I tend to have insidious meltdowns while at work. I get teary eyed and start to suffocate, feeling myself stepping one step closer to the edge.
After being done with my current tasks on my post, i excuse myself for a cig break, but firstly i most probably have to absolutely collapse, cry my eyes out and smash my already scarred hands on the cold bathroom wall, hoping nobody comes inside and Hears this shit. Then i wash my face, tell myself whatever i gotta tell myself and return to the Battlefield.
I dont have breakdowns im public, though. Its AWFUL to have to pretend and hołd it all in. My sphintcters are already tight as it is, lmao. That being said, i've lost the ability to cry while on my "groove" anymore. Im absolutely withered, brain fried, circuits cut. Its ok, its my fault anyway xd
Please don't put your age and illness!!! This is a very easy way to be tracked. If they see that then can see your location on another thread it will be very very easy to locate you and possibly section you or interrupt your attempt etc. I would never never never give out ANY personal info on here even there most tiny detail because you never know..,,
Its the worst fucking feeling when the fight or flight resoonse kicks in. I agree about pereonal info, too. Internet is still a dangerous environment.