My head feels like a layer of skin over a skull. A neurologist said the "squishy" layer between the skin and skull is muscle. Sometimes I will feel pressure and discomfort in the area of my heart, as though it is going to pop. I can't think of any other issues with my body.
I just want to CTB as this is a miserable way of life. I am perpetually sad as I know the condition I am in. Living is a constant reminder of what has happened to me. The mind games are constant over then and now. I never thought I would be in a CTB position and I am afraid to die. Complicating matters is I have a 16 year old son. I worry about the impact on him if I CTB.
Sorry my first post was so long. Thank you for reading my story.