Venting Never satisfied

[akita]

Hello, it's been awhile since I've actually indulged in my suicidal ideation and accepted it. I've been drowning my sorrows in drugs and every moment that I'm connected with reality feels like I'm stepping closer to the brink.
I've had a lot of bad shit happen to me for me to be here, and no matter how many steps forward I make I always fall and end up back in the dark place.
I'm in so much pain to think my boyfriend and mother and siblings would hurt because of me. But I'm so unhappy. My boyfriend is amazing but I just don't feel as in love with him as he is with me. My career is getting nowhere, my finances are at an all time low, to put it bluntly the drugs have just distracted me from reality for as long as they can. I'm at my wits end. I have no friends, except my boyfriend whom himself has many friends he can rely on when I go.
I feel like everything would be so much better if I liked myself and had people who liked me too. I'm just a stupid, useless, horrible excuse of a person. I just needed to let this out as I have no social media or outlets that I can otherwise use.
I plan on researching extensively on hanging and attempting as soon as possible, seeing as I'm completely out of money. Thanks for listening if you did. I hope you're all well- but if you're here, you probably aren't. I'm sorry.

 

[EddieAllenPoe]

Welcome to the club. I originally got my bachelors of arts in Alcoholism. I later went on to pursue a Masters in Failed Relationships. I've been a little restless lately. I've considered doing some dissertation research into suicide. Should I get a PHD in Suicide? I don't know. It's not easy finding unique ways to kill myself.

I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about. I'm rambling. I can relate to feeling like you've fallen into a dark place. I can also relate to having everything around me falling apart. I've been there before. More than I've wanted. It sucks. No need to apologize. I read the whole thing. Glad to listen (or read).

 

[Raggas]

Hey, I'm really sorry about your personal troubles. You are quite lucky to have people who do love you so remember that. You don't have to go through with suicide if you think there's still some hope left. But you are free to make your own choice in the end. Just try to think about it with a clear mind without drugs involved. Feel free to message me if you want to talk about your situation more.