YukiFox
Pastel demon
- Dec 8, 2018
- 320
Hi family, hugs to all. Let me share a little bit of my story:
In theory I had a "normal life", because I don´t lose my parents, or had an abuse, or drug problems, or whatever else who frequently has associated with the people who has CTB thoughts/desires or have an successful one, well, let me tell you something:
I have panics, anxiety, depression problems. I attributed them for my difficulty for accept that I´m gay. I was on denial since my 14 years but in theory I came out the closet on 2016. I mean, in theory because my mental problems continued.
My principal problem of the life is the apathy. I lost a sense of the motivation to live. Yes, I got some goals, like a bachelor degree (In Latin American Studies), I don´t have any chronic disease (yet), or had abused... but I lost a lot of confidence of myself and my CTB thoughts were constantly, but I feel ashamed to have it.
Also I don ´t know how to call this, but I have one more "issue": it´s a mixture of imaginary friends and hallucinations, because this two "friends" talk with me, sometimes influenced me. Still they don´t materialize (Like the angel and the devil of the cartoons, hahaha), but I can feel them.
Well, my point of the thread is: I don´t go to any psychotherapist or psychiatrist because I´m 100% sure that if I told about my apathy, my anxiety, my depression and my "Two friends" thing, for hell sure I have those meds who destroy you or have a psychiatrist ward seclusion, I don´t want to take any of those two things. Ah, for sure, if I tell to the mental health personnel about my CTB desires I got the "Insane" label immediately.
I tell you all of this because I don´t trust the psychiatry, or even psychology. I was diagnosed with autism on my 12 years old but I don´t perceive myself as an autist anymore, only a kind of weirdo.
Oh, yeah, for sure, ANYBODY got that I have some different. A lot of people caught me "talking alone" and I was talking with one or two of the "friends". I know that people thinks I have some issue.
I was alone for myself and this thread is the first moment that I confess my mental state. Because I trust you, as a new family. Even I don´t know personally, I trust you. I´m not alone. And I don´t be judged or perceive as a troll. This is serious, people.
Sure, someone can say "But X suffers more, Y has X mental desease", well, let me tell you, I fear that I can get worse, like of this X or Y people, who has CTB or are planning to have them early. This isn´t a help call, this is a relief confession. And if one day I caught CTB too, I will not fear that I made the wrong decision.
In theory I had a "normal life", because I don´t lose my parents, or had an abuse, or drug problems, or whatever else who frequently has associated with the people who has CTB thoughts/desires or have an successful one, well, let me tell you something:
I have panics, anxiety, depression problems. I attributed them for my difficulty for accept that I´m gay. I was on denial since my 14 years but in theory I came out the closet on 2016. I mean, in theory because my mental problems continued.
My principal problem of the life is the apathy. I lost a sense of the motivation to live. Yes, I got some goals, like a bachelor degree (In Latin American Studies), I don´t have any chronic disease (yet), or had abused... but I lost a lot of confidence of myself and my CTB thoughts were constantly, but I feel ashamed to have it.
Also I don ´t know how to call this, but I have one more "issue": it´s a mixture of imaginary friends and hallucinations, because this two "friends" talk with me, sometimes influenced me. Still they don´t materialize (Like the angel and the devil of the cartoons, hahaha), but I can feel them.
Well, my point of the thread is: I don´t go to any psychotherapist or psychiatrist because I´m 100% sure that if I told about my apathy, my anxiety, my depression and my "Two friends" thing, for hell sure I have those meds who destroy you or have a psychiatrist ward seclusion, I don´t want to take any of those two things. Ah, for sure, if I tell to the mental health personnel about my CTB desires I got the "Insane" label immediately.
I tell you all of this because I don´t trust the psychiatry, or even psychology. I was diagnosed with autism on my 12 years old but I don´t perceive myself as an autist anymore, only a kind of weirdo.
Oh, yeah, for sure, ANYBODY got that I have some different. A lot of people caught me "talking alone" and I was talking with one or two of the "friends". I know that people thinks I have some issue.
I was alone for myself and this thread is the first moment that I confess my mental state. Because I trust you, as a new family. Even I don´t know personally, I trust you. I´m not alone. And I don´t be judged or perceive as a troll. This is serious, people.
Sure, someone can say "But X suffers more, Y has X mental desease", well, let me tell you, I fear that I can get worse, like of this X or Y people, who has CTB or are planning to have them early. This isn´t a help call, this is a relief confession. And if one day I caught CTB too, I will not fear that I made the wrong decision.
