New around here

[Finallyatpeace]

Hello everyone. I've just recently made the decision to CBT. Since this is new, I'm still working through all of the planning/emotions of it. I figured this would be a good place for support. So far I've toyed with gun to the head (obvious initial option, which I've found is a little too risky for my taste), partial suspension hanging, or what I've most recently start leaning towards is carbon dioxide poisoning. Basically I'm just looking for some advice and guidance. I've also stumbled across the concept of a CBT partner, which I would be interested in if I were to find the right person. I look forward to connecting with you all!

 

[overandout]

Hello everyone. I've just recently made the decision to CBT. Since this is new, I'm still working through all of the planning/emotions of it. I figured this would be a good place for support. So far I've toyed with gun to the head (obvious initial option, which I've found is a little too risky for my taste), partial suspension hanging, or what I've most recently start leaning towards is carbon dioxide poisoning. Basically I'm just looking for some advice and guidance. I've also stumbled across the concept of a CBT partner, which I would be interested in if I were to find the right person. I look forward to connecting with you all!

Welcome :) You will find lots of lots of support here and plenty of info here to research. i think you are looking for carbon monoxide as opposed to carbon dioxide
This is the mega thread

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/carbon-monoxide-megathread.2053/

 

[Ghost2211]

Hello, and welcome. May I ask what is troubling you?

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

Welcome. Do you know yet what specific advice and guidance you are seeking, or was your intention more of a general intro?

 

[randomz]

Welcome to the forum and sorry life brought you here. I hope everything works out alright for you. This place can be really supportive for whatever your need might be.
Also, please consider any other option you have to make yourself feel better with life before taking the decision to CTB.

 

[Finallyatpeace]

Since I've gotten a few questions, I was emotionally and mentally abused for nearly 10 years by my ex-wife. I was diagnosed with complex PTSD, general anxiety disorder, and depression. The world is too frightening of a place and I can't find peace anywhere. Trust me, I've accepted CTB because I know I've tried every other option. I just want the torment to end.

 

[Thereisnothing]

Since I've gotten a few questions, I was emotionally and mentally abused for nearly 10 years by my ex-wife. I was diagnosed with complex PTSD, general anxiety disorder, and depression. The world is too frightening of a place and I can't find peace anywhere. Trust me, I've accepted CTB because I know I've tried every other option. I just want the torment to end.

Emotional and mental abuse is hell, had it from my sexual abusers as a child and my ex fiancé, he also hurt my physically and sexually. The world is frightening you are right. I am totally alone and have such awful physical health that am deteriorating and its so scary. Also empty and lost as my dad passed in December and he was the only person had left who cared and loved me. To be totally alone in this world and also so very vulnerable, takes your breath away. Do you have anyone in the outside world who loves and cares about you?

 

[MsMaudlin]

Hello everyone. I've just recently made the decision to CBT. Since this is new, I'm still working through all of the planning/emotions of it. I figured this would be a good place for support. So far I've toyed with gun to the head (obvious initial option, which I've found is a little too risky for my taste), partial suspension hanging, or what I've most recently start leaning towards is carbon dioxide poisoning. Basically I'm just looking for some advice and guidance. I've also stumbled across the concept of a CBT partner, which I would be interested in if I were to find the right person. I look forward to connecting with you all!

Hello and welcome!
I'm sorry that you were treated in that way. Some human beings are vile.

Lots of information on here.
Much love
❤

 

[Finallyatpeace]

Emotional and mental abuse is hell, had it from my sexual abusers as a child and my ex fiancé, he also hurt my physically and sexually. The world is frightening you are right. I am totally alone and have such awful physical health that am deteriorating and its so scary. Also empty and lost as my dad passed in December and he was the only person had left who cared and loved me. To be totally alone in this world and also so very vulnerable, takes your breath away. Do you have anyone in the outside world who loves and cares about you?

I do, yes. To be honest, I envy you having to emotional ties to this world. It makes the decision so much easier. I have a lot of people who love me, including an amazing wife and a perfect son. I have friends and family that care deeply for me. This has sadly become a double edged sword for me. Now I can only view the people I love as future failures because I'll either drive them away or they'll want nothing to do with me because I'm not good enough for them. That's also made the guilt almost unbearable because I'm abandoning my family, leaving my wife to be a single mother. It's been so hard dealing with that. But I can feel myself becoming someone (or thing) else. The man they knew is almost dead. I'll either be living as a shell of my former self, dead as a selfish coward, or dead as a tormented soul who was out of options. Basically, the fact that I want to CTB makes me feel crushing guilt which makes me want to CTB more just to stop feeling.

 

[Thereisnothing]

I do, yes. To be honest, I envy you having to emotional ties to this world. It makes the decision so much easier. I have a lot of people who love me, including an amazing wife and a perfect son. I have friends and family that care deeply for me. This has sadly become a double edged sword for me. Now I can only view the people I love as future failures because I'll either drive them away or they'll want nothing to do with me because I'm not good enough for them. That's also made the guilt almost unbearable because I'm abandoning my family, leaving my wife to be a single mother. It's been so hard dealing with that. But I can feel myself becoming someone (or thing) else. The man they knew is almost dead. I'll either be living as a shell of my former self, dead as a selfish coward, or dead as a tormented soul who was out of options. Basically, the fact that I want to CTB makes me feel crushing guilt which makes me want to CTB more just to stop feeling.

Why do you envy me having no emotional ties, I'd give my right arm to have my loved ones back, its hell every second the day being alone in this world. You have an amazing wife and perfect son and family that deeply care about you. My goodness if I had that I'd think I'd died and gone to heaven.
Seriously take comfort and strength from it all, you have so much love there. They might not be there one day and you will miss them like crazy. I am alone and very ill indeed and getting weaker and weaker, I don't even have anyone to check I am ok every day or help me with anything whatsoever.
Hope you can find strength and hope.

 

[Finallyatpeace]

Why do you envy me having no emotional ties, I'd give my right arm to have my loved ones back, its hell every second the day being alone in this world. You have an amazing wife and perfect son and family that deeply care about you. My goodness if I had that I'd think I'd died and gone to heaven.
Seriously take comfort and strength from it all, you have so much love there. They might not be there one day and you will miss them like crazy. I am alone and very ill indeed and getting weaker and weaker, I don't even have anyone to check I am ok every day or help me with anything whatsoever.
Hope you can find strength and hope.

I know. That's another facet of the guilt. I have a life that anyone would love to live, much less keep from CTB. And it's been maddening. Why would I still feel so much overwhelming pain and despair? I've tried answering that question and I can't.

 

[Thereisnothing]

I know. That's another facet of the guilt. I have a life that anyone would love to live, much less keep from CTB. And it's been maddening. Why would I still feel so much overwhelming pain and despair? I've tried answering that question and I can't.

The mind is a horrible thing, no rhyme nor reason what goes on with it. I know where you are coming from and so sad for you, as must be heart breaking for you with all this conflict. A lot of things never get answers to, so many questions and thoughts/emotions all spinning round on a perpetual carousel, constant dizziness. Its good you have joined SS, it helps me feel less alone and I have got some great support since joined, some lovely caring souls here.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Welcome. I'm so sorry you feel like this. You are in good company here. There's always someone around to listen. Can't solve your problems but we are here for you whatever you decide.

 

[escapefromabuse]

Since I've gotten a few questions, I was emotionally and mentally abused for nearly 10 years by my ex-wife. I was diagnosed with complex PTSD, general anxiety disorder, and depression. The world is too frightening of a place and I can't find peace anywhere. Trust me, I've accepted CTB because I know I've tried every other option. I just want the torment to end.

I'm sorry you've had to suffer that. The damage that emotional abuse causes doesn't get recognized enough. My ex used my feelings for her against me to get what she wanted. It's hard to get it out of your head.

 

[Finallyatpeace]

I'm sorry you've had to suffer that. The damage that emotional abuse causes doesn't get recognized enough. My ex used my feelings for her against me to get what she wanted. It's hard to get it out of your head.

It's impossible. To give that much of yourself to someone and have it basically twisted and deformed, it's impossible to get it out of your head. It's only gotten louder for me. Now it's just an inescapable roar that overtakes everything

 

[escapefromabuse]

Yeah I know how it is. It's harder when it comes out of nowhere. I've tried all kinds of things including talking a trauma specialist. We have kids so she's used the opportunity to hurt me every way possible so it's a step back for me every time I've had to see her. I get heartburn just seeing her car.