samishii
What's the point?
- Dec 24, 2021
- 103
My dad, had an aborted heart attack recently, his lungs have fluid retention, and I can't fucking help it. My relationship with my dad us as fucked up as it can get imo, I love him, whereas he hates me.
I got the news yesterday that he is in the hospital. I was doing better than ever after 12 fucking years with good company of my friends, but after hearing about me, I broke down. I live abroad for uni I felt so helpless. I can't help him, I can't do shit.
I feel like I am one of the biggest reason for his worsening health being such a colossal burden on him especially from the monetary perspective.
My mom is the inly person present to support him and it breaks me that she herself has severe metal health issues.
My whole family is so fucked up, my dad is in depression, my mom has PTSD, my sister who is my favourite person (although she doesn't like me) is also suffering from depression and then me who has like a cocktail of both with some anxiety on top.
I have been actively suicidal for a long time and suddenly I feel like I cannot die right now. I hate that feeling of compulsion to not die.
I am fucked up to the point of no return, all I can do is suffer.
Sorry for anything wring with this thread, I just had no other place to vent.
Sorry
I got the news yesterday that he is in the hospital. I was doing better than ever after 12 fucking years with good company of my friends, but after hearing about me, I broke down. I live abroad for uni I felt so helpless. I can't help him, I can't do shit.
I feel like I am one of the biggest reason for his worsening health being such a colossal burden on him especially from the monetary perspective.
My mom is the inly person present to support him and it breaks me that she herself has severe metal health issues.
My whole family is so fucked up, my dad is in depression, my mom has PTSD, my sister who is my favourite person (although she doesn't like me) is also suffering from depression and then me who has like a cocktail of both with some anxiety on top.
I have been actively suicidal for a long time and suddenly I feel like I cannot die right now. I hate that feeling of compulsion to not die.
I am fucked up to the point of no return, all I can do is suffer.
Sorry for anything wring with this thread, I just had no other place to vent.
Sorry